Rollercoaster

[Winterfell]

Almost a year to the day of his first admission my husband is back in hospital. He has relapsed quite badly despite being on lots of medication and under good care from psychs and doctors. He was improving but it seems like they change his meds he gets a lift and two months later starts to fade. He is very low right now and they are considering treatment resistant approaches. I was floored initially as we were thinking about graded return to work just a month ago as he was doing so well.

He has been off work for a year but a great help to me around the house doing the job of a stay at home dad and doing all the kids after school activities as well as laundry, pets, gardens, bins, shopping etc. Now he is back in the clinic its solo parent time again for me. Its a big adjustment for me - trying to get the kids to lessons and classes, working two jobs, looking after the dog and chickens (I wont even go near the beehives!) trying to be hopeful for him that they might hit on a treatment that works, and generally running myself ragged!! My kids have something almost every day after school and sometimes multiple runs are required - I drop one somewhere then the other somewhere then pick up the first boy then back for the second.

I have started my weekly plan again - its a good way for me to make sure I am scheduling some down time. I am just posting again here as writing things down is also a helpful strategy for me. I am blessed with family support and good friends but sometimes depression just sucks and I like coming to a place where I know others are struggling too. I hate people pitying me for whats happened, it just is. The depression has caused a huge upheaval to our lives, I dont know if my husband will ever be able to work again but there are more important things in life than money and work.

[Winterfell]

Thank you beingbyrne, that means alot and is something for me to keep holding onto. At times I get kind of drawn into his nilhistic thinking but I need to keep faith that this isnt permanent

[Blue_Jane]

Hi Winterfell

How are you? How is your Husband? Has ECT made a difference?

Blue Jane

[Winterfell]

It's funny as I logged in tonight to post and you had thought to check in, thanks 🙂

We have had a very rough few weeks, I contracted a serious respiratory illness and my husband is still in the clinic. They took him on and off meds and he nosedived. He had to stop some meds due to the plan for ect but it took 2 weeks for the work up and second opinions so he was kind of spiralling down. I thought he was bad before but I saw what I think was rock bottom.

ECT starts tomorrow, to be frank we are both very apprehensive however it seems that nothing is working and he cannot continue to live in this agitated distressed state. Wish us luck, my dream outcome would be that this is a turning point in his recovery.

[White_Rose]

Hello Winterfell

I am so sorry you and your husband are going through such a rough time. Depression really is the pits. I think the worst part is the belief that all is going well then suddenly nosediving. You sound such a wonderful, loving and caring wife and mother and you have my total admiration for holding on all this time. Being the partner of someone going through depression is, in many ways, just as bad as it is for the person concerned.

I hope you have recovered from your illness and getting back on your feet. I see you have written that you have a good support network which is fantastic. I hope these people are helping you through all the turmoil.

I know very little about ECT. Do you know what it is supposed to do or how it works? I think it's important that you have this knowledge and know what to expect. I wish you both the best of luck tomorrow. Please let us know how it all goes.

Mary

[Winterfell]

Thanks Mary

The ECT involves electrical current being passed through the pain to cause a seizure while the patient is unconscious. Its a fairly scary procedure in some ways but its done very carefully under anaesthetic and the process is individualised. My husband is having 3 treatments per week. We have seen an initial improvement which is very promising. He is thinking of the future and is less agitated and distressed. He has also been reduced from his cocktail of meds down to one antidepressant which I think is helping (he was on 5 meds and they had side effects and it was all a bit of a mess). His new psychiatrist is terrific - very evidence based but a kindly soul and I think we are on the path to stability.

[Mumma4]

Wow Winterfell, reading through this and your strength is admiring. I truly hope things continue for the better and you can all enjoy life a bit more. It must incredibly tough to see your husband go through all this, plus look after the family, plus work, plus look after yourself. I do not know how you do it with such a positive mindset.

x

[Winterfell]

Thanks Mumma

I think a year of this has seen me develop some skills to manage and keep my energy replenished. I still have alot of uncertainty about the future but I just keep the wheels turning and hope for the best! I think the old marriage vows really were tested this past 12 months and may be well tested into the future but I love my husband and he loves me and we are trying our best to beat this as a team.

[Winterfell]

Just back in for an update, The ECT was terrible with some bad reactions so that was the end of that treatment. My husband had an up and down last 6 months of 2017 and was diagnosed with treatment resistant depression. There have been some positives in the first half of 2018 though - he was given voluntary medical retirement so work is not an ongoing stressor, he was accepted into a psychotherapy program for a 2 year duration and he has gotten himself off to art group and yoga. It certainly is an enduring illness in his case and we are both focused on wellbeing. I wanted to update so that if other people are in a bad place to know that it can get better, things might never go back to the way they were but they can certainly be different and valuable.