Difficulties Understanding Treatment

[P12]

Counsellors and psychologists to whom I have spoken have told me to identify my long term goals and strive for their achievement. But my attempts have been unsuccessful because I lack the practical skills for achievement and that has caused me greater dissatisfaction than before I attempted to achieve the goals. What is the reason for this strategy and why are counsellors and psychologists unwilling or unable to give me practical advice?

I identified the technical topic most interesting to me, looked for collaborators, and asked for support to pursue my interest. I found only two people in Australia with similar interests and believe they are unwilling to collaborate with me because by discrediting me their circumstances will improve. The feedback I received about my requests for support is that the topic is not relevant to society. Instead I am expected to perform a job for which I am imperfect and therefore I am excluded because my processes and ideas are different to the industry. Is it true that society's objective is for greater normality and what is the reason for such a strange aspiration? Why does society reject people who are different? Why does society not allow me to pursue my individual interests and talents? What is the purpose of living if society has no use for my talents and the role that society would have me fulfil causes me trauma?

I was told that independence will not cause me long term satisfaction. Yet, as I have tried unsuccessfully for more than ten years to form a friendship, I question this assertion. The prevailing strategy suggested to me for gaining friends is to participate in activities I enjoy as there I am most likely to meet others with similar interests and beliefs. What is the purpose of living if society directs me to one outcome but it cannot provide the means to achieve that outcome? Surely independence is a far more effective solution.

I'm pretty sure I am lonely. I would like to have a friendship or at least feel welcome in society. But my efforts never seem to work. People make suggestions but I must be special because they don't work for me. The harder I try, the more independent I become, because my methods appear stranger to others, and the less liked I become. I really don't understand the society in which I live. I wish I wasn't so sad.

I often cry uncontrollably and am unable to sleep when I realise I will not achieve my desires and there is nothing I can do about it. My life is apparently meaningless.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

Thanks for your good wishes.

It’s a shame that you are experiencing “brain stress” and all that goes with it. Your insight into what’s happening is fantastic. Perhaps your new practitioner will have some helpful advice (sorry that I don’t). Keep the faith that someone will be able to help.

Kind thoughts to you

[P12]

Hi Summer Rose,

When I read your questions again I feel like sharing my opinion.

In my experience it is necessary to choose practitioners that we are likely to connect with and direct them towards the objectives we would like to achieve. I think this is the way the mental illness treatment process works. 

I searched for a practitioner of my demographic with whom I would like to connect but unable to find one suitable, nor able to find a similar person who wanted to befriend me, I chose the next suitable practitioner. Clearly, I will probably eventually find this person unsuitable, which is why I think the world is meaningless, because it is unable to supply that which my mind needs. But at least they might help me for a few years.

[P12]

Hi Summer Rose,

I re-read some of you past posts on this thread and I realised I could have misunderstood your situation. I am sorry if I was judgemental. I wish you well.

If I am right, I empathise that being different is hard and dispairing. I suppose all humans have weakness (even if only small) that they try to overcome, but for some people their weaknesses are almost unjust. I feel this at times even though I think my weaknesses are not as great as some people. I feel better by connecting with God and nature. These are really the most friendly and powerful things in the world; so much so that they diminish injustice in humankind.

I hope you are able to feel better.

From P12.

[Summer Rose]

It’s all good P12. 
I really appreciate that you took the time to write me such thoughtful words—it means a lot.

I am receiving an experimental treatment which is currently relieving most of my physical symptoms. It won’t work forever, but I’m concentrating on being in the now. And right now I can function, care for my family and enjoy some of my usual activities—which is awesome.

Like you, God and nature are both key parts of my support system. I actually just came in from watching the stars and feel calm, relaxed and looking forward to sleep.

Hope your brain stress isn’t too bad at present.

Good night and kind thoughts to you 
 

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

I’ve been thinking about your last post, as it really resonated with me at this time of my life.

I agree that all people have weaknesses as you say, the difference is that some weaknesses can be fixed and some have to be carried. But even if one must carry a heavy life long burden it doesn’t mean that you stop trying to improve your situation and live your best life. 
It is unfair and it’s incredibly tough but it is what it is.

I think the key is to be grateful for what one has and not worry too much about what you don’t have.

For example, I have been feeling sorry for myself and angry—really angry—because of this new disease but it doesn’t help or change the situation and it diminishes the quality of my life to carry such feelings. I feel better when I remind myself that I have great doctors, a support network, a strong belief system, my beautiful dog, etc, and I just get on with life.

I see you and many others doing exactly the same thing—battling on—though every situation is different and it makes me feel less alone.

