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Rollercoaster
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Almost a year to the day of his first admission my husband is back in hospital. He has relapsed quite badly despite being on lots of medication and under good care from psychs and doctors. He was improving but it seems like they change his meds he gets a lift and two months later starts to fade. He is very low right now and they are considering treatment resistant approaches. I was floored initially as we were thinking about graded return to work just a month ago as he was doing so well.
He has been off work for a year but a great help to me around the house doing the job of a stay at home dad and doing all the kids after school activities as well as laundry, pets, gardens, bins, shopping etc. Now he is back in the clinic its solo parent time again for me. Its a big adjustment for me - trying to get the kids to lessons and classes, working two jobs, looking after the dog and chickens (I wont even go near the beehives!) trying to be hopeful for him that they might hit on a treatment that works, and generally running myself ragged!! My kids have something almost every day after school and sometimes multiple runs are required - I drop one somewhere then the other somewhere then pick up the first boy then back for the second.
I have started my weekly plan again - its a good way for me to make sure I am scheduling some down time. I am just posting again here as writing things down is also a helpful strategy for me. I am blessed with family support and good friends but sometimes depression just sucks and I like coming to a place where I know others are struggling too. I hate people pitying me for whats happened, it just is. The depression has caused a huge upheaval to our lives, I dont know if my husband will ever be able to work again but there are more important things in life than money and work.
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Hi Winterfell
Thanks for taking the time to share what is going on with you. Depression is an ongoing and frustrating illness - you think it is under control and being managed and then Bang, it is back with you.
Even thought your husband has been off work it sounds like he has been a fantastic support. Hopefully the current situation is temporary but sounds like you are getting organised to keep on top of who needs to be where. Can you and the kids visit the clinic and see how he is going?
It sounds like you have your priorities right - i.e. your family comes first and everything else will work itself out. That is great that you have support - use it! Don't be afraid of asking for a hand. People love being useful, especially those close to you. It is really important that you take some time out for yourself even when your husband is in the clinic. You need to feel well and have some balance so that you can be strong during this time.
Blue Jane
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Hi Jane
we visit him usually twice a week - the clinic is in a great location close to our home with shops and a weekly market virtually at the doorstep so its easy to go out or to just stay in his room. He is incredibly low, the worst I have ever seen him so its hard but i just have to keep going and hope for the best
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Hi Winterfell
Sorry for the delay in my reply. Not good to hear that your husband is not doing well. Has the clinic shared their thoughts on what might work or what is next for treatment?
I can only imagine how hard it is to see your husband like this. How are the kids handling it?
How is your weekly plan going?
Have you been able to find some time for yourself this weekend?
Blue Jane
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Thanks Jane
Last week was very bad, the TMS hasnt worked and my husband was in a dark place. I find it horrid sometimes to be completely honest. I just have to keep faith and hope going for myself and him
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I am sorry to hear that Winterfell.
Depression is so up and down and it is easy to get frustrated and give up. But don't, this is another set back and you and your husband will get through this. Keep reaching out to your family and friends and keep doing things for yourself.
Does the clinic have any thoughts on what might be the next best step?
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You are one strong woman Winterfell......I hope you are really proud of yourself. It is a tough time at the moment for you, but remember ...nothing is permanent, there are better days waiting for you. I admire your strength
Sending hugs your way
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Thanks Jane
ECT is our next option, we seem to have exhausted every other treatment