Going to try this....

[Pinkgiraffe]

Hello everyone, I have had an account here for ages but have never used it, so now is the time. I am 49 years old and live with my partner of four years who has been the most amazing gift of love and support. My previous diagnosis was on Complex PTSD (years ago) and for many years I was able to go without medication but have recently gone back on. I receive good counselling but I don't know if I still fall under that diagnostic category - right now I feel a great numbness and lots of various anxiety issues. I also have a chronic illness so have been isolating from COVID since March.

'm hoping to reach out to people on here, listen as well as be able to share my stories and I think I really need to begin to talk more to people about both my situation and support other people (which always feels like I am doing something productive). I could go on for ages about my situation - my biggest issue right now is that my brain is not working as it used to. Not sure yet whether it is depression, my chronic condition or something else, but I work in academia and I am currently unable to function the way I am meant to when working in a University setting. It is a long story but I'm hoping people here may be able to give me some words of kindness and wisdom. Thanks for listening.

[GlussTea]

Hello Pinkgiraffe. I joined today and this is my second post. I couldn't believe it when I read your story. I can realte totally to your experience in terms of turning to academia. I dropped out of a Ph.D because it was just too hard, and left Melbourne with my ex and kids because he insisted. He was not violent but constantly belittled me and did not value anything I had worked for. I became depressed, and he was unfaithful. That was the last straw and I left, and I now suffer from depression. It sounds like you are actually remarkably resilient, after what you have gone through, and that you have achieved a fair amount, and are blessed with a loving partner. I have found that I have to accept that I have this mental health condition and learn to live with it, hoping that more days will become OK, although I am not there yet. I do about 1/100th of what I used to, but that's OK for now. The gift of intelligence has not left me - I just have to focus on healing to be the most functional I can. GlussTea

[geoff]

Hello Pinkgiraffe, thanks for getting back to us, after several lovely replies.

You have accomplished a great deal and to get out of a DV relationship is just proof in itself, but it can still leave you apprehensive even you've done well in achieving a PhD and moving interstate and by doing these require an enormous amount of determination of wanting to be positive, or it maybe negative, or in between, but to do it, is terrific.

When it's possible for us to find another way to take up our days, we just have to be careful we don't saturate our new found joy, because it may burn out on you and that's not what we are after. so if you can, try and find something else, just so you can mix and match.

Great to talk with you.

Geoff.

[InhaleExhale]

Hi Pinkgiraffe,

It’s good to hear you are still doing your painting, drawing and writing. I like to do a bit of everything, read, knit, craft, woodwork. Posting on these forums is actually a huge help to others. There are many many people in similar situations who read the posts but don’t comment, so you are helping others simply by posting. If you’re interested in some volunteer work you could search around on the forums and have a go at replying to some posts. The social forums in particular are a bit of fun.

I just wanted to mention from your original post you were concerned about your brain not functioning as it used to. Depression definitely impacts on brain functioning and I think slows everything down. You might be frustrated because you have been very academic and had high-level functioning in the past. I could definitely relate to that. As your depression eases your functioning should return. You’ve been through a lot and need time to heal.

How are you finding things at the moment?

InhaleExhale

[Rob C]

Hi Pinkgiraffe

Firstly you need to stand in front of a mirrror look at it, smile and give yourself the thumbs up for finding a way to share your story. Truly.........well done.If I know one thing I know that sharing in whatever way you can is a critical step to better coming to grips with "stuff"......

I've been part of the Forums for some time but haven't posted for a while but have decided now to spend the remainder of Victorian Covid lockdown engaging with anyone else who may be struggling in whatever way.

I can't comment on the medical side of your circumstances, suffice to say I have been in a dark place more than once over the years ( BTW I'm 59) and interestingly enough I too have an education background work-wise and the last few months I've been struggling also. In many ways we can sometimes deal with one or two things or even multiple issues but when something like Covid comes along ( something no one has had to deal with) it can seem quite pervasive.

You are NOT alone my friend let me reassure you and to be frank some of the feelings you've described are more than natural. Possibly try and allow your self not to be perfect ( particularly during these times) and congratulate your self on getting where you have in life.

Take care for now.