Feeling hopeless, and like a failure for my children

[Nolight1410]

I have suffered with depression and major anxiety off and on my whole life. It’s been worse the past 2 years since I have had my twins. Covid and my 5 year old unable to attend school in Victoria has really triggered me. Plus I have been very unwell with pancreatitis the last 2 years, but recently it’s been debilitating. With the twins I cannot take my eye off them for a minute, so I am unable to do any home schooling with my 5 year old. Today I just lost it. I can’t speak I’m shaking scratching myself and just cannot calm down. I thought at least I can get her online with her friends to do her show and tell. Got her all ready she was super excited only to find out that, it started at 10am not 11am and we had missed it.
I feel like in every part of life I am failing. I have no help because of Covid, I feel alone and over whelmed.
my partner either yells at me because I won’t tell him what’s wrong, or when I finally crack and try and tell him he yells at me and calls me selfish and a child and to grow the hell up. I just don’t know what to do. I feel that there is just no light at the end of this tunnel. And maybe everyone would be better off without me here. There is so so much more this is just today. But I just cannot even speak about how I’m feeling to anyone because I don’t know what to say and I would stupid saying it.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Nolight1410,

Welcome to our friendly forums. Thank you for showing us such bravery in sharing this with us here today. We want you to know you've come to a safe and non-judgmental place where users give and recieve support based on their own personal experiences with mental health, many of which will have similarities to yours. We're here to give you as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

We're sorry to hear how much you are struggling at the moment. Did you know we set up a dedicated Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service - https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/ -  which is packed full of useful tips to help you manage your mental health during the pandemic as well as offering phone and webchat support 24/7 by specially trained and qualified mental health professionals. We'd encourage you to reach out to them on 1800 512 348 or via webchat here: https://cmwssonline.beyondblue.org.au/#/chat/start. You might also like to reach out to our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14 for crisis support.

Please keep checking in and letting us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.

[Ggrand]

Hello Nolight..

Can I give you a very warm welcome to the forums..

I’m sorry your feeling depressed so much major anxiety and struggling so much..

I can relate to the amount of time, a 24/7 constant eye on the twin and the anxiety that it has caused you..

My son & daughter in law had twins, they are now 7 yrs old and they once said to me that it was the hardest 5 years that they ever went through...Now they are at school it’s so much easier...

It’s so wrong your husband yelling at you when your trying to explain how your feeling..and telling you to grow the hell up...I’m really sorry he does that....He really should be giving you a hand helping you..in any way he can..Does he offer you any help at all....

Thats okay about making a mistake with the time of show and tell...There will be another day when it’s on..Please try hard not to be to hard on yourself..your doing such a hard job with the twins and your 5 year old daughter...Your allowed to forget times...it’s okay Nolight ..Your no way failing in any way..Your going through so much stress and anxiety with the pandemic in Victoria..

Sophie-M...has given you some great numbers to ring for some support..Please if you can..can you give them a call..no pressure dear Nolight..It’s just that I’ve called those numbers when I needed to..and they are so helpful...

Do you have a GP..that maybe you can talk to about your Depression/anxiety...and how your struggling right now..he/she can help you...

Please dear Nolight, looking after yourself is important..please be gentle with you...and keep us updated on how your feeling..anytime you feel up to it..

We are here for you..to help support, getting through this hard time your struggling with..

Kind thoughts with care..

Grandy..

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