My Bipolar Boyfriend

[happyface2020]

My boyfriend who is living with bipolar broke up with me and it was very out of nowhere. He told me well before we started our relationship that he has bipolar. We hit things off so well and connected so well and did during our whole relationship. Everything was going very well and we never argued or anything. I hadn't been with him during many of his highs or lows associated with his bipolar so I don't fully know what to look out for.

We were very close and doing really well and then he went on a 3 day camp and when he got back his mood had completely changed and he broke up with me. I have heard that people with bipolar can find it hard to communicate during a high or low so I feel like he has found it hard to communicate whats wrong to me. I have also heard that a high or low can be started from stress. I feel like the stress of starting university (which is a big change) and fitting in uni, work, study and more that he has been feeling could have started a bipolar high or low. Maybe this high or low is the reason for his very sudden change in mood toward me?

He says that I deserve better and he puts himself down and doesn't feel like he is good for me. I don't know how to let him know that he is good for me?

I wonder if these feelings of his will go when his high or low ends because he didn't feel this way before?

I think he is also worried that his bipolar high and lows will be bad for me because his mood toward me will change and he might feel like pushing me away sometimes. So I think he is worried that it will make me feel down and it wont be good for my mental health because he has said things like take care of yourself and stuff like that. I don't know how to let him know that I want to be there for him during his highs and lows even if that means he wants space from me during an episode or something, I want him to know that I want to be there for him and that I will take care of myself and I am happy? I want him to know that I believe he is good for me and that he makes me very happy and that I understand when he isn't doing the best.

Also if he is going through a high or low now, I don't think telling him these things will get through to him right now. What should I do? How am I going to know when his high or low is over and when to tell him these things at a time that it will get through to him?

Your help is greatly appreciated 🙂 Thank you!

[quirkywords]

happyface,

Welcome to this forum which is full of friendly people and support.

need to catch a bus soon and I will reply more later but I wanted to say how understanding you are. I have had bipolar for over 40 years and before I had medication I was all over the place. I only had physical relationships when high and was too depressed at other times to talk to others.

Self doubt and lacking confidence is very common .

You are right when very high or low it is not a time to talk about the relationship. When he is stable that would be the time.

There is a thread This bipolar life, you are welcome to browse and join in, it is a friendly group of supportive people.

Feel free to ask questions here on this bipolar life.

Welcome

Quirky

[browneyesxxx]

Hi happy face, I’m going through some similar issues. My partner of two years is bipolar and has known for over 20yrs. It’s hard helping them but worth it. My partner keeps it all inside and doesn’t let me see his “bad” side it’s so frustrating cause I just want to help. Just know being there for them is all that’s needed. Tell him you love him etc be honest. But he’s right you have to look after yourself. I’m a strong women and I’ve been through a horrible bipolar relationship in the past. I swear I have PTSD from that relationship which is now having an impact on my health. My partner is medicated but needs to talk to someone. Avoidance is a massive problem with him and he’s been putting it off. I have just left the house today for a few days because he’s not in a good place. I feel like I just make him worse because it makes me down which has this whole merry go round effect.
My advice for what it’s worse? Get educated on bipolar the more you understand the way they behave the less impact on your own health. I found “loving someone with bipolar” really good and helpful.
the hardest part is not having anyone to talk to that understands.
good luck, if he wants to make it work it will xx

[quirkywords]

Browneyes, welcome to the forum and thanks for using your post to help happyface.

You are so right in learning about bipolar and looking after yourself.

Also every person with bipolar is different and reacts differently.

I found that my ex blamed everything in our relationship on my bipolar and sure it did cause issues but not everything was due to that. We had problems.

I hope you get time by yourself to realise you don't make it worse. More than anything we often want the person close but cant help pushing the away. If there is someone who understands you as a person and separates that from the bipolar that is such an advantage.

You seem such a caring and understanding person and hopefully in your time away you will find the calmness you seek.