I'm extremely confused. Please Help.

[ArrowsFromThePast]

My ex and I were dating for two months. It was great. One night she was telling me how fast she was falling for me and how happy I make her. Then literally the next day she broke up with me. I never got a real reason why. Other than things were moving too fast and she suddenly was saying she couldn't take care of a relationship when she had mental issues that needed to be address. I didn't think that explained the overnight 360. Im still so confused.

 As time goes on I send her a message via text and pour my heart out to her.  She tells me shes out of town but Monday will contact me. We had a mini convo. Monday comes. No contact. Thursday I asked her if she wants to go to an event with me. No reply. The next Wednesday she messages me in the morning. Telling me she doesn't hate me and isn't ignoring me. She tells me cares about me. Misses me. Is happier when I'm around. And that she wants to see me. But when I tried to see her she told me that she couldn't. That her anxiety is messing her up and her mental health is really suffering and that going out in public was hard. So, I offered to come to her place and she said she couldn't right now.

I'm really confused as to what this is. She's telling me she misses me, wants to see me and is happier when Im around - but wont see me. Is this normal? I can't figure out if it's legit issues for her or an excuse.

[geoff]

dear AFP, excuse me for abbreviating your username, and welcome to the BB forum.

When two people start dating or have been doing for awhile the love and company that both of you provide to each other is always exhilarating, but if one of you has depression then not even love can provide enough to keep you together, whether this is only temporary or could lead to being permanent.

The reason why this happens is because they don't want to disrupt your life by you looking after them or trying to cope with how they feel, even though you believe that you could do this.

Maybe short term this could happen but long term then there could be problems, problems which you are unaware of and not able to cope with.

There can be some confusion by the person who hasn't got depression, believing that they are capable of helping the person suffering, maybe or maybe not, but long term it becomes frustrating that nothing seems to be working.

The person with depression normally wants to be alone and not respond to any texts, phone calls or letters simply because being by themselves provides a place of sanctuary, although they may still love you, it's difficult for them to display it. Geoff.

[Miss-Anne-Throwpy]

Welcome Arrows. I'm pretty new here too.

Perhaps take what your g/f says as exactly what it is. Two months is a short amount of time and regardless of how deep your mutual feelings run, it's unlikely to be at that warts and all stage. My speculation is that she simply doesn't want to share the dark side with you right now. She doesn't want you to see her place is a mess because she's too depressed to do the housework. She does want to go out and to see you but the anxiety (and maybe depression), makes this too exhausting a challenge.

Perhaps all you can do right now is stay in touch from a distance and don't challenge her too much. Do ensure she is getting support though. If her life is out of control, then she might need to be seeing her GP at the very least.

I do hope this is short lived and once she knows you're there without pressure or expectation, she may be more open. It's actually fantastic that she has confided in you so much already.

All the best xx

[Zeerose]

Hi there,

 I am in a similar situation .. I am confused lost and not sure what to do. Hey say they care and love us yet they want to be alone . It hurts deeply. I think about my partner well ex I should say now all the time .. It's consumed me. All I want to do is let him know I'm here and I have but he keeps pushing me. I also don't get responses from texts calls. I sent a simple friendly card in the mail he would have received it today.. And off course as I expected no response. It's frustrating but hurts so much that they want to deal with this alone. They don't have to . He's reached out to his friends but me he won't .. I'm absolutely torn. Hope things work out for you x