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[indigo22]

Hi everyone, have just signed up and introducing myself. I am a woman in my 60's and have pretty much been through the works. I grew up in a dysfunctional family. Have been dealing with Dysthymic Disorder and Major Depression since my teenage years. Have lost 3 family members to cancer, one family member and a best friend in road accidents, and another best friend to a rare disease. Have been married, separated and divorced (no children). Have had and recovered from a rare cancer. Have one sibling left who is a narcissist and has resented me from the day I was born, needless to say when I moved, I gave no indication of where I was going. I was already struggling emotionally when I started caring for family members during their cancers, my father died first but when my mother died just 10 weeks after my brother, I felt completely broken (like humpty-dumpty). My Major Depression progressed to Chronic status and had suicidal ideation for the next few years. I moved more than 300kms away to leave it all behind but after 1 year found out I had cancer in 2016. I am glad to say that I am doing much better these days and would like to put my many years of experience into helping other people not make the same mistakes that I made.

[white knight]

Hi Indigo, welcome

I strongly believe we are here on this earth to spread love and help others. Your experience is invaluable and members here come and go but some like me have remained for many years.

So I also have dysthymia, have bipolar, depression and had anxiety that I licked some years ago. I'm 67yo and had some family tragedy too with suicides and narcissism. I've managed to fight my way through it all and now with the help of my lovely wife of 12 years who like you has no children (but is "mum" to my 33yo daughter) we are now stable and life is good albeit with the odd bipolar hump that comes along.

Like you I have a lot of lived experience and we Community Champions rely on that to respond to posts from needy members. The site is fully anonymous and we never know the extent that our posts help others as they are also found on google if people entered a topic.

Even though you've had trauma all around you and including yourself, you have survived and also felt the right decision towards toxic people was to leave which I applaud. Well done in shaping your life how you wanted it. 

I hope you feel comfortable over time in adapting to this forum. I've been here over 10 years now... it's like home. So my advise is, if you see a topic you'd like to reply to and add some of your own experiences to help a member it would be much appreciated.

TonyWK

[indigo22]

Thank you TonyWK for your warm welcome,

It is comforting to know that I am not alone in my experiences. I realised a few years ago that all I have been through would be pointless if it wasn't used to help others. I just wasn't sure how to go about it. I am hoping I can make a difference here and am also in the process of writing a book. I have replied to one post today that resonated with me and would like to do that each day if I can. Your kind words are much appreciated and I share your outlook on spreading love and kindness wherever possible.

[white knight]

That's the way. Not being professionals we tread a fine line in our advice to others. Giving examples of your lived experiences is a safe way to go as you are showing how you achieved obstacles in your life.

I've written a manuscript about my travels based on mental health challenges and includes my poetry. Poetry corner is also a thread here-

  https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/bb-social-zone/the-poetry-corner-post-your-poems-in-here/td-p/54...

The second poem in that link might get you laughing.

Also about dysthymia-

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/sad-all-the-time-dysthymia/td-p/324717

And why we are here-

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/humility-and-quot-the-good-samaritan-quot/td-p/3075...

Thankyou for opening your heart.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhrtbBrMQ1Y

TonyWK

[indigo22]

Hi again White Knight,

Just wanted to let you know I am settling in and have managed to post replies most days and have even had a confirmation that I helped make someone feel better.

I hate spiders but your poem did give me a laugh.

I think we may have something else in common, I have always been drawn to the the King Arthur and knights of the round table era. I have some pictures on my wall of knights and I have a cat named Guinevere (I also had a Lancelot but he is no longer with us). Given your code name I am guessing you are drawn to that era also. I hope you are well and life is treating you kindly.

Kindest regards,

Karen-indigo22

[white knight]

Hi, Indigo,

I'm happy you helped someone. 

I named myself "whiteknight" because a therapist told me once I might have whiteknight syndrome. I looked it up and its a need to help others even though one needs help themselves. So, nothing about the round table lol.

So Lancealot no longer livesalot... sorry to hear that. 

I'm a firm believer that we humans are alive to help other human beings. 

Anyway, yes, been here 10 years and 9 as a champion. I feel it gives me good variety in my daily life. 

Well done, you are settling in... almost part of the furniture already lol

TonyWK

[indigo22]

Hello again White Knight (love that name),

It seems we actually do have something in common after reading your Champion post. I was raised in the west also, does St Albans sound familiar? I am no longer there but spent a good many years there, also some in the North (Preston and surrounding areas). So we may not have the Knights thing in common but we do have the west. Hope you are keeping well.

indigo22

[Scared]

Hi Indigo

I read your initial post as you sent the link. I cant help feeling angry at your sister. Because you were caring enough to talk to me I feel protective of you.

This is just who I am 

Having damaging sibling is really hard as I have one too which I had to let go and he doesnt seem to perturbed by that.

Narcissists can be very damaging people and I wonder what you say to yourself when combating that.

I have a friend who gaslights me and I get some comfort in knowing others see it too. 
But for some of us peoples words strike deep whether true or not especially from family as they can seem to hurt the most 
Im really glad for you that you come so far as you clearly earnt it.

Thank you again for talking to me