Husband with Bipolar Disorder

[LunaTree]

Hi everyone,

I am looking for advice and support regarding my relationship with my husband. We married nearly 3 years ago (together for 6 years in total). When we first met he was in a terrible place mentally, however with some support he picked himself up and seemed to have gotten through what I thought was a period of depression. There have been warning signs over the years, lots of highs and lows in his mental health, impulsivity, lying, cheating (which he still denies) but I continued to try my best to be a support for him, as challenging as it was. Over the last few months he had become increasingly aggressive, explosive and violent. I had to pack up myself and my children (he is not their biological father) and leave our life, home and relationship. I thought he was just a bad person and didn’t want or deserve us in his life. A few weeks after I left, I found out from a family member that he had been diagnosed and treated for bipolar disorder just prior to us meeting 6 years ago. His family assumed that I knew and never thought to check that I actually did know. He had been hiding it from me our whole relationship. In hindsight it all makes sense and I feel like such a fool as I am a health professional and should have been able to identify this. He had stopped taking prescribed medication and treatment because he was embarrassed and didn’t want me to know. Since separating I have confronted him about his mental health and he has now made a huge effort to seek help. He says that he wants to be the loving husband I deserve and a role model for his stepchildren. At present he is in hospital receiving treatment, which is great, however I have now just fallen apart. I have history of depression and PTSD, so keeping myself afloat during this time with no support is proving to be terribly hard. I need my husband, he is my best friend and I have to pretend that I am ok so as not to interfere with his treatment and progress. I am a very private person and don’t have anyone that I can openly talk to. I don’t know how to continue on with the relationship as trust has been shattered and I have been so afraid of him at times. Any advice about being in a relationship with someone with bipolar disorder would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

[geoff]

Hello LunaTree, and a warm welcome to you.

I'm sorry that it has hidden away from you because BP has shifts in mood, up and down levels which you may not understand why these happen even though you are a health professional, please don't blame yourself.

While I don't know much about BP I realise that you should go and see your own doctor for treatment because it's not possible to keep on pretending, it becomes too exhausting and this will also affect how you feel.

Can I suggest you click on 'Get Support' at the top of the page and scroll down until you see 'Publications to download or order' which can be done by contacting BB, it's a booklet on depression and explains what to do and how to help etc.

You could also ring the BB phone number for information and there is also is a list of doctors also on 'Get Support' who specifically deal with mental illness.

Please, I urge you to look after yourself.

Geoff.

[Winterfell]

Please be gentle with yourself, I worked as a mental health professional for 12 years and didn't recognise my husband was sliding into an agitated depression. Geoff is hitting on a really important point, you need to get some support for yourself. This might be friends or family or may be a mental health provider for you (you can get a GP referral for sessions under better outcomes) or call support lines like BB or lifeline. Its not an easy journey being partner to someone with serious mental illness, you will need to have some boundaries in place for yourself and lots of self care. It is good he is seeking treatment and in hospital but I understand how fragile you must feel. Please reach out for support whenever you need