Life may knock one down 100 times, it just means you get up 101 times.

And I think we do this because of the hope that lives inside us all. The hope that never dies. The hope that flows through the human spirit, even if we sometimes struggle to find it.

Kind thoughts to you

[P12]

Here are the outcomes of my first meeting during the past week with a new Clinical Psychologist.

- We discussed what brought me to visit. 

     - Same reason as first visiting a practitioner six years ago: self-esteem. 

     - Mixture of psychological distress: stress, exhaustion, anxiety, depression, interpersonal ineffectiveness.

     - Feeling discontent with progress with my psychologist for the previous 3 1/2 years.

     - Sensing a common character with the person.

- We discussed my objectives for the meetings.

     - Self-esteem, independence, reducing loneliness, understanding psychotherapy principles.

     - Making a proud contribution to society, in work & social situations. 

- What strategies have I used previously?

     - Cognitive behaviour therapy: analysis, experimentation. 

     - Analytical reasoning.

     - Problem solving strategies.

- What thoughts and behaviours occur during psychological events I experience?

     - I had difficulty answering.

     - Physical symptoms: crying, impaired sleep, brain stress.

     - Reduced integrity of decisions, regret,

     - Disproportional response to events. 

     - Traumatic past events.

- My psychologist uses acceptance and commitment therapy.

- Description of ACT.

     - Different to CBT. Less analytical / cognitive.

     - I feel I did not instantly understand it.

- Recommendation to focus on one objective. The principles of ACT are transferable to other objectives.

- For next visit complete worksheet about what confidence in its perfect state looks like.

- Next meeting in two weeks, another one month later, then may reduce frequency to three monthly.

- My psychologist was a little different to how I had imagined them. However, I still think we share a similar character. I perceive their mind works similar to mine, and I perceive that just like me they have been / are distressed by the world, but they strive to continue.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

Thanks for sharing such a comprehensive summary. It sounds like you covered an awful lot.

I don’t know much about ACT therapy either but I sincerely hope that it works for you.

Kind thoughts to you

[P12]

Here are the outcomes of my second meeting with a new Clinical Psychologist.

- ACT is a pragmatic method. It is important to have specific, practical goals for use with the method. It can be applied to many circumstances.

- ACT is a matrix of how I would like to live (objectives and obstacles) and how I sense the world (external and internal). The objective is move away from obstacles and internal senses and towards objectives and actions. It is partly about holding multiple ideas concurrently.

- I could redo the confidence worksheet to focus on specific, practical outcomes that I would like to achieve and values I would like to demonstrate. My psychologist seemed to suggest the one I completed was too abstract.

- List some role models that I may use to help me.

- I was asked whether I would like to connect with others through common interests. I found this difficult to answer. I think I do want it but I found the cost of attempting it disproportional to the benefits I have experienced. I simply said I thought humans naturally want it and because I am a human therefore I would too. However, I found that my brain is distorted into not being able to achieve its objectives.

- My psychologist explained human communication as a mismatch between people's ideas. I can try to minimise argumentative reasoning.

- I felt tired and overwhelmed during the meeting. My brain was not able to process what I was hearing fast enough to respond. I felt I performed a lot of listening and was unable to express my observations, apart from my body language.

- After the meeting I felt vulnerable and sad. I cried the following day after receiving what I thought was an unfair instruction at work.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

Thanks for sharing your update. For what it’s worth, here are my thoughts…

I think it would be a good idea to redo the confidence worksheet, as practical outcomes are important and I know you are seeking value for money after your last experience. If it’s challenging to move your thinking from abstract to practical that’s okay, maybe ask the psychologist to work it through the sheet with you in your next session.

I can certainly understand your hesitation to connect with others through common interests, as you have put a lot of effort into this in the past with limited success. Maybe you could try this method using a different common interest? Connection through mental health in the form of a support group? Just a suggestion.

I think it would be useful to explain to your psychologist that your brain was not able to process things fast enough to enable you to respond at your last session. Maybe you two could brainstorm ways to slow things down. It doesn’t have to be so intense.

Sorry to hear that you received an unfair instruction at work and that it brought you to tears. It sounds as though you really didn’t need that on top of your low mood. Today might be a good day to get out for a walk or enjoy another activity to balance out the pain.

Kind thoughts to you

[P12]

Thanks Summer Rose.

When I was asked my thoughts about what was being described I did say to my Psychologist that my brain was unable to process it so quickly. I realise it is a slow process to change thought processes. It was not meant to be a criticism.

I have attended support groups. I can try persevering.