How to support boyfriend with drug addiction??

[jmp2121]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 1 year now. He is amazing to me and we are both generally very happy in love. When I first met him I knew he would often use marijuana and I was fine with it. It wasn’t until later in the relationship that I learnt he has an addiction and he openly told me as well. We have spoken about it often and I do my best to support him when I know he struggles. He will smoke marijuana every day after work and every weekend when he has it, and it’s usually 24/7 that there is marijuana in the house as he lives with a roommate who also smokes it, so 97% of the time he is high.

It’s not that the marijuana comes between us or our relationship, that’s not the case and he is still able to do things with me and go out with me without using it.

Tonight we had a talk about how he is feeling like he needs to work on himself and his addiction. He has said to me that he uses marijuana because the drug is better than life and it gives him a feeling that is better than any other whilst it lasts and has thoughts of spending all of his money on drugs but knows the consequences that would come along with this, yet still has the urge to do it.

I am finding it really hard right now as I have a lot of fears for our relationship and the future of it. I wish I could make him feel as happy as drugs can. I expressed to him my fear that he might choose drugs over me eventually. He ended up saying that he would be lying if he said to me he 100% wouldn’t choose drugs over me because he doesn’t know. This made me feel really upset because I obviously don’t want him to choose drugs over me and I don’t want to get to the future and become heart broken because he chooses them over me. I don’t want to leave the relationship because I love him so much and I know he does love me.

He has said that there isn’t anything I can really do to help apart from supporting him which I already do. He has acknowledged that he has a problem and is trying to work on it. I just don’t know if there is anything else I can do to help him? I’ve never dealt with this situation before and I’m really overwhelmed.

[james1]

Hi jmp2121,

Welcome to the forums, and thank you for your post. I understand you feel so upset and overwhelmed at the moment from the uncertainty over how your boyfriend is feeling about you and a possible future together.

From what I understand, addictions range in severity and certainly can become significant problems in relationships. This is both in terms of the person who is addicted being unable to choose life with a partner, and with that partner becoming fed up over time. So while I understand you really want to stay in this relationship right now because you love each other, it may be helpful to remember that it may not be enough in the long run if he chooses the drugs over you, as he has said he might.

From what you've said, it sounds like he is trying to work on it and you want to help support him. Have you two discussed what that support would be, and what your expectations are? Since he's trying to take responsibility for his own addiction, it might be a good opportunity for you to both set boundaries about his drug usage, so he understands what your limits are.

James

[Petal22]

Hi jmp2121,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry to hear of your boyfriends drug addiction, addiction is horrible for the addict and for the people close to them……

It must come a time that the addict acknowledges their addiction and makes a choice wether they want to stop or not stop………. If they do want to stop they need to seek help…. The first place to start would be at their gp……

If they don’t want to stop it’s a really hard thing for their loved ones to watch……. Drug addiction is terrible….. it can lead to really bad paths for the user…….

You can only try to ask him to seek help…..he needs to try to face life without drugs…….

Wishing you the best

im here to chat

[geoff]

Hello Jmp, and welcome to the site.

You have told us you love him as he does with you, the trouble is he is smoking marijuana supposedly after work and the weekends, but you don't know whether he is doing it while working if he has the chance and can get away with it, however, that's not the issue here, the problem is he smokes whenever he can, so this is basically making him happy.

Can I ask you, and please only answer this if you want to, has any outing needed to be ended shortly because he needs a smoke so you have to go home, or does he go to the loo many times more than usual, I'm sorry these are difficult questions and by no means do I want to upset you, so please take your time, then we can get back to you.

Take care.

Geoff.