Alone and feeling trapped

[mg24]

Hi who ever is reading this. I’m fourteen.

Last year I went to England to visit family. (I’m not rich) Going made me really sad. I really miss being there and I miss my family. I would kill to be able to do super small things like go to certain coffee shops with my auntie or go to their house for dinner, or be able to wear a jumper during Christmas or see my family on my birthday but instead I’m stuck here and I probably won’t see them for at least another four years I don’t want them to miss seeing me grow up which sounds kind of stupid. I want t be able to share things with them like that new hair cut or a piercing or an achievement. I feel like we r both going to miss so much and there are so many relationships I could be having. I wish I could move permantly but my dad doesn’t want to, my mum does so it’s not going to happen. It’s not like I’d have anything to actually miss if we moved though. For a start, I hate Australia I don’t want to offend anyone but I don’t like the weather or the culture I don’t even like the beach. My family here sucks. They never remeber my brother and I’s Birthdays and favour our cousins because they’re babies they’re not good at being family and I can’t be myself around them. At school I don’t have any real friends. I sit with people at lunch but I’m never invited to birthday parties, this one girl is always putting me down and I don’t fit in, I’m always someone’s fourth or fifth choice. I feel like I’m a loser. No one follows me back on instagram, likes my photos or wants to talk or text me. I won’t have a boyfriend until I’m 20, they NEVER talk ir text me, I don’t have any guy friends. I know it’s not going to change either I know the groups of people at my school and there’s no where I can go I’m just stuck here, I don’t want to change schools, there’s ano point they’re all the same. I don’t have anything to look forward too until I can maybe leave for England. I think I’m getting a school laptop for Christmas, I obviously don’t have any parties coming up amy mum won’t let me have any piercings, to be honest I just need small things like that to get me through, although I wish I could get it with family members from England and sharing that experience. Just hearing accents and remembering things like eating dinner or smells makes me want to cry. I’m sick of always feeling like this. I wanted to do an exchange there for 3 months but of course I can’t afford it I don’t know how to make it through th next four/ five years.

[white knight]

Hi MG, welcome

I get you. I have had the same feeling about Tasmania where my family came from. Every year we flew over there, milked cows, carted in hay and the smell of a farm, hay and animals was "home" to me even though I never lived there, just on holidays.

In reality your parents make the choices as adults and you, when you become an adult will have your own choices. Also, not everything can happen when we want it. That sounds like I'm saying you are selfish, not so, I'm saying we need to plan for some things in life.

So, the more wise method is to have short, medium and long term goals. This is also about finance management when you finally get a job down the track.

Short term goals might include- focusing on studies and expanding your friendship base. Like joining new activities in your area, sport, hobbies etc. meet new people. To rely on the small circle of "friends" that you have now is limiting yourself. Some circles are toxic. Medium terms- seek a casual job. It doesn't matter what it is. Once you get that job, pay a little to your parent as a display of being mature and in appreciation...save the rest. Long term goal- finish your schooling, seek better paying jobs, sort out the poor friends from the good ones, don't waste your time with the bad ones, they only hurt you.

Google

Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue

Patience is missing in all of us. We want it all now. But that isn't the way our world operates. When you reach 18 onwards you can fulfill your wishes. You might not believe this but by then you might even change your mind because if you have a boyfriend or a good paying job, you might stay here and just save to go to the UK on holidays every 6 months. Life is adjustable as we journey through it. Try to accept what you cant change now but by all means dream of these desires until you reach adulthood and can afford to carry out such dreams.

All the best

Ton WK

[mg24]

Hi, thanks for your advice. It’s good to know you understand, no one else really relates to the feeling of missing something more than wistfully. I’ve been planning to get a job soon which I hope goes well, I can’t afford to go to the UK every year let alone every sixth months thought I get your point with how like is until I turn 18 I just don’t want to have to end up ‘wasting’ them. Thanks for your help though!

[Doolhof]

Hi mg24,

Welcome to the community here on the forum! I see that Tony has already provided you with a response. Growing up, our family lived in a very small community. I kept looking in the distance and wanted to be anywhere but where I was.

At 17 I ran away from home, moved to where I thought I would be happy and got into a whole lot of trouble! Now I am not suggesting at all that is going to be you in anyway, as you now have time to plan and think like Tony mentioned. Me, I just took off with a bag of clothes and that was it.

England is a beautiful enchanting place, as are a lot of places that are not home (especially so when you are unhappy where you are) My point is, that I wonder if you were to move to England right now to live, in 6 months time would you be happy there?

Visiting people and a place is different from actually moving there. On holidays everything is new and exciting. People may be on their best behaviour for overseas visitors, doing everything they can for the short period of time you are together.

The kids in the school close to your English relatives may be the same as the kids at your school.

Like Tony mentioned, you have the opportunity to be the best you can be right here. I know it sounds like a drag, but make the most of your education now.

You may have an opportunity to gain a work visa when you are 18 and may be able to find work in England. Have a chat to your teachers and family about the possibilities.

Social media can be an awful trap to get into. I'd like to suggest you limit your attention to what happens or does not happen on social media. Same with here on the forum, one person may get a lot of "mark this post as helpful" while other very worthy posts do not receive any hits. Why? It just happens.

It doesn't mean one person is more worthy than another, it just goes that way. We are all worthy!

Another ramble from me! Hope yo are doing okay today.

