Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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I'm worried for my children.

replies: 6

Hi. I need some guidance, I have 4 children, my wife has suffered depression and anxiety since I met her, she has medication to help her anxiety but refuses to take it anymore, she stopped whilst pregnant with our fourth child! She cheated on me three weeks before he was conceived. Finally told me after having huge anxiety attacks when going for ultrasounds ect! Which was problematic also living 200 km from nearest centre. I forgave her for what she did, but she keeps lying to me, hiding things, I have no trust left, just doubt, I would leave in a heartbeat but I feel the children won't get fair treatment, yelled ect, I do most of the house work after getting home from work, and get abbused for not paying her or kids attention, always winging that the baby cried all day or kids take up every second of her time. I used to manage a property which was 24/7 and new I needed to be home more so am doing s adult apprenticeship! I am getting paid well and finances are ok when she chips in with Centrelink! Says car parts are my responsibility to pay but it's our car and the kids need it for school ect! To make matters worse our oldest is not biologically mine but I am on her BC. She is now talking to her ex about him seeing her, I have no troubles letting her know her real dad, everything is being done behind my back! I will always be there for my kids, but battling her anxiety is a large struggle every day. And getting worse to the point I'm scared to enter the room because she want to fight in front of the kids and bad mouths me to them. I need help.

I'm extremely confused. Please Help.

replies: 3

My ex and I were dating for two months. It was great. One night she was telling me how fast she was falling for me and how happy I make her. Then literally the next day she broke up with me. I never got a real reason why. Other than things were moving too fast and she suddenly was saying she couldn't take care of a relationship when she had mental issues that needed to be address. I didn't think that explained the overnight 360. Im still so confused. As time goes on I send her a message via text and pour my heart out to her. She tells me shes out of town but Monday will contact me. We had a mini convo. Monday comes. No contact. Thursday I asked her if she wants to go to an event with me. No reply. The next Wednesday she messages me in the morning. Telling me she doesn't hate me and isn't ignoring me. She tells me cares about me. Misses me. Is happier when I'm around. And that she wants to see me. But when I tried to see her she told me that she couldn't. That her anxiety is messing her up and her mental health is really suffering and that going out in public was hard. So, I offered to come to her place and she said she couldn't right now. I'm really confused as to what this is. She's telling me she misses me, wants to see me and is happier when Im around - but wont see me. Is this normal? I can't figure out if it's legit issues for her or an excuse.

My GF has depression, now she says she doesn't love me

replies: 11

Hi, So my gf and I have been together for a bit over a year and everything was going so great. She told me from the start she had depression but that didn't change how I felt about her at all. Right now things aren't looking too good, she is stressed out over exams and bad grades which has put her back into a bout of depression. I've also been a little jealous when she hangs out with other guys but I've been trying extremely hard to get over it. Within the last month we have talked about moving in together, she has mentioned the idea of marriage, and also that if she were to ever have children she would want them to be with me. She tells me I'm perfect and that there's nobody else in the world for her. Now she says she doesn't love me. She doesn't enjoy spending time with me, she has no sexual attraction towards me, and is quite cold towards me. She still enjoys hanging out with her other friends, and also baking etc which really hurts to know that the time where she is the unhappiest is with me. I don't know how her feelings can suddenly change like that, I love her more than anything and have supported her through everything. She wants space, we're giving each other a week without seeing/speaking to each other to see if that helps. Also I should mention that she has never really had a high libido as she has very low body fat percentage which messes around with her hormones, so I'm just hoping that it's a combination of this and her stress + depression that is making her like this. She has emailed her psychologist asking what she thinks, but I'm scared it's all going to end...I thought we were meant to be together, we already planned our futures and now this happens. Any advice, similar stories or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated

Finding it hard to weather this downward cycle (again)

replies: 4

Hi We've had a rubbish few days and I kind of buckled under the stress this morning at work (not a good look!). I'm nearly 'done'. My husband and I have been together for 13 yrs, two children, 8 and 4. He's from the UK from a rather close knit community of friends/family. He's always been the smiley, friendly one who battled cycles of darkness every now and then but refused to accept he was depressed. He's disorganized, can never find anything (keys, wallet, phone etc), is terribly messy and just chaotic. Two years ago, he was diagnosed with a life changing illness which has resulted in him not working for this past year. He's been 'officially' diagnosed with depression and anxiety and is on antidepressants which have been tweaked over the past year to double the dosage. When they're not working (or he decides he doesn't really need them) he's argumentative, picky, negative, anxious, lazy, short tempered and just seems to get tunnel vision. Our marriage has suffered greatly, which he puts down to me not loving him the way that I should and putting the children first. We've been to marriage counseling but its not really helped, nothing has really changed. He has asked for a divorce numerous times but neither of us want to leave the kids. He's in counseling himself and is at the gym once or twice per day for both physical and mental wellbeing. I'm back working part time. He's tried mindfulness at times. His frame of mind is really effecting our eldest who tends to push him further away when he gets like this and this in turn makes him feel worse. I have trouble offering any kind of warmth as I'm just so damn angry about it all (I know, he can't help it). I just don't know what to do anymore. This past weekend we were going for a bike ride and his anxiety about getting there caused such a big fuss prior to leaving I wanted to scream. This morning my eldest got very upset because they were rushed so much by their dad to get ready for school and all because he's not organized at all. I guess I feel like I'm always carrying the family then I get told that I'm hard and uncaring and only focus on the children. I strongly feel that a move back overseas to be by his family is the way to go (though its not all that easy for me) as he feels so unsupported here but he will not make a decision. He's scared of making the wrong decision all of the time/going home because he's 'failed'. Any practical advice on managing this? - help!

