Won't let me reply...Cat and John

[LisaT]

Hi Cat and John,

for some unknown reason every time I try to reply it's coming up with system error so I've had to start a new thread am hoping you both read this.

Cat I would love to chat as caring for my daughter who has mental health issues can be so isolating. I feel that other people not going through it just don't get it. The fear of something happening to my daughter can at times be overwhelming.

John you sound like a good Dad. I am a sole parent and wish my daughters dad would take a more active role in caring for our daughter. He lives 10hrs away so her care falls on my shoulders. Taking her to her appointments, supporting her, dealing with teen angst all falls on to me. I wish there was someone who could share the load. Half the stress and worry or just a shoulder to lean on. My daughter has gone to her Dad's for a week over the Easter break which gives me a short break. This year my daughter started boarding school as last year I had a breakdown. I'm not sure how she will cope with her senior years but so far so good. The school is only 20mins up the road so I see her regularly. I am doing everything I can to support my daughter but I know that I too need support. 

[CrashCoyote]

Hi LisaT,

Thank you for your post. Sometimes there is a glitch in the matrix. Thank you for the compliment, which I appreciate. Like most parents though, I am just doing my best and in that sense we are as good a parent as the other. In a world where results are usually seen as the measure of achievement, we sometimes lose sight of the fact that we can ask no person to do more than there best. So if they are doing that, what more can we ask of them?

I hope your daughter enjoys boarding school. I'd like to hear how she progresses. When you aren't managing the stuff that is hard work, what do you like? I'm taking my missus to Floriade in Canberra later this year. I was a policeman for thirty years working in some pretty rough parts of Sydney, so it may seem strange that a guy that carried a gun for a living likes flowers, but I do. I also like the countryside and small towns. I love to cook. (I never had a partner that minded that!)

Please keep posting if you want a cyber shoulder to lean on, I will keep an eye out for your posts and always respond. You will find others here will, too. 

Kind regards, John.

[LisaT]

Hi John,

As a parent I guess we all try to do our best. I've tried sooo hard to keep my daughter safe but knowing that ultimately her safety is in her hands has been one of the hardest things I've had to accept. Part of the reason she's in boarding school is because she wants to finish yr 11 and 12. If it was up to me she would have left at the end of yr10. I'm worried that she won't cope with the stress. I've pointed out to her that she can still do what she wants but she just needs to go about it in a different way. She is adamant that she wants to complete yr12 so all I can do is support her decision and hope for the best. She is a bright girl who has emotional dysregulation...her reaction to situations that involve relationships with other people tend to be extreme. She is on an antidepressant which seems to help her a little. She stuffed around with her meds last year and stopped taking them, then without doctors supervision started to take them again without the gradual increase in dose. I don't know if this contributed to her OD attempt or not but I remember reading somewhere that this can happen. My 2 daughters have been my world for the past 14yrs so I haven't really developed any interests  of my own. I guess I've just been a Mum who now finds herself at a loose end. I don't have many friends and would like to find a support group.

[CrashCoyote]

Hi LisaT,

My last post didn't show up so I'll try to remember what I wrote.

Sometimes the hardest part of letting children make their own choices is doing it when you don't share their choice. I believe at her age, it is important to let her figure things out for herself but understand there is a lot at stake. I guess that, as parents, we always have to be ready to pick up the pieces if it turns pear shaped, but it may not come to that.

Many parents forego their own interests to focus on child raising, myself included. The good news is that it is never too late. Do you have interests like photography or painting? Would you be interested in volunteerism? If you do something you like in a group setting, the group will end up being a de facto support group for you.

I'd be keen to hear how you feel about that.

Kind regards, John.

[LisaT]

I've been thinking about joining some type of group but I'm not sure what. I work full time and take my daughter to her psych and psychologist appointments every 4 and 2 weeks at the moment. My daughter comes home on Saturdays so I stay home to supervise her as I don't trust her in relation to her own safety, even though she says that she is safe. I visit family and 2 friends to get me out of the house as being alone with my thoughts for extended amounts of time is not good for me as I am suffering from depression. I'm trying to make a life for myself but I still need to consider my daughters needs. If I don't nobody else will.

[CrashCoyote]

Hi LisaT,

Have you heard the term "mindfulness" before? Without going into to much psychology mumbo jumbo, my understanding is that it is just being in the moment of what you are doing. In my case, I like to go to my garage and clean tools or tidy up out of order things or make small projects. Giving a power mower a detail doesn't sound like much but it means I get to spend time away from the things that worry me. Some people sew, or garden, or paint. You understand.

I was wondering if you could do something like that with your daughter sometimes. Maybe set up some easels and share a couple of hours painting. You may find she bonds more with you or opens up spontaneously at such times. I don't really know, I'm just guessing. I am trying to think what might help you as it is her treating doctor's job to figure out what helps her, although I suppose asking about such activities and their impact can't hurt.

This site is anonymous so I am limited in the support I can give you, but maybe if you just want to talk about something, anything, we can discuss our views on this open forum. I like to think I am reasonably articulate, well educated and travelled. I am always happy to play devil's advocate on any issue or hypothetical. It may not interest you, it is just a thought.

I hope you have a good night.

Kind regards, John.

[LisaT]

Thankyou John I would love to have you as a chat buddy. I'm feeling proud of myself today. I consciously made the decision to not be alone with my thoughts too much today so I made myself visit family. Due to all the issues with my daughter I've been battling depression. I find that if I'm alone to long my mind tends to seek out dark morbid thoughts so im learning ways to distract myself. Joining this site is one of them.

wishing you a happy easter

Lisa

[CrashCoyote]

Hi LisaT,

Yes, happy Easter to you and yours. I guess in some ways you'd love for your daughter to tackle a huge chocolate egg!

I am happy to be your chat buddy. What would you like to joust about?

Today I am cooking a big batch of pea and ham soup. I like to freeze it up for winter into meal size batches. I'm also cooking a roast chicken stuffed with apple and bacon for dinner. I like to cook. I have the house to myself so I can turn up some 80's music and get to it.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Kind regards, John.

[CrashCoyote]

Hi LisaT,

I was just wondering how you are going?

Kind regards, John.

[Chris_B]

Hi Lisa,

Sorry I have only just picked up this post. If you are still experiencing this problem we would appreciate you replying to us with a bit more information about what is happening.  Ideally, we need:

1.         A link to the thread you are trying to reply in 

2.         A screenshot of the error message

3.         Your browser version and operating system

4.         Your device type: are you using a laptop or desktop machine, or a mobile device such as a tablet or phone?

5.           Internet connection: wireless or 3G?