Hi, I’m going through a tough time, I don’t know what’s wrong with me

[Krippy]

Hi,

My name is Matt, I am Australian. I was diagnosed with quite a few conditions when I was a kid, but at the moment they feel like they’ve all blurred into one so I’m having trouble finding where to go to get support - or even find other people going through the same thing.

So for the past two years,  I was doing really well at work - kicking goals you could say, I was on a low dose of an SSRI for many years but about 6 months ago I went cold turkey off it because things were great. Had minor symptoms for a month then forgot about it. I think I started getting bored at work and a little depressed over the months - until one day I had a massive panic attack in a friend’s car. I hadn’t had a panic attack for about 5 years so forgot about them. I started getting them a bit more so my GP said I needed to go back on the same SSRI. 

Things were great for the first 7 days, but then the anxiety got worse and all of a sudden I got severe anxiety, agitation , minor confusion, racing thoughts & rumination and some memory issues and then came the dissociation. I just snapped and I don’t know why. I didn’t think it was the SSRI because I’d been on it 6-7 months prior. So I went to the doctor and she took me straight off the med, and told me to wait 7 days and then try an SNRI, and to take a low dose anti-psychotic at night. There is 3 days to go before the SSRI should be out of my system, but I don’t really feel any better.

The racing thoughts have calmed slightly but I feel like I have brain damage, I feel so strange and the mornings are brutal with evenings being a bit easier. I’ve lost my appetite and I can’t enjoy anything anymore (when I could just before the snap). I talk to people on the phone and they tell me I sound normal, I can still drive but I’m a lot more scattered and disorganised. It’s so scary, I’m worried that when the med is out of my system - I’ll still feel like this and that this wasn’t a medication reaction and I’ve just gone crazy or had brain damage. I’m off work and afraid to go back because I feel so weird and disoriented in the morning. 

My family is away on holiday at the moment so I’m alone. Just scared, I’m after support, advice, and just to know if anyone else has experienced anything like this. Thank you.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Krippy, 

Thank you for sharing and welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing here. We hope you find some comfort in sharing here, and in having a read through our community, many of whom have been through similar experiences.

We are so sorry to hear that you have been going through this. Medications can be trial and error at times and we are glad to hear that you are in contact with your GP who can provide you with advice. It's good to keep in contact with them and let them know if you experience any concerns. Panic attacks can be frightening experiences and we want you to know you are not alone with these feelings, we are always here to listen.

If you ever want to talk this through with one of the Beyond Blue counsellors, feel free to give us a call on 1300 22 4636, or reach out through Online Chat here.  

Thank you for sharing this and giving this community a chance to offer you their understanding and advice. We’re here to listen and offer support, and you never know how your story might help someone else. Please remember to be kind to yourself during this time, prioritise self-care whether that is getting outside throughout the day or sleeping in, do what feels right for you. 

Kind regards,  

Sophie M 

[Mark Z.]

Hey Matt,

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this hellish experience right now. That must be absolutely terrifying to have such an intense psych reaction come out of nowhere like that after being stable for so long. I can't even imagine how scary and confusing that dissociation and brain fog must feel.

But listen, you've been through this kind of thing before with the panic attacks and anxiety, so try to remember that this too shall pass, as crappy as it feels right now. Meds can really mess with our brain chemistry in crazy ways sometimes. The fact that it started right after going back on that SSRI makes me think your doctor is probably right that it's just an adverse reaction, not you going permanently crazy or anything.

Still, I get why you're freaking out and feeling so alone with your family gone. Is there any chance you could have a close friend come stay with you for a bit until this passes? I wouldn't want you to be isolated during such an intense episode.

The most important thing is being kind to yourself over the next few days while that medication works its way out. Don't try to push it at work or anything until the brain fog clears. Just take it easy, snack on whatever sounds vaguely tolerable, and ride it out. The mornings may be brutal for now, but they should get better once it's fully cleared from your system.

You've gotten through this kind of thing before, Matt. You've got this. Just focus on doing whatever self-care you need to do to get through each day. And please reach out to your mates or whoever else you've got in your corner right now. No one should have to face a psych crisis alone. Sending you all the positive vibes for a quick recovery!

Warmly,

Mark

[Krippy]

Hi Sophie & Mark, thanks for your warm welcome and thoughts. I will use the resources thank you.

cheers Mark, I had been though a mixed episode like this before but no where near as bad. The mental pain became unbearable and my thoughts got very dark, I’m in the psychiatric ward now, but the psychiatrist overseeing me is very cautious and is taking a diagnosis slow - and letting the SSRI come right out of my system just in case before trying something else. 

thanks again guys 

[Mark Z.]

Hi Matt,

I'm really sorry to hear you're in such a dark place that you had to be admitted to the psych ward. That must have been absolutely terrifying reaching that crisis point. I can't even imagine how unbearable the mental anguish and intrusive thoughts must have become.

But I'm glad you're somewhere safe now getting the care and monitoring you need. I believe it was a smart call by your psychiatrist to pump the brakes on new meds or treatments until that SSRI is completely out of your system. Giving your brain chemistry a chance to reset before trying something new is probably wise after such an extreme reaction.

Even though it feels hopeless right now, try to keep the faith that once that medication cloud fully lifts, you'll start feeling more like yourself again. I know the thoughts you're battling against are overwhelming, but you've got fighter's spirit in you.

For the time being, don't be hard on yourself. Just focus on taking it one day, one hour at a time. Lean on the support of the staff and any friends who can be there for you. It's also important to stay connected with your family, although they are oversee now. Write, draw, listen to music - whatever outlets help reign in the dark thoughts when they start spiralling.

You've got a whole team in your corner now. Let them take the weight for a bit until you get restabilised and back to a place where you can cope with the mental battles again. 

Warmly,

Mark

[Krippy]

Thank you Mark, you are very kind, I shall print your words out and re-read them when I feel like my situation is hopeless. Thanks again

[Mark Z.]

Hi Matt,

No worries at all. Feel free to update us on your progress if you're comfortable doing so. I hope you're turning the corner, but even if not, don't lose hope. Give yourself more trust and patience.

All the best,

Warmly, Mark

[Guest_62710792]

Hi, my first post ... joined today due to a need for better feelings.  I was diagnosed ADHD as an adult a few years ago while oseas. Prescribed an ADHD medication and also a low dose of an SSRI.  Upon returning to Australia I had a break and with GP help focused on addressing my issues without medication.  When I stopped the SSRI I had an episode of uncontrolled crying.  My GP put Me back onto the SSRI.  I then started the 8mth process to get back onto the ADHD medication.

I anderstand your situation and feel for you.  It made me realise getting the balance right is very important. Right now I feel off balance; Struggling with myself at work, drinking regularly and if I do not take the SSRI in the morning I feel the crying sensation build up, once I take the SSRI this calms down.

I'm glad you are getting help.  Your story has helped me to reach out to work on my own 'balance'. 

Thankyou for sharing.  I hope you are improving or at least in a safe space.

[Mark Z.]

Hi Mate,

Welcome to the forum, and thanks so much for sharing your lived experience with us. I believe you and Matt can inspire each other. Feel free to explore the forum and share more posts if you like. I hope everything gets better for you.

All the best!