Difficulties Understanding Treatment

[P12]

Counsellors and psychologists to whom I have spoken have told me to identify my long term goals and strive for their achievement. But my attempts have been unsuccessful because I lack the practical skills for achievement and that has caused me greater dissatisfaction than before I attempted to achieve the goals. What is the reason for this strategy and why are counsellors and psychologists unwilling or unable to give me practical advice?

I identified the technical topic most interesting to me, looked for collaborators, and asked for support to pursue my interest. I found only two people in Australia with similar interests and believe they are unwilling to collaborate with me because by discrediting me their circumstances will improve. The feedback I received about my requests for support is that the topic is not relevant to society. Instead I am expected to perform a job for which I am imperfect and therefore I am excluded because my processes and ideas are different to the industry. Is it true that society's objective is for greater normality and what is the reason for such a strange aspiration? Why does society reject people who are different? Why does society not allow me to pursue my individual interests and talents? What is the purpose of living if society has no use for my talents and the role that society would have me fulfil causes me trauma?

I was told that independence will not cause me long term satisfaction. Yet, as I have tried unsuccessfully for more than ten years to form a friendship, I question this assertion. The prevailing strategy suggested to me for gaining friends is to participate in activities I enjoy as there I am most likely to meet others with similar interests and beliefs. What is the purpose of living if society directs me to one outcome but it cannot provide the means to achieve that outcome? Surely independence is a far more effective solution.

I'm pretty sure I am lonely. I would like to have a friendship or at least feel welcome in society. But my efforts never seem to work. People make suggestions but I must be special because they don't work for me. The harder I try, the more independent I become, because my methods appear stranger to others, and the less liked I become. I really don't understand the society in which I live. I wish I wasn't so sad.

I often cry uncontrollably and am unable to sleep when I realise I will not achieve my desires and there is nothing I can do about it. My life is apparently meaningless.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

I can’t thank you enough for your very kind words. They actually brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for your very special gift.

Talking with you has brought a lot of joy to my life and I feel that I‘ve learned a lot, too. One thing’s for sure, you always make me think!

I wish nothing but the best for you this Christmas and always. May peace and joy be with you.

The short answer to your question is “no” … want to take some time to consider my response, so I’ll come back to you on this one.

Kind thoughts to you💜

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

Happy New Year! Let’s hope this year is better for both of us because to be honest last year was horrendous for me. Here’s to sunshine, good vibes and happy days!!

I don’t think your brain working differently to some other people will make other people naturally not want to interact with you. For example, we’ve been talking for many months (maybe a year?) and I like interacting with you.

You are an interesting person. You are successful, as evidenced by your education, career and willingness to reach out for support when you know you need it (you would be amazed at the number of people who lack this insight and courage). You always make me think.

You deserve respect, acceptance and love, just like anyone else. And I think this is possible for you in society. But I do think …

You have to be really patient with people when they are trying to understand and appreciate you, like you have been with me. (I know I am not as smart as you but you put up with me!) Give people showing interest in you lots of chances, even if you can’t immediately see a way for them to enrich your life.

This is because, in my opinion, other people are not machines designed to improve your life and they too have wants and needs. Not all interaction has to be purposeful.

And you have to find people who are willing to spend the time to get to know you—this is like winning the lottery for everyone hoping to make a friend. It takes persistence, which I know you have (one of the things I really admire about you).

My last thought is that social interactions may be easier for you in one-on-one situations. This is because you have mentioned that it takes you time and effort to work people out, so the less behaviour there is to decode the greater effort you can put into the conversation.

[Summer Rose]

If I have said anything that upsets you, I apologise. I think of you as a friend and feel really comfortable sharing my thoughts with you—even if we don’t always think the same or have the same opinions!

Kind thoughts to you

[P12]

Hi Summer Rose,

I appreciate your reply because often many people I try to communicate with simply stop responding and this makes me a little disappointed. I feel pleased to continue communicating with you.

I am a bit confused by some parts of your recent messages. When you said I had a large brain this made me think that either you had realised we are simply different people or that you were becoming frustrated with me. When you apologised in your last message, I thought this supported my conclusion, but I suspect there could be another explanation. Would you be willing to clarify to help me understand?

I do agree that I think I am better suited to one-on-one than large group interaction. It is not easy to find someone willing to interact with me like this. 

From P12.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

I am definitely not frustrated with you. I like you. I like that you visit your grandma, that you can openly talk about your feelings, that you tried something new by getting a plant, that you are determined to grow as a person and the list goes on. And I feel great empathy for you.

I’m so glad you feel comfortable enough to ask for clarification because if you don’t then miscommunication may occur.