Pushing me away

replies: 3

My partner suffers from depression. Generally it seems to be managed well but there seems to be a pattern of approx every few months I see him go down. This is where I get shut out, he just stops talking, no communication at all, doesn't want to see me, tells me he needs his own time and time to miss me and that I need to understand and to not take it personal. I find each time I get shut out like I'm part of a game play and I just have to come running when he's ready and over it. It breaks my heart. I've spoken to friends about depression, he has given me stuff to read...he seems to function fine with everything else, he goes to work, has cotact with mates, even goes to footy training and socialised for several hours, no one else would know there is anything wrong....but I don't get anything, no respect, not the time of day, is this a cop out or can it just be the closest ones that suffer the most?

Are my problems rubbing off on him?

replies: 1

My boyfriend of two years is starting to show signs of depression. He used to be so outgoing, all he says now is that his "spirit is broken" and he's got no passion.Similarly so do I. I fear he's becoming like me. He works in a factory and does so well to put up with that PLUS crazy old me who can't keep her life together. I don't know how to get his passion back (let alone mine). What are we/I supposed to do?? I'm destroying the only person who is strong enough to still care for me.

Concerned for my boyfriend's depression

replies: 4

I've only been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a few months, but he has been very open to me about his past struggles with depression. I've noticed a change in personality over a last few weeks including his mood and behaviours changing and growing distant from me. When i asked him whats wrong he told me that he is depressed again. I tried talking to him about it but he shuts down and tells me its better if no one mentions it and that it will just pass. He has self harmed in the past and I'm concerned that it will get to this point again. Does anybody with experience in this have any suggestions? Should I just leave him be like he is asking? I know I'm inexperienced but i just have a feeling that leaving it will make it worse... Thank you

Questioning marriage

replies: 4

Hi there, I'm feeling very lost at the moment so I am here hoping for some good advice. My normally loving, caring fiancé has had depression for a number of years, which he takes medication for. Our relationship has been fairly fast-paced, only meeting in April last year and becoming engaged this February so this is the first time I have really experienced seeing him down. He has completely changed, becoming withdrawn, disinterested in life and for the past three weeks he has been questioning our relationship and if he wants to be with me. Sadly he is doing his absolute best to push me away and I am at a total loss of what to do. I want to be there for him to support him through this but no matter what I say or do I just seem to make the situation worse. I know I haven't handled things very well as I'm scared of losing him...I have lost my patience and snapped at him, said things I don't mean and put him down. All just adverse reactions to feeling helpless on my behalf I love this man with my whole heart....How do I fix this? Can anyone please tell me what to do to get him to start communicating with me again?

Boyfriend with Anxiety and Depression

replies: 4

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months. I love him like I've loved no one else. But from time to time he gets really low, and I've never had anyone close to me have anxiety or depression so I'm at a loss for what to do. I am a generally very positive happy person and despite anything life throws at me I push through it. So I really struggle to understand his moods sometimes. I just want to help. I give him love and support, but he will push me away, so I'll give him space, but he just retreats into himself even more. In the first few months of our relationship he was amazing, really loving and 'clingy' for lack of a better term. Occasionally he would have a couple of bad days but he seemed to manage them. But in the past month his mood has changed dramatically. He is working a lot more and bought a Playstation, so when he isn't at work he comes home and ignores me. When I approached him about it, he got angry, saying he has just been a bit low and Playstation is his release. Which I found odd because the first 7 months with no Playstation he was happier than he is now. I have heard that him pushing me away can be a cry for attention, so I'm trying to give him all I can give, but I either get pushed away or he barely even looks at me, it's like he isn't really there. When I say all I want to do is help him, make him happy, make him feel better, he just tells me there isn't anything I can do.

Advice for daughter

replies: 2

My 21yr old daughter was in phsyc unit last year for anxiety, she has been fine but recently I'm seeing the signs again and I've tried to talk it through with her but she is getting really agitated and saying just give me my space . Don't know what t... View more

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

I'm worried for my children. replies: 6

I'm extremely confused. Please Help. replies: 3

My GF has depression, now she says she doesn't love me replies: 11

Finding it hard to weather this downward cycle (again) replies: 4

Pushing me away replies: 3

Are my problems rubbing off on him? replies: 1

Concerned for my boyfriend's depression replies: 4

Questioning marriage replies: 4

Boyfriend with Anxiety and Depression replies: 4

Advice for daughter replies: 2