Supporting family and friends

Pinned discussions

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

•

41 unread

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a conversation

Advice for daughter

replies: 2

My 21yr old daughter was in phsyc unit last year for anxiety, she has been fine but recently I'm seeing the signs again and I've tried to talk it through with her but she is getting really agitated and saying just give me my space . Don't know what t... View more

Boyfriend battling depression we just keep going backwards, what do I do? Please help

replies: 7

Hi first time on here but just looking for any advise that people have in what I can do and my situation possibly people that have been through depression and can help me understand or have advise on what I can do. When my partner and I first got together he was very loving, your typical honeymoon fade of the relationship we had plans for our future and spoke a lot about the things we wanted together. In the last 6 months as we became more serious he began to open up about his struggles with depression the problem now is that as we get more serious he gets worse, we have spoken about it possibly being the commitment to a relationship that is giving him anxiety but he is adiment he wants to be together and just needs to work through it. He is active in trying to treat it and has spoken to doctors and is on medication but he wants to do it all on his own and just shuts me out when things get bad.. I feel I am constantly nagging him to spend time together otherwise I feel he would just stay at home but it has got to the point where he is too anxious to be at my house and we haven't spent a full day together in months we only see each other for a couple hours at a time which is really hard. i am really proud of him that he is trying so hard to fix it on his own but I feel if our relationship is the issue that makes him anxious it is something we need to work through together (possible counselling together??). Several years ago he went through the something similar with someone else where the commitment to the relationship became to much for him to cope with and they split up. I want to work through it so that our relationship can beat it I want to be with him and he is working really hard trying to fight the constant feelings of feeling the way he does so we can be together but I feel we are going backwards and I don't know how to help or what to do next. Sorry it is a bit of a ramble but any advise would be greatly appreciated thanks

Boyfriend recently started Antidepressants

replies: 5

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum, and just hoping there's maybe someone out there going through a similar thing or who has gone through it, who could maybe shed some light for me...feeling so desperate My boyfriend (he's 32, I'm 31), who I've only been seeing since January, so it's a new relationship, is depressed. He has been for years, but never went onto any medication or sought professional help, untill recently. He was suffering terribly insomnia, which drove him to seek help. They first put him onto an antidepressant which worked really well in the beginning, untill they increased the dose. It made him crave alcohol in excessive amounts, which he'd never wanted before, he's not a big drinker. They lowered the dose back to the original one, but it just kept geting worse, so they changed his meds to another one. He's been on that now, but he is still in a bad way. It's as though he has no filter, he just wants to be destructive, drink, has thought of doing drugs (!!!), and the worst part is, he says he feels completely disconnected from me, and entirely uninterested in love. He is only happy when he is by himself, and he feels more and more that being alone and destructive is how he actually WANTS to be. Every now and then he sees reason and realises that this can't be right, but then he slips back again. I have begged him to so speak to his psychiatrist, as he is clearly on the wrong medication, and I just know that the right medication will sort him out again.I don't know what to do anymore. I love him very much, and I will support him throughout it all like I always have, but I'm really hurting. He doesn't want to see me, because he says being around me just reminds him how much he has changed into a distant person and it makes him feel worse. He isn't affectionate in his texts anymore, and I am just terrified that I'm losing him. He says that it feels as though he's losing his mind. I know that he can't control what he's going through, and that the meds are affecting him, but I just feel so entirely helpless. I love him and I really don't want to lose him because of something like this, but it feels like he is slipping away from me, and I don't know what to do. Sorry for the rambling, just feeling utterly defeated. Would appreciate any feedback, thank you all in advance xx

help with my husband and I care for special needs child

replies: 9

My husband has pulled away thinks are bad at work no security hard to get a full time job,flys in flys out has work and money issues I stay and care for our autistic child things were ok of late but he says that he loves me but doesn't have it in him to try anymore.I know he is depressed and we am sure he has aspergers a small bit,gets very aloof, doesn't like to be touch sees things different-he cant quit work he has lost appetitde all things how do I help? I have begged that I am here I have fallen apart telling him I will do anything to help don't feel ashamed needs see someone but he doesn't now,doesnt now what makes him happy,doesnt now what he wants do,doesnt now about us,wouldnt leave still lives here helps like having a room mate but hard is it the depression or me do I back off always said everything was my way only my opinon mattered and yes I agree I havent listened but I don't want give up how do I help him and approach subject without him cutting me off

How to respond to depressed texts

replies: 4

Hi, I'm a newbie here. I'll try to make long story short, my sister-in-law (she's 32) has been diagnosed with depression. She has troubled childhood (verbally abusive, divorced parents) and 2 major events have happened in her life recently that she can't seem to deal. 1. Trouble at work. She can't seem to keep jobs (she said she "can't concentrate" and therefore can't get any jobs done) and recently just quits again due to personal conflicts with her bosses. (They told her she's "weird"). 2. Her long-term boyfriend broke up with her. However, she's still in denial of this and is trying to win him back.. Even though he hardly ever answers her calls/texts anymore. She doesn't want to accept the fact and therefore can't move on. She lives in another country so her primary form of communication with my husband is usually via instant text messages. I'm posting here because I really want to help my husband deal with her depressed texts. Almost every day, she would text him things like "No one loves me", "I'm so alone", "Nothing good in my life", or "I'm worthless". He understands that it's her depression talking.. But no matter how supportive he tries to be, her answer is always "you don't understand". It's very frustrating and I'm not sure what else he can do to help her? I don't want my husband to get depressed, too!

setting boundaries for depressed teenager

replies: 2

I have a teenager who exhibits some classic symptoms of depression, particularly lack of daily routine, lots of watching tv on a laptop and something or another on a smart-phone, all while secluded in the bedroom. I suspect I need to impose some limits, like no computer in bedroom after a certain time. But I don't want to alienate my teenager. How should a parent negotiate this difficult boundary setting issue?

