Love of my life turned stranger

[ConcernedEx]

I was with my ex partner for almost a year. Was a true love story, the man of my dreams and I was so in love and happy. About 6 months ago a family member of mine got very sick and he was there for me through thick and thin, my rock. Also, through all of that we were going through life changing decisions in our own lives: where to live, where to settle down, kids, marriage, life, career, etc, etc. We started a fairy tale relationship but encountered quite a few hurdles in a short amount of time but thought we were handling everything quite well. My partner started to retreat about 4 months ago. He stopped enjoying activities we used to love, stopped talking about future plans. Even told me he thought about suicide. I was desperate to help and tried everything in my power to make him happy. Bent over backwards to do sweet things for him, make him feel special, even neglected my own family and life for a period of time. Which in hindsight was silly. I wanted to get him back closer to family so we decided to move back to his hometown in hopes they could help. On the drive back, we had many arguments. Mostly over him not saying a word for miles and miles in the car and me feeling hopeless to make him happy and try to have fun which was a daunting task. About half way through the trip back, he ended it with me. Saying "this relationship is hopeless, I've given up". That was it, and I had to spend the next 3 days in the car with him and he went back home and I went to stay with friends in a different city.

It has been 6 weeks since that day he dropped me off. I gave him space and time and have since tried to reach out. Sent him a letter of how I feel for him, a couple texts, and I spoke with him on the phone once. He sounded much worse than he did when he dropped me off, almost angry to be speaking with me. Reiterating that "it is hopeless and he has given up". His family has stayed in touch with me and a couple days ago his father said that he has not left the house since being back 6 weeks ago and has been telling his family to leave him alone and not speak with him. He has not seen any friends, not gone back to work, nothing. And is still ignoring me. I feel so at a loss. I am leaving the country in a matter of days, have lost the love of my life and now I am the one that feels hopeless to help him. Not sure if this is breakup blues or depression and not sure how, if at all I can help. 

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[Pixie15]

Hi ConcernedEx,

Welcome to the beyondblue forums. Thanks for sharing your story. I am sorry you have not had a response before.

It is a difficult situation. However you need to remember that your ex is the one that instigated the break-up. If he does not want to talk to you it is not really in your power to help him. I am unsure why his family are getting in touch with you. Maybe because they are holding out hope that you can still help him in some way.

I am sure that you have been given a lot of advice offline from beyondblue and the best you can do is pass that on to his family. I would suggest you head off overseas to do whatever you have planned without remorse. He could still contact you if he really wanted to.

I hope whatever your plans are that it works out well for you.

Thanks,

Pixie.