Cheers from (Mrs.) Dools

[mg24]

hi, I hav been, you know, thinking for the future and stuff but I don’t know how I’ll be able to just ‘live’ like this for at least another four years. I know I can’t live there right now not everyone in my family would want to move by I can’t even visit. From year nine onward I can’t take any time off school which only leaves the Christmas Holidays and they’re to expensive to travel in. I just want to be able to be with my family, that’s the number one thing out of all of this. I know I’ll probably still wish my parents would turn around and say we’re moving, but at least I would know whether I would hav been happier or if the kids are different. It’s about who I am here though as wel and how the people around me see me. I’ve tried expressing this too My mum and she said i can’t live like this I can’t focus on what could’ve been but I’m sick of people telling me that. This is how I feel I what I want, my dad says focus on the psostives but I don’t know what there is that’s so great too look at. Sure I may have a family, dinner on the table ect but I’m not good to compare my life with that if a homeless persons or something because that’s not a part of my life or the people’s lives I spend my day with. I may have that but I dont have (extended) family or real friends, I’m not around people I love (besides immediate family) and people say these things are more important than things like money and a house anyway, I just always wish I was somewhere else. I know I can’t move but honestly visiting would make it just that little bit easier, I don’t know what I’m supposed to hang onto now, wat do I have? I don’t want to sound spoilt or ungrateful I just want to be able to talk about it with someone without beating around in the bush, thanks for your advice though, it’s nice for someone to talk to 🙂 x

[RandR]

Wow @mg24 !

You're a very brave and write extremely well for a 14 year old 🙂 And I sincerely mean that. I'm sorry to hear that you feel like things in your life are not exactly going the way you may have hoped for. What I can tell you from my own experience is that circumstances get better and things definitely change, and typically for the better. Do you mind if I ask you what your hobbies and or passions are? I'm sorry to hear about the girl who always puts you down. I was bullied throughout my entire primary school life and it wasn't a very fun experience, at all.

I'd be lying if I said I kept in contact with any of the friends I went to high school with some years ago at this point in life. If anything, I found, I really discovered which people were in my mind worth investing in as I got a little older and came out the other side of some serious hardship. Being in high school has some advantages, such as focusing on your studies and discovering what really interests you and perhaps for the future. Sounds like you are also at the age of almost being able to work as well? Part-time work for me whilst I studied was a great way to make friends outside of school and give me a great distraction. Is this something you might consider? OOHH instagram! What kind of pictures do you take? Nature? Food? Landscapes? I love pictures!

My girlfriend Veronica is always writing in a journal along with taking heaps of photos and drawing as that is a passion of hers. Do you write or have you considered writing in a personal journal?

Thanks for having the courage to reach out and look forward to hearing back from you 🙂

Chin up 🙂

Regards,

Raman.

[mg24]

Hey thanks for the compliment! Some of my hobbies are cooking and just doing things to do with fashion (I’m a little obsessed) I also have an anonymous blog that I write on sometimes because I found keeping a journal harder to keep up with! I sorta wish I had friends that I’d want to to keep in contact with but I know I’d be lying if I said I would keep in contact with any of the friends I have now. I’m hoping to get s retail job in Septmber or November because you have to be 14 and nine months! Half of my brain is kind of think to just hang around with these people for the next four years and keep my head down but the other half of my head thinks, like ‘hey I wanna enjoy myself and be with people I feel good around!’ Thanks for your comment 🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi mg24,

None of us know what is around the corner or what our opportunities will be. It sounds like you are quite open to different things and having an adventure, so I am sure you will work hard to fulfil your dreams and ambitions.

Having work and saving will help you towards your goals.

Keeping a blog would be interesting. It is something I have never done. Is you blog open for any one to read or do you have specific people only who have access to it? I guess a journal is a more private thing. I like the idea of adding pictures to a journal, that would give it a different dimension.

Do you keep in touch with your family in England?

I have some wonderful friends in Europe. I love keeping in touch with them and seeing their photos of the places they visit. Keeping in touch is also a way to experience their lives until you can get there yourself.

Cheers from Dools

[mg24]

Hey dools,

i do keep in contact with the a little bit, we have a family WhatsApp chat. My blog is open to anyone I just write anonymously. I guess I prefer it to a journal because I can get feedback and advice. Having friends in Europe would b cool! I wanted to go on a student exchange in the UK as a way to b in the country and possibly near my family but I also thought it would be pretty cool for me to have my own friends to visit in England if I ever went back with my family. I keep thinking about what you said at the start of your message we never know what’s around the corner but I can’t help thinking I’m currently on a very long straight road. I don’t want to seem extremely pessimistic or like, cynical or negative or anything but sometimes I feel like I know if something is just a fact of life. And to be honest I think not going back to the UK for a very long time is a fact of life. My family doesn’t have the time nor the money and I can’t go on an exchange so I just keep wondering, when? I just don’t know what to do, I’m always waiting for something but never actually doing. I don’t want to sound cheesy but I feel like I’m not living I’m just existing. Sorry if I sound super negative 🙂

[RandR]

Hi @mg24,

Did someone say cooking and fashion? Tell me more!! What do you enjoy cooking? Any personal favorites? Cooking is also one of my biggest hobbies! It was also one of y biggest saviors when life was getting a little tough at times. Fashion. My partner Veronica is obsessed with fashion. Is your blog on trends with Fashion? A blog is very cool btw!

Getting a part-time retail position sounds like a terrific idea once you reach the 14 years and 9 months stage! Also a great way for you to make some money that will give you a few options along with a great opportunity to meet new people 🙂 My first job was in retail for a clothes company when I was around your age. It was a great experience. Discounts on clothes was a bonus too 🙂

There's a saying. Your'e a product of your environment. I think this very true, especially when it comes to friends. As time goes on, new potential and genuine friends will present themselves. Trust me 🙂

Hope you have been feeling better and look forward to hearing back from you.

Regards,

Raman.