Difficulties Understanding Treatment

[P12]

Counsellors and psychologists to whom I have spoken have told me to identify my long term goals and strive for their achievement. But my attempts have been unsuccessful because I lack the practical skills for achievement and that has caused me greater dissatisfaction than before I attempted to achieve the goals. What is the reason for this strategy and why are counsellors and psychologists unwilling or unable to give me practical advice?

I identified the technical topic most interesting to me, looked for collaborators, and asked for support to pursue my interest. I found only two people in Australia with similar interests and believe they are unwilling to collaborate with me because by discrediting me their circumstances will improve. The feedback I received about my requests for support is that the topic is not relevant to society. Instead I am expected to perform a job for which I am imperfect and therefore I am excluded because my processes and ideas are different to the industry. Is it true that society's objective is for greater normality and what is the reason for such a strange aspiration? Why does society reject people who are different? Why does society not allow me to pursue my individual interests and talents? What is the purpose of living if society has no use for my talents and the role that society would have me fulfil causes me trauma?

I was told that independence will not cause me long term satisfaction. Yet, as I have tried unsuccessfully for more than ten years to form a friendship, I question this assertion. The prevailing strategy suggested to me for gaining friends is to participate in activities I enjoy as there I am most likely to meet others with similar interests and beliefs. What is the purpose of living if society directs me to one outcome but it cannot provide the means to achieve that outcome? Surely independence is a far more effective solution.

I'm pretty sure I am lonely. I would like to have a friendship or at least feel welcome in society. But my efforts never seem to work. People make suggestions but I must be special because they don't work for me. The harder I try, the more independent I become, because my methods appear stranger to others, and the less liked I become. I really don't understand the society in which I live. I wish I wasn't so sad.

I often cry uncontrollably and am unable to sleep when I realise I will not achieve my desires and there is nothing I can do about it. My life is apparently meaningless.

[P12]

Recently I was on boarded to the NDIS. Also an event I had organised on Saturday did not go ahead because none of the registered participants showed up.

[Croix]

Dear P12~

Well being accepted by the NDIS (I guess that is what you mean by 'on boarded') should be helpful and I hope you get what you need.

As for Saturday very disappointing however many meetings, both official and just freindly do not come off. All I can suggest is to be well known in other circles and then invite some of those members.  Can you to anything with members of your cricket club?

Croix

[P12]

Hi Croix,

I will consider your suggestions when I have time. At the moment my head hurts from working. I am in a state of daze.

[P12]

I want to share an update about my life over the past two and a half months for anyone interested.

Definitely my greatest consideration recently has been my work. I feel exhausted and burnt out. I have been doing a lot of additional unpaid hours. I have definitely tried to discuss it with my supervisors. The response has been mixed. I would say they are aware of it and very gradually changes are occurring, but the changes are fairly slow. I think things will remain the same until the end of the year.

I feel I made a little progress with my clinical psychologist and careers coach but ultimately come to the same answer as before, that I don't know a credible alternative. This makes me sad.

Unfortunately my work has reduced my wellbeing outside of work. I continue as much social activities and exercise as I can. Bushwalking, running, cricket, speaking, religion, discussion groups. My cricket season ended and my team finished runners up. I am proud of playing this season, though I did notice my feelings change in the second half. I suppose I have done less bushwalking and running this year than previous years, maybe it is because I have played cricket some days instead.

I have been speaking with a different psychologist once a month. I felt I have reached an obstacle with my long term psychologist. He says I should just leave my job. But I don't know a credible alternative. The second psychologist seems to take a less direct approach, so it hasn't had much effect on me. The prevailing message seems to be to work less hours. But how can I do that when I have pointed out to my workplace that I disagree yet they continue to make only very slow changes.

I found an occupational therapist who I think could be a good fit for me. Our first meeting will be this week. It seems like it will be slow progress.

I have an appointment scheduled with my social coach for two weeks. It will be our first meeting for a few months.