Hello - New to forum

SDW · ‎05-10-2016

Hello, I am having a bad day today and I'm reaching out for more assistance with current anxiety and depression due to a relationship breakup. I have consulted my GP and currently on a mental health plan in which I have already had two counselling sessions. I have family who support me but it's so hard to talk to them about everything, I don't want to let them down or start crying, they don't need to be dealing with my stuff. I have lonely days when I just want someone to talk to or check on me, today is one of these.

I have a full time job that isn't fantastic, very boring and lonely at times. I am trying to study online and this has added pressure, I had deferred for the last two months and now need to get back on track. I have pushed away friends for the sake of the relationship I have been in over the 3 years which was fresh off a marriage breakup. It was his decision to end it, I had little idea it was this bad for him. All my thoughts are about him, I can't get him out of my head.

Just typing these words and thinking it makes me so tense and helpless. Having a sad day today.

MsPurple · ‎11-10-2016

Hi SDW. I just had a look on the forums and saw no one replied to you. How have you been since you posted on this forum?

Relationship break ups can be really hard, especially if you have been in a long term relationship. I have been single since highschool so I can't fully relate (although I remember how hard that breakup was and how my depression got worse afterwards). All i can say is that you can get through this. I know it is cliche, but it is true. It's time for you. To figure out who you are. What are your dreams? What are your goals? Now these questions are hard to figure out for the best of people, but with depression it can make it harder. Some of these can take a lifetime. You sounded really down when you wrote this, so for times when depression is kicking you in the butt you should make small achievable goals. When depression is taking over me I make goals such as hanging out with a friend and going to the park/beach. Some me time. Some time for me to figure out myself. I know I have gotten off track but try make small goals and try figure out who you are. You sound like an amazing smart person (I think I have seen you a few times on the forums) and I know you will find another special person in your life (doesn't always have to be a partner, can be a best friend sole mate). It is also ok to be sad after a break up and to rely on your family for support. I know you would do the same for them.

I know what it feels like to be in a boring job. In my last job (I started a new job today) I didn't enjoy it and found it very repetitive and boring. I just told myself I needed to continue doing this job till I could find another job. Sometimes we have to continue doing a job we are not the most fond of until we can find that dream job. You are studying uni online so I'm sure that means you have a dream job in mind 🙂 As for struggling with dealing with uni and everything going on, have you considered registering for disability services. Mental illnesses qualifies for this service and the uni supports you and can create individual achedemic plans for you. Maybe something to check out.

Remember you are free to vent on the BB forums and ask for help. You can also call the number on the bottom of this screen if you need to talk to someone straight away.

geoff · ‎11-10-2016

hi SDW, I sorry that no one had replied to you until now, so this would make you feel even worse, and that's not what we want, but I do hope that you still checking to see if someone had replied.
Sometimes talking with your family can be very difficult for several reasons, you don't want them to know, or perhaps you feel as though they won't understand which is highly possible, or they may make comments that don't sit well with you, and that's why you want to keep it to yourself.
Breakups are always difficult for one person because they can't understand why this has suddenly happened and keep asking themselves why or could it have been saved, and this is unfortunately where you are at the moment.
Friendships tend to fade away when you do begin a new relationship, but you can't blame yourself for doing this because all you want to do is spend all your free time with him.
To study when you feel that you are in love would only be difficult and yes it would have been more pressure for you, even though your b/friend would have probably wanted you to continue, you couldn't see it that way.
Whether this was off his marriage breakup or possibly yours doesn't really matter to some degree, but for him wanting to end it could have been made suddenly or perhaps he was seeing someone else that you didn't know about and then decided to move on, so it's not that he didn't like being with you but now he has found someone else, and if this was off his marriage breakup then he will be a person who will want to keep changing partners.
I just wonder whether he has given you a reason why he wanted to end your relationship.
If you are able to go back to studying online then could be a way to cope, it isn't going to be easy because your mind will drift back and forth about why he left you, however once someone decides to leave a relationship there is little hope that it can be formed again, and yes my marriage ended after 25 years and that happened all of a sudden, I was not expecting it to happen and never thought it would.
Hope to hear back from you. Geoff. x

SDW · ‎11-10-2016

Hi MsPuprle and Geoff

Thank you both for your replies. Very helpful and very true. I did post another thread regarding the anxiety I was not coping with last week and the responses and support have been wonderful. At the moment I am on placement for my online course so very little time to be thinking about ex b/friend unlike when I am at my normal boring job. He is still in my thoughts everyday however but I am coping better this week, one day at a time, setting small goals and trying to reconnect with people. There are days when I would like someone to call me instead it just feels like I am the one calling everyone and no-one (except Mum & Dad tonight) make contact to ask if I'm OK. The forum has been a way for me to have that human concern, thanks. I am hoping the good days continue and I keep looking after myself. I am very grateful for so many things that are good in my life but can't explain why it is so hard to feel purpose or accomplished in anything I do. I suppose this is the explainable part of depression, why is it so?

CMF · ‎11-10-2016

Hi SDW,

I've posted on your other thread. Sorry I didn't see this one. you don't need to explain why you don't see purpose. We've all been there. Breakups are tough but the heart always heals itself.

i too met someone right after my marriage breakup. I too thought we had a great future together but he was a commitment phobic and found a way to end it. It came out of nowhere and I was knocked for six.its a long story but I fought to stay together and we did but it was awful. One day I just couldn't take it anymore and I walked away. Not long after I found I was pregnant. He was shocked but said we should have the baby and we'd work things out.

He treated me very badly throughout the pregnancy and pretty much abondoned me only speaking to verbally abuse me. That was over 3 yeRs ago and a lot has happened since but I now hate that I have to be connected to him. I love my little one with all my heart but I can't deal with him. We don't get along, he is still verbally abusive at times, I can't stand being around him. His true colours have come out. If we didn't have the little one I would have nothing to do with him, not after how he treated me. Why would I want to be in contact with someone who didn't want me?

i realise now that fighting to keep the relationship going was a big mistake. He didn't want me and as much as it broke my heart I would have been better off now. I could have had the chance to meet someone else, I could have Heasley my heart and concentrated on me. Instead I have to have someone in my life who is controlling and doesn't respect me. We are not in a relationship but he's around because of the little one (when it suits him) and that's the only reason he's here. I hate being around him. I can't stand it a lot if the time. My heart is still broken too because the on,y way to move on and s to have no contact. You cannot heal if you keep the n touch.

i know it's painful now for you but in the long run it's better than being with someone who doesn't feel the same. I was very lonely after my marriage break up and may have rushed into meeting someone. Unfortunately I met the wrong one and now I feel trapped as we are forever connected. I always wanted another child, why did it have to be with him? Why couldn't it have been with someone who loved me and wanted me? I could have been much happier but it's too late now.

cmf x