He pushes us away - how do I help?

replies: 12

My partner lost his 13 year old daughter to suicide 5 months ago. This has been a heartbreaking time for our family but of course hardest for him. I have a 14 year old daughter that lives with us. A couple of months ago we moved back home to qld from Wa for him to start a great new job. We started the year in a positive frame of mind as he had a new job and we were back close to family. Since then his grief is just getting too much for him to handle. He has moved out of our house as he says he needs space to 'deal with things' and also being around my daughter (who he is very close to and loves lots) is just too hard at the moment. Although I wasn't happy for him to be living somewhere else, I was willing to give it a try because anything that helps is worth a go right? Since then he has become more distant and keeps telling me that we are better off without him. I keep assuring him that we love him so much and will always be by his side to support him. I believe he was suffering depression before this happened ( he has dealt with lots in his past included abuse) He is now in such a bad space that he believes its never going to get better. He has a history of depression in his family and thinks that he is always just going to feel like this. He is yet to see a doctor or counsellor but has made an appointment for next week. I meant it when I told him I would never give up on him and support him through this. The hardest thing is knowing how to support him when he is pushing me away. What can I do to help him? If I bring up seeing a doctor to discuss possible treatments he gets annoyed at me and says he 'will sort it out'. Any advice would be great. thanks SIMILAR THREADS Pushing friends and loved ones away I have pushed my husband away Husband depressed says he wants to leave advice please! Loving someone with depression when you're not sure they love you I pushed my husband away If you love someone with depression, you need to watch this

partner with anxiety, panic attacks, depression. just need someone to talk to.

replies: 6

Hi there, My husband and I have been together for almost 12yrs. Our first date we ended up parked outside a hospital with him ready to go and admit himself after having panic attacks and since then he's declined in health so much that he hasn't left our home in almost 8yrs and can't be left alone as even that causes an anxiety attack. he suffers badly from depression as well, and although we've surprisingly coped well with the cards we've been dealt over the years, now that he can't be left alone in really struggling. Before this I could atleast go to work, which was my outlet, but now I'm having to take days off work to look after hubby. He can't work, so I'm the only income earner. We have three children together as well. I'm struggling to keep my job, between days off with hubby, kids getting sick and drs apptmts there is no spare time. We don't have family to help - I come from abusive parents and his have their own medical issues. Hubbys health has only declined over the years, never improving. We speak often about this whole situation and I know the only thing keeping him here is his children. We've tried everything. .. medications caused seizures and now he's scared to try them again. Tried naturopathy, hypnotherapy, psychologists.... nothing has helped and now he can't leave the house it's harder to find help. Just need somewhere to talk because no one else understands. Thanks.

Worried and concerned mum

replies: 4

My daughter is 22 and is currently studying at university. She has lost all motivation to go to classes lately and this is not the first time this has happened. We try to talk to her but she will not talk about it. She has drifted in and out of different courses since leaving school, she starts off well and seems happy but soon loses the motivation and does not finish. Her dad and I are so worried about her and just don't know what to follow. She has tried applying for part time work but has not had any luck. What should we do. thanks

When is the best time to approach someone who is obviously struggling?

replies: 1

Hi, thank you for allowing me to be on your forum My 23 yo son has some form of depression, I believe. He has episodes of feeling like he doesn't want to talk to anyone or do anything and has currently been in bed for the last 3 days. Just before these episodes, which he's had for years, he's really happy and "normal". He has just come back home to live with me after losing his job and not being able to support himself. He can't keep a job and just walks away from others. When you ask what happened the standard answer is "I don't know" or give a really convoluted answer that makes no sense. I went into his room the other day and asked if he was alright, that was when he told me that he didn't want to talk to anyone or go anywhere. His friends were trying to contact him, via facebook, his mobile, his brother and lastly the home phone - he wouldn't talk to any of them. I told him, gently, that being in bed and doing what he is currently doing is not good for him and did he think he needed to see someone, GP etc He told me that would never happen. I told him if he needed anything to let me know. My question is - Am I better to approach him when is is back on a high or happy? My thought, and my husband's thought, is that he would be in a better or more rational frame of mind. Cheers

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Advice for daughter replies: 2

Boyfriend battling depression we just keep going backwards, what do I do? Please help replies: 7

Boyfriend recently started Antidepressants replies: 5

help with my husband and I care for special needs child replies: 9

How to respond to depressed texts replies: 4

setting boundaries for depressed teenager replies: 2

He pushes us away - how do I help? replies: 12

partner with anxiety, panic attacks, depression. just need someone to talk to. replies: 6

Worried and concerned mum replies: 4

When is the best time to approach someone who is obviously struggling? replies: 1