Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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I broke up with my bf and he realised he has depression

replies: 5

HI, I've just recently broken up with my bf (1wk ago) and at the breakup he told me he had been feeling miserable for awhile now. Background> He told me 6 months ago that he didnt know what he wanted for us and didnt feel the same anymore. This would go on for the next 6 months and he never wanted to talk about it. He would get angry when I brought it up. I would be sad, he would ask whats wrong. If i told him he'd get angry. If I didnt, hed get angry. I had an IUD which altered my hormones sometime ago before all this and it put me in depression. I recognised my change and got it removed. He fessed up that it had greatly impacted him and he didnt know if he could get over it. So i blamed myself for the fall of our rship. I was really sad and then feelings of grief for my mums death arose again. So i went to get some professional help. I meditated and worked on myself to change whilst trying really hard to get our rship back on track. But it felt like he wanted to a miracle and was doing nothing but waiting for it. He then got a Job offer which we had planned for to goto another city but then would hear bad things about the job. So he started to feel like he might not want it, but he didnt want to disappoint anyone. He never spoke about me joining him even though it was OUR dream. We hardly spoke about his move and he would get angry if i raised it. It was very hot and cold and we started sleeping in different rooms. My heart was broken. But i tried everyday to make it better. Then came May where we had booked a trip with friends overseas. And immediately after he was to move to the new city. The trip was great and it felt like we were better. Then he moved . I would ask him how he liked it.. how ppl were. And he would shut me down and told me to stop asking him and he had just moved there. When he called me it felt like a chore. He would call but he spoke to me like i was a friend. I kept telling myself that he had alot on his shoulders and thats why hes reacting. Til i couldnt anymore and it was draining me. So i called him and told him how it made me feel. And i couldnt do it anymore because i felt like i was adding stress, pressure and a burden. I love him so much but it was tearing me apart. He then told me he was miserable for some time and had gotten worse since he got there but didnt want to tell me. He told me that its now he realises he needs help. I feel bad I didnt see the signs and im leaving when he needs me most. Did I do everything wrong?

Father has anxiety

replies: 2

Hi! We're pretty sure my dad has anxiety (possibly also depression) and has since forever. Every time he speaks, it's always negative, and always focused on limited subjects. He has a strong idea that he is right and other people are wrong. He is never interested in anything I do unless it is study. He refuses to accept that I'm trans and walks out of family appointments with the local hospital. I think his anxiety might be influencing this. What can I do to improve my relationship with him/help him with anxiety? We used to get along great, but ever since I started high school, our relationship hasn't been so good. I don't know what I can do. Thanks!

Depressed hubby said he's giving up

replies: 8

New here. First post. I've read through a few. Basically he's been dx with depression and anxiety for 12 years. occasionally been able to go off meds. Has tried counseling but he said they're trying to change who he is. He's been low for the last 2 years. He's changed meds a few times. Today he's declared he's done. He doesn't love me. He said he's a waste of space and he's not trying anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of trying to help when it seems like he doesn't even want it. I am going to go to counseling again myself but any ideas? Do I just pretend what he says doesn't hurt. I don't think he's suicidal as he's always "given up " at various times and just doesn't do anything for awhile.

Depressed or bad guy?

replies: 2

I think my boyfriend might be depressed. I know he has been depressed in the past -but not since a couple of years before we met. He is in something of a rutt at the moment and I understand why he would be unhappy - but he no longer seems to have the motivation to change his circumstances. He is irritable and angry. When angry he says mean things and is violent. He never appologises or acknowledges any wrong doing. It isnt always this way and I dont know how to reconcile the two versions of him - he has been my best friend. Is he just a bad guy that I misjudged or could some of this be a result of his (possible) depression???

First time anxiety attacks - how do you support someone suffering from them? Especially someone you love so much?

replies: 4

So how does one support another who's suffering anxiety attacks? Especially a loved one who's never suffered from them before? Who do you turn to when the man you love is crumbling apart in front of you suffering, telling you he thinks you deserve better in a partner? When he needs the reassurance and support and love in the world, he knows he's got me to count on, to lean on. But if god forbid something should happen to me, and he's in a state of anxiety, I'm wondering whether i'll be able to rely on him to be there for me in the same way. Crazy, isnt it? I feel so stupid even as i'm typing this...this man is my world. His anxiety has only come to light in the past few years and i'm so proud of him for taking the necessary steps to get help. (as i've told him many times) Maybe i'm just sounding a little selfish and self centrered, i dunno. Thoughts anyone?

