"I seem to be so far down the list..."

[LML]

Even tho the last year has almost solely been spent on diagnosing & getting DH to  treatment I'm still listening to repeated (important) statements that i'm not sure how to address.

From him...

How do i know what you really want

I seem to be so far down that list. Where is the space between sewing, quilting, swimming etc There is no space

While I have undoubtedly filled spaces where he was napping morning , afternoon & night, I need to keep myself fit & healthy, my craft work is pleasurable,productive & protects me from depression & brain rot as it's applied maths. i understand he doesn't have such pleasures at the moment,however my pleasures don't take away from his.

PS hes still not back home or making any attempts to do so, hes also stopped couples therapy but is seeing a psychiatrist at least monthly & is re-trying mood stabilizers with a slower increase in dose.

Thanks for your help in advance

[JessF]

Have you thought about making a date night once a week?

[White_Rose]

Dear LML

I find myself a little confused by your post.  Can you answer a few questions for me and perhaps I can offer some assistance.

Is DH your depressed husband? How long has he been depressed? Are you asking him what he wants or is he asking you? I understand you engage in craft work when your husband is asleep or out of the house, so why is this a problem?

I also gather you have been having some relationship difficulties and have been attending some marriage counselling. How has it been going? Do you feel it has had any impact on your relationship?

I'm sorry that all I seem to have done is ask questions but it's difficult to respond in a more focussed way without knowing your situation to some extent. However, do not feel you need to explain anything you do not want to.

Regards

Mary

[LML]

Thank you both.

We have not been in counselling since January when he stormed out for the fourth time. So no dates either

he was diagnosed severely depressed in July - put on a particular antidepressant by GP & proceeded to "fly", hes now under a psychiatrist & has tried another medication and a dose increase in a week "nearly killed him" so this time hes trying an increase over 3 weeks. I can hear him coming "down again".

Yes I do craft work in the evenings & when he is not around, I have said if he wants 100% attention when he walks in that's fine. I go out to quilt once a fortnight from 6-9 too. I exercise 3-4 times a week but that's usually before he came home & only  on weekends if he said we had nothing planned.

In a nutshell with the counselling, everything he has asked for I have done or demonstrated within 24/24 & nothing I have asked for has happened. We agreed before Xmas we would step it up & aim to get us back under the same roof. He was happy about that.

thanks again

[geoff]

dear LML, thanks for your post, and from what I can gather it means that you don't live together ' he's still not back home or making any attempts to do so', ' & aim to get us back under the same roof' but then it seems as though you maybe over at his place as ' I have undoubtedly filled spaces where he was napping morning , afternoon & night', so I am a bit unclear of the situation, a part from this I can work out the situation.

Am I correct when you say it 'nearly killed him, and does this mean that he tried to end his life.

While you were typing your last reply he was actually ' I can hear him coming "down again", obviously coming from the kitchen or bedroom and perhaps you didn't want him to see you on the pc.

It seems as though you are doing everything that he wants, but is doing nothing to help or please you, am I right, as I'm just trying to make it clear in my mind.

Look forward to hearing back from you. Geoff.

[LML]

Hi

I asked him to leave for a weekend when I found out he was involved with a work colleague last year, he told myself & therapist he can't cope with coming back until he got his business back on track & then couldn't come back due to the routine of a sleep disorder

His napping was prior to that.

He was talking about the increased drug dose when "it nearly killed him".

I can hear in his speech & moods that his mood is coming down from his "flying" state he was in when only on antidepressant alone.

Yes despite giving lots of space & time its all words & no demonstration of keeping us together.

thanks Geoff

[LML]

If someone is diagnosed with a cyclic mood disorder, treated & diagnosed after possibly 30 year of being ill. Do they actually feel better or feel worse?

Is the acceptance of the illness a relief to know after all that time or a total shock?

[geoff]

dear LML, thanks for getting back to us as your situation is becoming clearer so thanks for that.

To answer your next question I have no answer I can offer, so hopefully someone else can answer this for you. Geoff.

[Neil_1]

Hi there LML

I’m only able to answer this obviously on a personal level, but if this was to happen to me, I would find it a massive HUGE relief.  

I wouldn’t consider it a shock, as I would have known for so long that there was something that wasn’t “quite right” and so then to be actually diagnosed with ‘something’;  to have had it found, I would find to be brilliant. 

And THEN to be commencing on treating it as well, even though I still am suffering from this particular ‘thing’, I would be feeling better because I can now put a name to it.

But hey, that’s just me.

Not sure if this is of help or not, but just thought I’d give you my answer to your questions.

Kind regards

Neil

[JessF]

LML said:

Hi

I asked him to leave for a weekend when I found out he was involved with a work colleague last year, 

Could this be the elephant in the room? Perhaps this is nothing to do with his illness, and more because he does not want to be in this relationship.  Sorry to sound negative, but sometimes the answers aren't complicated.