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ED and relationship

Community Member

Hi everyone- I am going out on limb here. I’m a male in my mid 40s.

My sex life has been pretty good. However over the last 2 years on and off I will end up with ED issues.

This happens once every few months-My poor wife keeps taking as being she is not attractive or not good in bed etc.

one time I remember she was in a stunning outfit and then it happened to me for no reason. I am now at the stage where I am feeling really depressed over it all.

I loose sleep over it - worry she is going to do something silly ie cheat on me or replace me as I’m inadequate.

My wife says it’s natural Anyone out there been through this before?

2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Bayside14~

Thanks for bringing up the subject of erectile dysfunction. I'm sure it has been a most worrying tihng for you and it takes a certain amount of bravery to talk about it -even here where everyone is anonymous. Good on you!


As far as I know there is a multitude of referent reason for this and far too easy to jump to conclusions. Reading your past posts I can see that both you and your wife have been going though a very stressful time with your business. So stressful she burst out saying she could not go on.


Then htere was the business of the STD, which I hope is now as resolved as it can be. Hopefully trust and care have come ot the front and suspicion given a back seat.


In my own case it has happened though either extreme stress or else medication. For others it can be differing things. Like your situation, my wife worried she was not attractive enough until we found the real causes.


Can I suggest rather than taking it to heart you go and see your doctor and have whatever tests are appropriate and seek medical advice? It may well take a whole load of worry out of your life.


Incidentally I'm not sure about you assumption that if you cannot always perfom your wife might seek someone else. I'd have thought love and care are what many need, not perfect sex each time.


If you would like to come back and talk some more that would be great





Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi bayside14


Not sure if you're still reading replies here but just in case...


While it can definitely be tough, trying to identify exactly what lies behind a certain challenge, I'm someone who can't help but keep an open mind, which tends to lead to a lot of wondering and fascinating areas of research to explore. Beyond biology/chemistry and psychology, I've found there can be a lot of natural factors that can come into play when it comes to ED.


For certain reasons, I'm a gal who was led to wonder 'What contributes to ED?'. I found a huge variety of natural factors. I'll share in the hope that something feels relatable.

  1. A serious sense of feeling 'ungrounded' in life, whether that involves some sense of insecurity relating to the past, present or future or it involves a lack of a constructive and strong sense of self
  2. Barely enough energy to function in everyday life, let alone generating enough energy to go above and beyond the basics. With every cell in our body vibrating with certain levels of energy/activity, the question becomes 'How do I raise my vibe (cellular vibration) to the point of high or hyper activity?'. Plenty of rabbit holes there, from quantum physics through to spirituality
  3. While you could probably click your fingers when it came to 'getting there' easily in the past, when you were in your teens and 20s, mastering new ways may be an underlying challenge. How to gradually work up the energy and play with that kind of energy (sexual energy) could be an interesting thing to begin experimenting with and exploring with your wife. Maybe a few text messages to each other throughout the day (which can deleted after they've come in) could offer some 'before play'. Perhaps a relaxing sensual massage after a tough day at work could involve a wind down and work up
  4. Stretching the imagination can sometimes be another challenge. While maybe the same old stuff doesn't quite work as well as it used to, a deep dive into the imagination could lead you both to imagine what could possibly work. There are certain shops filled with stuff that definitely triggers the imagination. How far out into your imagination you both want to go is up to you. Starting small with some edible massage oil or going a little more out there with some leather accessories or something else could bring some excitement, definitely some laughter and some new sensations.

As long as there are no serious underlying issues, such as with vascular issues, could it be a matter of you both being on the verge of a new stage of your relationship, facing something far more exciting, in more ways than one? The thing about the verge is it can feel like a cliff's edge, with us coming to the end of something. Looking up and out, sometimes what we're actually facing is a whole new landscape. Survey and get a feel where you want to venture together. There'll be a reliable part of you (if you get what I mean) that'll help you get a feel for what works and what doesn't. Don't feel bad about what doesn't work, just keep searching for what does. If it helps, confidently define yourself as 'The seeker of what works'. Bonus if your wife's a seer and can see through her imagination what may work. She may come to truly enjoy the challenge. 😁