Advice / help needed - husband is unwell

replies: 3

Hi everyone. I'm a long time reader, first time poster. I am married to the love of my life, been together for 13 years (since I was 17) and married for 5. Approx 2 years ago, my husband reluctantly quit smoking before his 40th birthday and ever since then it has been a downward spiral. It's almost like the nicotine was masking / keeping something at bay, and now it's been exposed. Since quitting, he has been getting more and more anxious. Small things seem that most people would brush off, really affect him and he gets into these moods that take forever to pass. We are both self employed within our own company. He used to manage quite well. Now he is stressed and anxious all the time. He has a massive fear of things going wrong, him not being good enough or him being made to look like a fool / ridiculed. I have never met someone who is so hard on themselves, even though he truly is talented at so many things. I should probably mention that his childhood was miserable. His mother is literally an ice queen. Not a single maternal bone in her body, and him and all his siblings recall never feeling loved, encouraged or even wanted. He remembers being quite young (7ish) and not really knowing exactly what was wrong, but just remembers an overall sense of sadness and not wanting to be in that house. He left home as soon as he could at 18. We have tried everything. Medication (stopped working), psychologists, therapists, hypnosis, alternative medicine, fitness etc - it just keeps getting worse. He often describes a feeling of going along and everything is ok, then something will happen and he will fall back in his "hole" that he finds increasingly difficult to get out of. He recently did a Transcendental Meditation course which seems to provide some relief. It's so bad now that as soon as he opens his eyes in the morning, dread rushes in and he gets a tight chest. Even though his days really aren't that stressful, he's just not coping. Does anyone have any opinion on what could be going on here? We have never received an official diagnosis. What should we do? I adore this man and it kills me to see him like this. He truly is smart, funny, competent and capable - how do I help him see it? (Worth noting : we don't have any major stresses in life, we are very lucky - financially we are fine, we have a couple of houses, he has race cars etc. We don't have children to worry about yet. No major health issues (other than this)). Thanks in advance x

HOW TO HELP MY SISTER - DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY

replies: 2

Hi all, Thanks for taking the time to read this post. My sister has recently been diagnosed with depression & anxiety (we have known this for a long time however). I am just after some tips on how I can best help her. She isn't a really open person and it is hard to try to have a conversation about how she is feeling usually. Any tips or advice from your personal experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Has anyone spent anytime with their partner at a retreat for some time out

replies: 1

Wondering if anyone has taken some time out to face their marriage problems head on and the associated depression and alcoholism that is possibly the cause... my beautiful neighbours are about to call it quits and I would love to see them go somewhere with no kids or distractions for maybe 2 weeks together where they can get some daily professional help to see if they can get through this and if not how to go about dissolving it in the most amicable way possible for the whole family - it’s so sad to watch and they r both at their wits end - any advice on retreats in nsw or interstate would be great Thanks

help to stop the constant worry about a loved one with mental illness

replies: 12

Hi everyone I am writing here as I am struggling, unsure how to help, constantly worrying about things I cannot change and stressing about things that may never eventuate. Long story short my husband about 10 years ago was diagnosed with depression / bi polar disorder / ptsd as a result of a traumatic event in his chIldhood. At that time life sucked he used alcohol as his courage it was the turning point that was needed and we were able to get him the help he needed and he overcame the thoughts. Even to a point where he stopped taking his medication and was happy and relaxed. however, only this past week I have noticed changes in him and we spoke about it. He told me that for the past 8 months or so he has felt himself going down & he has began to have flashbacks again. He is having trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep, as his mind is in overdrive. He says he can be having a really good day and then bang! A reminder.. I truly thought 10 years ago we would never have to go through this again - how wrong I was, perhaps this is only just the beginning or it may be the peak and it will level out - who knows I guess only time will tell. He is currently working and he has acknowedged that work is good for him and it keeps his mind busy (which is a relief for me as last time he wasn't working) in addition he is sober and is staying that way - he knows what happens if he turns back to alcohol. I begged him numerous times to promise me he would not drink again- he has promised me- he is surviving on energy drinks so that I can handle. Although he and I are discussing his feelings, I still can't get it off my mind, I feel physically sick with worry and have not eaten in 3 days. I am waking in the middle of the night worrying about what to do. The part that worries me the most is if he did drink - I know how hard it was last time- me taking off in the middle of the night with the 2 kids in tow, not because I was scared of him but because I didn't want the kids to see what he was doing. Our kids are older now, and it won't be as easy for me to hide what is happening from them -in saying this though he knows the effect of drinking so I am confident he won't. I think I just need someone to talk to, but I'm not ready to tell my family yet. I hope this forum will be a chance for me to express myself whilst getting support and advise from others in the same situation. Thanks

Depressed husband thinking of ending relationship

replies: 3

One day l am the most wonderful supportive wife, the next day I'm the cause of his pain and complete misery. We go through this cycle of a low period, which something will then trigger off some anger/aggression along with some irrational behaviour and paranoid thought patterns. Then crash! a few days of sobing crying needing to talk through all the reasons he doesn't feel loved, trying work it out and rationalize why he can't stop crying. During this time he usually wont leave me alone followed by telling me to please leave as lm killing him. We have tried different medication, two psychologist, psychiatrist and our GP but it is getting worse. l dont know how to help him any more.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

I broke up with my bf and he realised he has depression replies: 5

Father has anxiety replies: 2

Depressed hubby said he's giving up replies: 8

Depressed or bad guy? replies: 2

First time anxiety attacks - how do you support someone suffering from them? Especially someone you love so much? replies: 4

Advice / help needed - husband is unwell replies: 3

HOW TO HELP MY SISTER - DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY replies: 2

Has anyone spent anytime with their partner at a retreat for some time out replies: 1

help to stop the constant worry about a loved one with mental illness replies: 12

Depressed husband thinking of ending relationship replies: 3