When I said you had a “big brain” I meant three things. You are incredibly intelligent, you think a lot and you think about things differently to me (and perhaps other people).

When I apologised in my last message it was because I thought that my challenging the way you see the role of other people in your life might have upset you. I thought this because I suspect that the way you think differently about this issue is a reflection of your unique big brain and that my pointing this out might have upset you. 
It was not meant to be a criticism but I know that I am a direct communicator and text is not ideal, as it is very challenging to convey nuance or gentleness without the help of body language or facial expression.

I hope this helps!

Kind thoughts to you

[P12]

Hi Summer Rose,

When I read you clarification I feel settled because it appears nonjudgmental and has therefore helped me to better understand your intentions. I hope I can use this to improve my communication with you.

In an earlier response you asked me how I felt about my previous meeting with my psychologist. I felt disappointed and frustrated because I think I am not making progress towards my goals. My goals are independence and making friends, with the first being higher than the second. My psychologist has given me some helpful practical suggestions, but overall I feel imperfectly suited to him because I think he believes my first goal is inappropriate and should be changed and his suggestions to the second goal don't seem to be effective for the time I am able to visit him.

My observations of mental illness treatment are that achievement is highly subjective and based on trial and error. I think it seems more important to obtain a practitioner with whom one feels connected, regardless of what methods they use. For most in society this is a parent, friend, or partner. For me, I believe I should be able to pay someone of the right nature to spend time with me, with whom I can mutually make achievements of which I am proud. Therefore I have resolved to try visiting a new psychologist this year. I have an individual in mind. I have been waiting five weeks to visit my GP to try to obtain a new Mental Health Care Plan.

I felt a bit sad again today.

From P12.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

I agree with many of your observations of mental illness treatment. There is an enormous amount of trial and error and it takes a lot of time and hard work to progress. There are often no easy solutions and one size definitely does not fit all.
There is some consolidation to be found, however, in knowing that even when we’re not progressing we are learning—learning what doesn’t work for us. And you are not alone with this challenge.

It’s really sad that while people may want to work towards living their best life, there are so many barriers (eg cost) and access hurdles in the system. Waiting five weeks to see your GP is an excellent case in point. I really hope you will soon get an appointment to see the psychologist of your choosing.

I agree that a sense of connection is important, but feel that the practitioner’s area of expertise is equally important. My loved one has OCD and she needs an OCD specialist up-to-date with the latest treatments and research, not someone experienced with depression or BPD, for example.

And even among OCD specialists different treatments are offered and this is important. For example, CBT is the gold standard approach and this is backed by evidence. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work for everyone (going back to our shared observation) and thankfully there are other options but not all are evidence based. My view is that it’s always critical to look at the evidence behind a treatment method as a starting point.

And, as a parent, I am not capable of providing the professional mental health care she needs. I have taken it upon myself to learn as much as I can about her condition, but I am not a professional. I see myself much more as a loving, supportive, informed life coach.

Sorry to hear you’re feeling sad. Maybe you could try getting out for a walk, listening to music or some gardening to lift your mood. Physical exercise always helps me to improve my mood.

Lastly a word about my intentions. My only intention here is to offer you support and kindness—without judgement. Now, I’m human, which means I could make a mistake or be wrong about something, but I want you to know that I will never deliberately try to hurt you or cause you harm. 
Kind thoughts to you

[CodyJon75]

Why do these professionals keep heading to text book actions like goal setting?what goal?

I'm ruined

[Croix]

Dear P12 - please excuse me for answering another in your thread, maybe it will resonate with you too.

Dear CodyJon75~

I have a feeling that some clinicians act as if one size fits all. It is true on any journey, including life and mental health issues, that it can be one method of perceiving progress and thus encouragement to have goals to work towards. It can be quite neat way of looking at things and does have its advantages.

I've never been asked for goals and never encouraged to have them. As somone in recovery from PTSD, depression and anxiety I've not thought in those terms. Even so I've reached a stage were life is good and symptoms, which may come and go, are manageable. This has come about though ongoing therapy , medication and family support.

I have a feeling that if I'd set or been set goals that might have been counter-productive, they would have generated pressure which would have heightened anxiety, given opportunities to fail and also perhaps encouraged me to give an 'unrealistic' picture to my therapist.

May I suggest that you regard simply traveling as best you can as being an end in itself? You may find that suits you better.

What do you think?

Croix

[P12]

Overall I think that having goals has helped me. These are outcomes that give my life some meaning. Making small progress towards them makes me feel useful. I do think however it is important that someone can choose their own goals. Being told, without convincing evidence, that my goals are unworthy simply makes me sad.