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Big feels, lonely, insignificant, unseen, unheard, unimportant and invisible.

Galaxy-Hunter
Community Member

I am feeling all the big feels of loneliness, insignificance, unseen, unheard, unimportant and invisible. That’s just the surface really. I have a partner and who is oblivious to how I am feeling. He is not the type of person to be sensitive to many situations. Most nights of the week, too much alcohol has been consumed by him, although I am grateful that he is generally a happy drunk unlike my first husband. My life is boring and consists of sitting at home and scrolling social media and watching tv. I have a spinal problem that was diagnosed in the last year that has made exercise difficult and painful at times. I also have spinal stenosis where the nerves are pinched and I spend a lot of time lying down as that is less pressure on my back. Sometimes while I’m walking my back gives way. There is no real chance of fixing my back, only managing it and the pain. I do need to lose weight which would help, but thats not easy either. I don’t have any friends except for an older lady who is lovely and I visit her every couple of months and it’s usually because she has phoned me and she needs my help with her computer or phone. I don’t work but I used to have a really great job ( 10 years ago) and was the frontline face of the organisation and since meeting my husband and moving to be with him I seem to have lost my way. I don’t have any purpose. My husband comes home from work and tells me everything and I mean everything he did at work, including all the conversations he had with the team in his department. I switch off sometimes. I feel like I know everything about them. He comes home and switches on his laptop and continues to work. The days are gloomy and worse now winter is here in Vic.


This is just a part of the big picture. I just feel so blahhh, teary, lonely and just sad.



10 Replies 10

Yana8216
Community Member

Hello Galaxy Hunter 🙂 lovely to meet you!
I think there are so many people that can relate to your situation. I feel a little less alone after reading your post and I think it will help other people too, so thank you from all of us ❤
It's hard when our physical health gets in the way of the life we want to lead. And I know how hard it is to lose weight, I love food. Chocolate is the BEST!
Your partner sounds nice and uncomplicated. Sometimes it's helpful when they're not too emotionally sensitive. You may need to be quite blunt/ frank/ obvious if you need to communicate how you're feeling but I think you'll find once you've got the message across he'll do what he can to help.
I don't have friends either. I am close to my immediate family (6 people and my dog) but they live far away. I find it hard to believe people would want to spend time with me.

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hey there, Galaxy-Hunter!
Thank you so much for joining us in the forum community! We are really grateful to have you, and we hope you will get a great deal out of being with here with some remarkable peers,

Ah yes - the feels. Those are familiar. For so so very many of us. It can be so much harder again when you are getting those feels in moments where maybe it feels you shouldn't have to  - like when sitting next to a partner. When sitting within your own body and expecting to be comfortable and pain-free, and yet....

Bracing hope against things that seem lost or overwhelmed can be a huge task if you feel like you are doing it alone. Striving to maintain connections that are diverse can be so important, and we do hope we can start that process for you here! We also noted that that winter is feeling 'gloomy and worse' - do you find that weather really impacts too? This is something that might be worth discussing with your GP!

We would love for you to feel welcome to reach out to us directly; you can call anytime - 1300 22 4636, also click here to start a webchat.  

Please feel free to reach out to our friends at Relationships Australia as well. We have a hunch that there could be some really useful stuff on their site. 

Thank you again for being with us, Galaxy-Hunter - please stay in touch.

Regards,

Sophie M.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Galaxy-Hunter, I am very sorry for the injury you are trying to cope with, and trying to lose weight can be a problem most of us want to happen, and even if we do achieve this, it's keeping it off that is the problem.

It's very well for your husband to come home, start drinking, then tell you everything that happened at work and then turns on his pc and 'continues to work', while you have to suffer on your own, to me that's only being one sided this marriage.

Can I suggest you have a look at NDIS, there may be some help available with this program and encourage you to have a look.

Let us know how you get on.

Geoff.

Banksy92
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Galaxy-Hunter,


I can relate to your post a lot. Spending lots of time on my own after I acquired an injury a few years back left me feeling very alone and unfulfilled. I had less control over my body and my relationships were very limited in the outside world.

Sometimes our partner can be our whole social connection and this can be difficult on both ends, I'm sure your partner means well by sharing their day but I can see how this may also be too much for you.

 

l understand you are limited due to your injury, but do you have any hobbies that you could try doing a bit more of in your down time? Whenever I feel zonked out from too much social media, I try to start a new craft or hobby to stimulate myself in a different way. It really helps. At the moment I'm really into embroidery, other times I play piano or read a new book. If exercise is challenging, perhaps you could try getting into cooking and try a more dietary focus for weight loss? 

Just a few ideas, let us know how you're getting on.

Fiatlux
Community Member

Hi Galaxy Hunter,

 

Lovely to meet and fantastic name. Shows that you are an interesting person indeed.

 

I won’t give you a long reply tonight.

I get you.

I have been working from home more than 2 years now and outside of work I have nothing in my life at the moment. I rarely leave the house any more.

 

I am hopeful that the motivation to do something about it, kicks in soon. In Spring, I tell myself.

 

Take care and keep in touch here. 

Hello Yana8216 

 

Thank you for your reply and it is so lovely to meet you too. It’s such a relief to know there is someone here for me, to hear me, notice me and listen. The last few years I feel like my voice and opinion have been squashed and just having this forum for me to be able to have my voice is a blessing and I’m so grateful.  My back problem is causing me so much worry and pain lately and I have no one to talk to about my struggles.

 

I am glad that you have a close family.  I have 2 older siblings that I’m not in close contact with and I have one adult child, but life is busy for them and I don’t want to be a burden. My poor dog doesn’t get many walkies because I’m just not up to it must days, but she is my one constant loyal friend.  I think you would be a lovely friend to have 😊

ahh yes, Chocolate, is the best. I bought a block yesterday, a new one I hadn’t seen before, Chockito! Like the chocolate bar but in a block, it’s so good. Have you tried it? 

Hello Sophie_M

 

Thank you for your welcome message. It’s so comforting to know there is such caring people here. There are many reasons that I feel gloomy, the weather does play a part I guess, also our house is gloomy and old. I don’t go out very much either. I will keep a note about the web chat in case I feel I need that support. I don’t feel confident to talk to my Dr about how I feel. I have been considering changing to another Dr also. I feel that he not the right match for me. My pain certainly makes me feel like I’m doing it alone for sure. Some days I worry what my future will be like. 

 

Hello Geoff 

thank you for your reply. 
After I read your post I thought maybe I’d painted a bad picture of my husband. He is very supportive of me staying home, not that I could work anyway. I guess we all have our grumbles about our partners, but he does have a very good heart. He has his not so good side though. He is an old fashioned bloke I guess you could say. 

I don’t think the ndis would have anything for me as I’m not on a disability pension. The back problem I have is Degenerative Disc Disease and it is moderately severe. I don’t qualify unless I have spinal stenosis a lot more. I do have the stenosis when I stand too long. I’m really thankful that we have enough and are able to get by. Loosing weight is going to be what I’m going to focus on moving forward from here. 

Hello Banksy92

Thank you for your reply. 

I’m so sorry that you had an injury and we’re suffering similar feelings to mine. I really feel alone and scared. But reading the posts here have brought a little bit of hope back to me. I am not alone here, and it’s very comforting. 

The one thing I think that saves me is my craft class I attend. It’s once a week and I do my own thing. I’ve just rediscovered crochet which I am enjoying. There are other crafts and hobbies I could resume and or take up. I love cooking, maybe too much!! I love eating and that’s a problem for me and my back. But that being said I am going to focus on loosing weight and trying to find foods that don’t cause inflammation in the body.