Difficulties Understanding Treatment

P12 · ‎07-09-2021

Counsellors and psychologists to whom I have spoken have told me to identify my long term goals and strive for their achievement. But my attempts have been unsuccessful because I lack the practical skills for achievement and that has caused me greater dissatisfaction than before I attempted to achieve the goals. What is the reason for this strategy and why are counsellors and psychologists unwilling or unable to give me practical advice?

I identified the technical topic most interesting to me, looked for collaborators, and asked for support to pursue my interest. I found only two people in Australia with similar interests and believe they are unwilling to collaborate with me because by discrediting me their circumstances will improve. The feedback I received about my requests for support is that the topic is not relevant to society. Instead I am expected to perform a job for which I am imperfect and therefore I am excluded because my processes and ideas are different to the industry. Is it true that society's objective is for greater normality and what is the reason for such a strange aspiration? Why does society reject people who are different? Why does society not allow me to pursue my individual interests and talents? What is the purpose of living if society has no use for my talents and the role that society would have me fulfil causes me trauma?

I was told that independence will not cause me long term satisfaction. Yet, as I have tried unsuccessfully for more than ten years to form a friendship, I question this assertion. The prevailing strategy suggested to me for gaining friends is to participate in activities I enjoy as there I am most likely to meet others with similar interests and beliefs. What is the purpose of living if society directs me to one outcome but it cannot provide the means to achieve that outcome? Surely independence is a far more effective solution.

I'm pretty sure I am lonely. I would like to have a friendship or at least feel welcome in society. But my efforts never seem to work. People make suggestions but I must be special because they don't work for me. The harder I try, the more independent I become, because my methods appear stranger to others, and the less liked I become. I really don't understand the society in which I live. I wish I wasn't so sad.

I often cry uncontrollably and am unable to sleep when I realise I will not achieve my desires and there is nothing I can do about it. My life is apparently meaningless.

Guest_9872 · ‎07-09-2021

You write very well P12. What you describe is like the story of my life, although my situation has gradually improved. My diagnosis is level 1 autism. Something to consider if you have not already done so.

Petal22 · ‎07-09-2021

Hi P12,

Wellcome to our forums!

We all meet friends in all different ways…….

Can I ask what interests you?

What do you desire?

I think that if you really believe in something and want to achieve it you can, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise…..

Sorry you feel sad.

Im here to chat to you

Sophie_M · ‎07-09-2021

Hi P12,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us here. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for support, you also never know who will read this post and feel less alone in their own experiences. We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling sad and that you feel like you lack the practical skills to be able to acheive your goals. We understand that this must be very overwhelming for you. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

If you would like to talk to someone we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums.

Guest_9872 · ‎08-09-2021

P12, I have read your post a few times and I think the key line is "The feedback I received about my requests for support is that the topic is not relevant to society." I strongly suspect that the feedback given was an error of judgement by whoever provided it. It's hard to say anything definite without details of the proposal but I think crowdfunding might be the answer, along with getting someone to market the crowdfunding page. You would reach an international audience who might be more open to the idea than people in Australia.

P12 · ‎10-09-2021

I appreciate the kind and encouraging replies.

My goals are:

To be independent. To live freely and alone as much as possible.
To have a friend. Someone accepting of my contributions and offering me support.
Intellectual satisfaction.
To make a contribution to society of which I am proud, which matches my talents and interests.
To observe, hypothesise, and share my insights about the natural world. To receive worth from nature for my talents and interest.
To be in control of my thoughts, feelings, and actions.

The technical topic of interest to me is fracture mechanics, and how it relates to research, analysis, conserving nature, and reducing land development.

Guest_9872 · ‎10-09-2021

Those are really good goals P12. If it is the case that you are an 'Aspie' (Aspergers Syndrome person), then Aspergers Victoria is a really good organisation to join, regardless of what state you are in. They have a lot of good programmes for social things and mentoring.

P12 · ‎12-09-2021

I appreciate again the feedback. I feel I would like to clarify the difficulties I face in case anyone knows the answers.

How is the Beyond Blue Support Service different to other counselling and clinical psychology services? Several psychologists and counsellors whom I have approached in the past two years have told me they are unable to speak with me because I have another psychologist. However, despite having a mental health care plan I find the cost too high to speak with them more than once every three months. I am also confused by the policy. In my experience, it is necessary to diversify interests. I believe a decentralised economy works by someone being both an expert in a topic and an expert at giving the perception of expertise. If I persist with being only an expert I will not receive support because my life is too short for someone to find value from my interests. Then what is the purpose of an individual's life? Translated to mental health support, this means I am responsible for acquiring the mental health support I need and directing counsellors and psychologists towards the specific problems I face. But I am blocked by the policy?

I believe the prevailing mental health treatment method in Australia is cognitive behaviour therapy. I have used it for the past three years. However, I feel I have reached its limit because I cannot determine how to overcome the disproportional effect of other people's actions towards me. I believe the theory says I cannot change other people's behaviour, only my own thoughts, feelings, and actions. However, my experience is that this is unsustainable because, regardless of my intellectual and emotional strength, eventually the criticism and exclusion I face will overwhelm me.

I believe the second prevailing method is acceptance and commitment therapy. It says I should stop worrying about certain parts of my life and spend time on values that are important to me. When I shared my values with my psychologist they told me I should change some of them to be more socially appropriate because in the long term this will cause me greater satisfaction. I am confused by how to proceed. I'm not allowed to do what interests me and I must worry about whether my values are in other people's interests. That appears a contradiction.

Thank you for reading my message.

Petal22 · ‎12-09-2021

Hi P12,

Thank you for your post…..

I think it’s great that you have an interest in fracture mechanics just have that belief in yourself that you can proceed with this in any way you wish…… go for it! You could even write a book….. move forward with it… dream big…. You can obtain it….

Yes correct we can’t change how other people perceive us…. It’s up to those individuals to change their internal world…… it’s up to their self development……… Ive done a lot of self development and I’ve changed my internal world to be accepting of others no matter their appearance we can learn a lot from other people if we just learn to not judge and open our minds…….

I did metacognitive therapy I had severe anxiety OCD this therapy changed my life! It bought great self development for me…… I can sit back and see what my mind is doing and I’ve been able to challenge my thoughts and beliefs and change them and my behaviour towards others….. it’s been an amazing journey and I’m still growing… maybe you could see if this therapy is a fit for you…….

Think big my friend and just do what really makes you happy……shine bright….. your path is waiting 🙏

here to chat

P12 · ‎01-10-2021

Some of the responses have suggested there is nothing preventing me from achieving my goals but I am unconvinced.

I wouldn't need treatment if I could achieve my goals, but society puts in place barriers to prevent me from achieving my goals, which cause me to need more treatment, which tries to make me more like those in society who are unlike me, which makes me less likely to achieve my goals, which causes me to need more treatment.

From what I can tell, this is a self-fulfilling cycle for the benefit of society, not me. How does society justify itself and how can I escape the cycle and achieve my goals?

I wish I wasn't confused, anxious, sad, or stressed, and could action my goals without being prevented from achieving them by other people.