Help needed

[Unsure77]

Hi

i recently walked out on my bi polar fiancé as it got abusive and nasty. I wish I had read Tony's post about the cuppa before doing so, I'm not a confrontational person at all, the is sure I cheated on her which I didn't as she contacted the person and was told the same thing, but still didn't believe either us. She told me she loved me and things would change every time I went back but never did. The last time I went back she hit me again so I walked. It's been nearly three weeks now I haven't heard from her. Her family hate me as they all think I cheated on her, she has told them I am a compulsive liar. I love and miss her so much.

have I made the right decision by leaving, not that I think I will ever see or hear from her again. She is all I have thought about since I left.

[Guest9337]

Evning U77.

Yep, that does sound stressful. ru meaning. SHE's daughter sent you sms stating "mum doesn't have long left and you can't be with her, because you won't agree to our conditions."?

because I'm just thinking outside the box here...

If SHE really is on her death bed then we have a new position on the bargaining table...

which is, SHE is going to die sometime, how long does U77 have to talk with her?

So U77 might follow up on that question, because if SHE is forecasted to die in say 7 days due to ill health, then you may be able to waive discussions with parents and kids for 8 days just so you can comfort She over her dying days. That'd be a nice thing to do for a person in pallative care for example.

So find out how long she has left to live and make your new position known to She.

She is asking the ultimate question. If I am dying will you come to me?

So you ask yourself that question and ask yourself how long you will believe her position about her lifespan.

When I got the msg my grandfather was in pallative care, I was lucky enough to be home with plenty of spare time, so I jumped into the car and drove to see him within the hour. For last requests we might do much - and that is a known tactic, the last request of a dying person.

And if She isn't really dying soon, then it is a manipulative act of fraud, report it to police!

The manipulation of course being, I'm dying, come and do everything I say please!

[Unsure77]

You've hit the nail on the head here 2 talk it was exactly like that.

[Guest9337]

Hey U77, u just cracked the century mark on number of posts, the big 100! The crowd goes wild...

[Unsure77]

Yes the daughter sent me that message, from what I understand a max of 5 months but it's only what my ex fiancé said to me a couple days ago. the thing is I don't know what to believe.

[Unsure77]

The other thing is dng if I do go back will the DV start again

[Guest9337]

Hi Unsure77. I am sorry I have to say this my friend. In my opinion based upon what I've read from u77 so far...

The DV hasn't stopped at all! The DV is happening to you right now, during those sms's.

Emotional manipulation is an act of DV even over sms/phone.

So U77, if you go back the DV is likely to continue or even become more pronounced and persistent.

I am sad for U77. Kind regards, and love dng.

[Unsure77]

She rang this morning sounded terrible could barley talk or breath. She the other day she said th dv was because I drove her into a depression that low she didn't know what she was doing

[Unsure77]

She was reacting to my actions

[Guest9337]

Morning U77.

How ya going today mate?

There are some interesting resources on 1800Respect around DV that could be useful in your situation.

She may well have been depressed when saying somethings to you U77, that doesn't change your position on your important stuff though.

kind regards, dng.

[Guest9337]

Unsure77 said:She rang this morning sounded terrible could barley talk or breath. She the other day she said th dv was because I drove her into a depression that low she didn't know what she was doing

Hi U77. Ok, she sounds not good. I do note that you haven't shared with me, that I can recall, any indication that She accepts responsibility for Her own actions/inactions in part nor in whole.

 Maybe this is the way u2 relationship has been and she's just continuing on with that? Maybe it is unawareness of her own doings or lack of doings?

Really makes it tough on you... but I'll take those ideas onboard -which leads me to think of compartmentalization. She doesn't need to know ur talking with parents/kids. If that knowledge is upsetting her, and her brain chemistry isn't permitting her to think/feel reasonably and fair, then I suppose the appropriate response is to not disclose your contacts with parents/kids.

Unfortunately it will be very difficult to live like that I am Sure u are aware!

another option is to become even harder, restating your positions in your negotiations.