Supporting a husband with depression

[PM]

Hi there

I have been married now for 7.5yrs to a beautiful, caring and loving man.  He is hard working who has a heart of gold and would do anything he can to help out anyone.

We were always inceprable, doing things together, going away on mini trips, visiting friends and family, we were never home - I felt that life couldn't be better..

However, over the last 3 years, after failing to conceive a child and my husband going through the closure of his family business, breaking his leg then being hospitalised for a month with infection, he fell into a deep depression.  He basically has been on the couch for months and closed himself off to the rest of the world.  The once social outgoing person has become a recluse and unable to function.

It's ironic really that I am a psychology educator and that I feel I cannot help my husband or pull him out of this with all that I know and I hate myself for it. I managed to get him to his GP and on a mental health plan, he is taking anti depressants and started to see a psychologist however it has been a long and slow process.I am finding it to be increasingly difficult.  Im beginning to feel helpless myself and I am starting to get anxiety and have most recently started not sleeping at night from all the stress.  

We have gone from living a very comfortable life to be lumped with unpaid bills, massive financial strain from the previous business and I feel that it is up to me to get us out as I am the only one working. He has every intention to get up off the couch and help but he can't.  With a mortgage, late fines, daily bills I'm finding it difficult to cope and starting to resent him every time I come home from work and see him lumped on the couch even tho I know he can't help it!! I'm so run down and I'm not coping.

Any advise would be appreciated x

[Pixie15]

Hi PM,

Welcome to the beyondblue forums. You will find many threads in the supporting family and friends that touch on similar issues. Also if you have a look in the resources section of this site there is a booklet produced for family and friends who have a caring role. 

It sounds like you are doing what is necessary by getting him to the doctors and to therapy. It will take time for both of these things to help. I am not sure that leaving him to be on the couch is a good idea. Can you try and get him to do at least one thing that gets him moving and out of the house each day?

My husband suffers depression although it was only diagnosed a few years back. Looking back I can see that when our first family business failed he was depressed. I could not get him to go job searching. He started operating the business on a smaller scale from home and this at least got him doing something and eventually it grew enough to move it out of the house again.

It is understandable that you may be feeling some resentment. It can be frustrating being left to carry the weight of responsibility. Try and get your partner to do what he can for himself. But if you want to keep your life together you will need to do what is necessary on a daily basis. Try and remind yourself that your partner will not be depressed forever it is important for both of you that you have hope.

In the meantime look after yourself. Take some time daily if possible to pamper yourself. Go out and do some of the things you enjoy without him if necessary. And the best advice I ever had was don't feel guilty about enjoying yourself.

Thanks,

Pixie.

[PM]

Thanks so much for your reply Pixie.. I have to take it a day at time and as you say live in hope that it will not be like this forever.

 X