binge drinker

[Stu]

Ok. Here goes nothin' I appear to have a problem with binge drinking in social settings. I am so hung over today and feel terrible. I must of had 12 drinks yesterday, 1 is never enough but 10 is too many. I don't know why I do this but it upsets my wife terribly and I fear our long term relationship will end if I don't get a handle on this. I am in the alcohol industry so giving up altogether is probably not realistic. I can easily go without alcohol for a number of days no problem but as soon as the social being in me gets on a role I can't stop. I am aware I have a problem and was doing well until yesterday. I don't know why I keep doing this.... 

[Daydreamer70]

Hi there,

Just wanted to say thank you for this submission and sharing your experience. My initial response to this is the fact that you are writing in about this issue shows me you have awareness of your behaviours/cycle and are willing to change. Seeking support is the first step to change.

I think the binge drinking in social settings is a lot more common than you realise. I personally have struggled with the same, where I would get carried away when given the opportunity. I also worked in the alcohol industry. I never had an issue with drinking during the week, but the second the weekend hit and I'd be out with friends and all consequence thinking would disappear. 

For me, and this may/may not resonate with you, but my behaviours had less to do with the alcohol, and more to do with the switch of/loss of control that came with drinking and being social. It felt like an escape. Knowing what fueld my behaviour allowed me stop feeling so helpless. Maybe that could be something for you to consider. Also taking time where you don't drink at all in social settings can be beneficial for you to break the pattern and regain some confidence within yourself. 

I know this cycle can feel like a trap and never ending, but hopefully some of these strategies can help you break the pattern. I did it after a year of feeling like I'd never break away. It just takes time and self compassion.

Write back to us if you would like further advice, otherwise take care and good luck!

[therising]

Hi Stu

As a 55yo gal, I still class myself as a binge drinker from way back which is one of the reasons I 1)rarely ever drink these days and 2)only drink under very specific circumstances. Once I start it's hard for me to stop. My daughter offered to drive me to my work's Christmas function just last week but I chose to drive so I wouldn't drink. If I drank, I guarantee that about 400 or so people would have been discussing my behaviour for days following. 

Took me some decades to finally work out why I used to binge drink as often as I did. In a nutshell, alcohol is a mind altering substance and I used to rely on altering my mind. Of course, the extent to which we alter our mind can have consequences. I tend to look it in the following way...

If I imagine I have 100 different facets to me, alcohol will bring some of those facets to life and drown some out

• It can bring the carefree part of me to life that leads me to no longer care about what may be stressful or depressing in my life but if I indulge too much it will bring the careless part of me to life. While the carefree part of me leads me to still be thoughtful, the careless part of me typically leads me to complete thoughtlessness. While there's freedom in not thinking, there can be consequences at times too
• It will definitely bring the dancer in me to life at a social event but if I indulge too much it will bring the fool in me to life
• It will bring the social butterfly in me to life, while eliminating my social anxiety or awkwardness, but if I drink too much it will bring the part of me to life that leads me to speak absolute sh** 😅, the kind of stuff I'll regret

and the list goes on.

One thing too much alcohol absolutely does is drown out the sage in me or the responsible part of me. We've all got those elements that may occasionally say to us 'You need to stop drinking, you're getting out of control' or 'Whatever you do, don't say what you're about to say. You'll regret it' or 'You need to be more conscious'. 

While these days I'm a bit of an 'emotional eater', I used to be more so an 'emotional drinker'. I used to drink to feel certain emotions: Using the above examples, feeling the carefree part of me, feeling the energy of the dancer in me, feeling the anxiety free part of me come to life. If alcohol could talk, I imagine it would say 'How do you want to feel? Okay, let's go. Start drinking'. Of course, the thing is if the people around us need us to be more thoughtful in what we say and how we behave, the thoughtlessness that comes with excessive drinking can really tax their patience and fuel their disappointment. If they appoint us the role of being more thoughtful or appoint us the role of being more responsible, the more we drink the more we dis-appoint ourself from such roles. They are left to feel the dis-appointments. Once we sober up, we can feel them too.