Difficulties Understanding Treatment

[P12]

Counsellors and psychologists to whom I have spoken have told me to identify my long term goals and strive for their achievement. But my attempts have been unsuccessful because I lack the practical skills for achievement and that has caused me greater dissatisfaction than before I attempted to achieve the goals. What is the reason for this strategy and why are counsellors and psychologists unwilling or unable to give me practical advice?

I identified the technical topic most interesting to me, looked for collaborators, and asked for support to pursue my interest. I found only two people in Australia with similar interests and believe they are unwilling to collaborate with me because by discrediting me their circumstances will improve. The feedback I received about my requests for support is that the topic is not relevant to society. Instead I am expected to perform a job for which I am imperfect and therefore I am excluded because my processes and ideas are different to the industry. Is it true that society's objective is for greater normality and what is the reason for such a strange aspiration? Why does society reject people who are different? Why does society not allow me to pursue my individual interests and talents? What is the purpose of living if society has no use for my talents and the role that society would have me fulfil causes me trauma?

I was told that independence will not cause me long term satisfaction. Yet, as I have tried unsuccessfully for more than ten years to form a friendship, I question this assertion. The prevailing strategy suggested to me for gaining friends is to participate in activities I enjoy as there I am most likely to meet others with similar interests and beliefs. What is the purpose of living if society directs me to one outcome but it cannot provide the means to achieve that outcome? Surely independence is a far more effective solution.

I'm pretty sure I am lonely. I would like to have a friendship or at least feel welcome in society. But my efforts never seem to work. People make suggestions but I must be special because they don't work for me. The harder I try, the more independent I become, because my methods appear stranger to others, and the less liked I become. I really don't understand the society in which I live. I wish I wasn't so sad.

I often cry uncontrollably and am unable to sleep when I realise I will not achieve my desires and there is nothing I can do about it. My life is apparently meaningless.

[Croix]

Dear P12~

While your approach might be different from mine I think you are quite wise in saying that one needs to choose one's own goals, and that other's views can be unhelpful. I'm not sure what is wrong with wishing to be independent, to be able to rely upon oneself is a pretty big thing. In fact it is something that may allow you to give more to a future friendship. Do you understand what your psych was trying to say?

I get what you are saying about outcomes giving your life meaning, I guess I'm not that organized or conscious enough about how I am and what's happening:(

I'm very glad you have a way of thinking about things that gives you encouragement, even if not appearing to be on your psych's agenda. Do you think you will be able to work with him?  When I found a psych who did not relate I've been fortunate enough to be able ot change. Not everyone has that luxury.

Croix

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

I am a lot like you when it comes to goals. Working towards a goal gives me great satisfaction, focus and sense of eventual achievement.
I agree with you that people need to choose their own goals but, and I say this gently, the goals need to be realistic for the individual. Not everyone can be the life of the party, top of the career ladder or manage a hectic schedule, for example.

So, in my opinion, this judgement about what’s a realistic goal has to take into account your unique characteristics, your perception of what “independence” means and your mental health concerns.
I’ve mentioned before that I don’t understand “independence” the same way you do—we think different and that’s okay. But I’m wondering if you think it’s possible that there was a similar difference of thinking between you and your psychologist? 
Just a thought for you to consider. Hopefully you’ll be in to see your new psychologist soon.

Kind thoughts to you 

[P12]

Hi Croix,

Overall I have had difficulty understanding my psychologist. Predominantly he seems to have tried to normalise me by directing me towards what a normal person would do. However, this causes me distress because I don't necessarily seek the same outcomes as a normal person. When I have tried to understand the strategy, he has tried to explain it by supposing that the strategy is not actually normalisation, or that my true needs are hidden behind what I think they are. I have used the past 121 posts on this site to try to understand the strategy and the principles of psychotherapy generally. If I understood the strategy or principles I might be able to feel better. After visiting him for 3 1/2 years and feeling that I am no closer to achieving my goals I have decided to visit a different person this year. He was clear that I am free to visit others and return to him when and if I wish.

From P12.

[P12]

Hi Summer Rose,

I do think there was a difference of thought between my psychologist and I. I have difficulty understand the purpose of paying someone a disproportional cost for what I am gaining from the payment. Therefore I would like to visit another practitioner this year.

From P12.

[Summer Rose]

Fair enough, P12. Fair enough. It’s definitely not cheap to engage a psychologist and you want results.

It’s always good to monitor progress and reassess. I hope you have better luck with the next one!

Kind thoughts to you

[P12]

I have made an appointment with a new psychologist in six weeks' time.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

Congratulations!
Gives you plenty to time to prepare for your first appointment.  You know how the process works, what worked well and not so well for you with the last practitioner, so you could prepare questions to vet the new person.
Just thinking that this person could be a good fit, but equally could not. Could save you a lot of time and money to really understand their proposed approach.

Kind thoughts to you 

[P12]

I will ask my new practitioner the following questions:

- Can you describe your treatment method? You appear to favour acceptance and commitment theory.

- Can we discuss my perceived shortcomings of past treatment methods that I have tried and how your approach can overcome them? The subjective-objective confusion of treatment, mismatched objectives with my practitioner, shortcomings of CBT and ACT, unresolved reasons for seeking treatment.

- Have you worked with people who have the condition that my previous practitioner believes I have?

- What frequency and format of meetings is feasible? I doubt I can meet more than once each two months.

- How do you feel about my objectives: independence, self esteem, eliminating loneliness, eliminating trauma, understanding psychological distress, understanding psychological treatment principles.

- How do you feel about my reason for choosing you? Behind your facade you appear to have a similar character to me. If I cannot pay people who can give me value to actually do so how does the world actually work?

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

I can see that you've put a lot of thought into your questions.  I recently engaged a psychologist to help me process and deal with the diagnosis of an unexpected serious physical illness (it's incurable and causes disability).  I was very anxious about my future and felt I might have been heading to depression.

Thought I'd share the questions I asked, just in case it helps you.  They were:

• You offer a range of therapies but what are my best treatment options?
• In what ways do you think these treatments could help?  
• What is the best option for me?
• When will I feel better?
• What happens if I have a set-back during treatment?
• What if the option we choose fails?
• What will be required of me and how long will I need to see you?
• What will this treatment cost?
• How do we measure success?

Then we had a discussion about the possible role of medication in my treatment plan. Before we finished, I made sure that we had a shared understanding of reasonable and realistic goals and outcomes.

Kind thoughts to you

[P12]

Okay Summer Rose. Good luck for your meetings.

Recently I have become more aware that my brain is apparently stressed. I have noticed symptoms such as slight nausea, exhaustion, and variable cognition. Sometimes I think they are similar symptoms to a dull headache in which I can feel my head swirling and pulsating. I also think they have some similarities to what I have read about panic attacks, but less severe, and other psychological events that I have experienced. I have noticed they occur in cycles. When I become aware of a threat, my brain apparently activates adrenaline and/or other chemicals to allow it to overcome the challenge it faces, but then it needs a recovery period for a few days afterwards. I wonder whether this is a natural process and whether it is overall beneficial. I think it has a disproportional effect because I think I would better enjoy a more level existence and because it does impact my physical health. I have been trying to overcome these symptoms for years. I suppose my life will just be stressful and that this is why humans do not live for longer lifespans.