Partner with depression "fallen out of love"

[kel1962]

My partner is the most loving man I have ever been with always felt he would love me for ever no matter what.  About a year ago he was diagnosed with depression after a suicide attempt, he was taking medication and having some counselling, however he went off his medication a few months ago without consulting his doctor and stopped counselling.  Last week he told me he had fallen out of love with me, we are trying to work things out but he is finding it hard to feel happy about anything.  Has anyone else had this problem?  That their depressed partner has lost feelings of love?  I have suggested he goes back on the medication and he did start back with a counsellor last week.  I am feeling very vulnerable and sad as I don't want our relationship to end.

[white knight]

Hi kel, welcome

Has he fallen out of love with you or is he not capable of loving someone at this time? Good question. Loving someone as we know takes effirt, with some mental illnesses we haven't got the capacity to make this effort. Any effort in fact.

The only thing you can do is a/ don't panic and b/ wait. Continue to love him and wait. Hang around. Don't be any burden on him and see if he responds in time.

If in the end it works and he is grateful and one day tells you he does love you....your effort wont be in vain.

In the meantime I'd do relaxation exercises/classes. Give your mind some energy via helping it along.

Tony WK

[Chris_B]

Hi kel1962, this is a scenario that has come up a few times on the forums. Below are some threads you might find helpful:

My husband won't seek help

How do I get my husband to seek help?

My partner denies he is depressed and won't seek help

My depressed husband won't get help

Husband won't get help

He pushes us away - how do I help?

Pushing friends and loved ones away

I have pushed my husband away

Husband depressed says he wants to leave advice please!

Loving someone with depression when you're not sure they love you

I pushed my husband away

If you love someone with depression, you need to watch this

[Anonymous01]

Hi Kel1962,

This is precisely what happened with myself and my partner (we are currently living apart) - he fell out of love with me and still does not love me the same 'right now'. To me, ironically this all happened when he started 'feeling different' and in due course blamed our relationship and has at times told me I contributed to his depression (which for me, if true, is something very hard to live with).

From all of my reading on this forum there appears to be a common ground for depression and being in and out of love - having the capability or not to love at the time. 

If he is still on medication I hope it is helping his situation, slowly but surely. All the best to you and I hope things work out for you.

[Beck34]

My husband is also a very loving man and has always said he could not live without me and would never love another. I have always felt the same and so have gotten a massive shock when he told me he has been falling out of love with me for the past couple of weeks but has said nothing due to not wanting to hurt me. All this said he is also going through a breakdown along with a medication he was prescribed sent him into an absolute fizzle where he left for a few days. Anything i ask him about his love of wanting to fix things the answer is constantly i dont know. His mind is in a shambles and he is having trouble doing anything at all his head is constantly racing. I'm begging the universe that please let this fade of love for me in the past two weeks please be from the depression as I could not bare to live without him 😞

[Heartbroken89]

Hi Beck39

are you able to give us an update on what happened with you and your partner? I’m currently in the same position as you and would love to know what happened.