Torn

[syvio]

My husband has suffered with depression to varying degrees for years. Since moving to Australia a few years ago, I have stayed home with the children. My husband is very hard working but has limited input with our kids and the household. He has just agreed to get treatment which is an extremely positive step and I am very happy that he is doing this.

I have the opportunity to go back to work but the role is as a first responder and this would require my husband to take a primary care role with the kids. I would have to work shift work I am extremely concerned about how this will affect him and the children. I have tried for over a year to get this position and really want it for myself. However, my children have to be my primary concern. Am I being selfish to go for this? Is it unfair and unrealistic to expect my husband to cope with this extra pressure? As immigrants, we have no family to help out with childcare. My children are extremely distressed at the prospect of me going to work and my husband has said he would prefer I stay home.

Can therapy make a big difference and is it a possibility that my husband might be better able to cope? Am I best to forget about the job and look after my family? I would really appreciate some advice.

[Pixie15]

Hi syvio,

I think you are probably the only one who can really evaluate your situation. These are some of the questions which popped up for me as I read your post.

If your partner is going to take a primary care role does that mean he is not currently working?

How many children do you have and how old are they?

Do you have reason to fear that your husband may harm himself or your children?

Why are your children concerned about you going back to work? Are they worried about being left with their father?

Would it be feasible for you to employ a child carer at least some of the time?

Sorry I cannot help with answers. Maybe someone else would have a better idea. 

thanks.

Pixie.

[PurpleShade]

It's always a hard decision to make.

The thing that stands out to me in your post is your comment mentioning the distress your children are feeling about you working.  If the kids are not calm and at peace with this choice then it will be hard for your husband as he will not only be juggling his own depression but the angst the kids will be feeling.  This is a tricky combination.  I'd certainly be ensuring the household has a certain peace about the choice before embarking on a commitment

Its not easy to choose the right time to return to work but from your post it sounds like the planets aren't quite aligned right yet.