Help needed

[Unsure77]

Hi

i recently walked out on my bi polar fiancé as it got abusive and nasty. I wish I had read Tony's post about the cuppa before doing so, I'm not a confrontational person at all, the is sure I cheated on her which I didn't as she contacted the person and was told the same thing, but still didn't believe either us. She told me she loved me and things would change every time I went back but never did. The last time I went back she hit me again so I walked. It's been nearly three weeks now I haven't heard from her. Her family hate me as they all think I cheated on her, she has told them I am a compulsive liar. I love and miss her so much.

have I made the right decision by leaving, not that I think I will ever see or hear from her again. She is all I have thought about since I left.

[Guest9337]

U77.

Well if you feel the need to test the veracity of "daughter" vs "She", then ask to visit the hospital.

If they deny that, you have some information.

If they give that info you can remove potential of daughter in discussion by going to hospital for a friendly visit and reaffirming positions with She.

Maybe something like, Hi SHE, I have 400 sms's from your daughter, and I am really worried about you. Can I come to the hospital for a visit, I have some nice flowers/gift to brighten your room. love U77.

or... I have lots to talk about, can I come for visit to hospital?

or We have lots to discuss, do you want a chat over the phone tonight/today_sometime?

In a negotiation, presenting as someone else is a known tactic. It gives a person the ability to say things without owning the things they say, for they have plausible deniability.

So any and all positions that seem to come from daughter may likely be She's testing your positions.

Do you follow? from our military perspective, it is akin to spoofing the radar with chaff and decoys.

Sun Tzu, describes it as, seeming far away but actually being very close.

[Unsure77]

At first I was allowed to go to the hospital but then not allowed. I asked for a photo of her in hospital in case anything happened before I could get there because she was given just hours. I was told don't don't you believe and that is distasteful, I won't do that.

[Guest9337]

Yeh, it is a bit distasteful to ask for a hospital photo. I'd agree with that.

Time for some information gathering techniques then...

You can however phone up various local hospitals on behalf of a loved one and ask what ward is She in, and what are the visiting times of the Ward. So you could gather some info through online research on possible hospitals She might be at, see their published visiting times then ask...

Maybe > You can also ask HER, what are the visiting times at your hospital?

If she doesn't know and says she doesn't know, cool that's helping her tell truth.

If she attempts to deceive, you have possible true answers readily at hand.

If she is truthful, you have surety about it yourself.

So we try to cut through all the chaff sms messages... please can you provide anonymous retelling of some of those sms's please.

What seems to be the single most important thing implied or actually written?

What's the second most important thing?

and finally... What thing is repeated the most?

dng.

[Unsure77]

What's repeated the most is about my parents my lies and me not putting her first by wanting to see my parents. Yes asking for a photo was distasteful. I know what hospital she in but with her past circumstances no information is given out. From what I have been led to believe all 400 messages are from the daughter. I have said to the daughter that this really is seething your mum and i should be discussing. I was told she will never see these messages leave her alone move on or give her 100% first before seeing any family or friends until she was ready.

[Guest9337]

Yo, u77.

repeated most is my parents are liars?

repeated most is U77 is liar? u77 not putting She first.

U know her hospital location.

led to believe 400 sms from daughter. already mentioned to daughter don't do this discussion.

told by daughter, She will never see these sms, move on OR give 100% support, ignore friends/family until She ready.

*************

That all looks very much like the positions presented by She already. So we take it all on board, no worries!

She + She's daughter have same position together. Ok that's great news for YOU! because now you know She has support from family which makes you able to be less responsible for supporting She.

All your old positions remain exactly the same, only now She has weakened her position by acknowledging She has support from daughter.

Essentially the daughter has weakened She's position, in my opinion.

Does that make sense?

dng

[Unsure77]

Hey dng

i think I may have confused you a bit on the last post as she apparently been has only just woken and come too late this afternoon when I said I wanted to be able to see my family and friends and it be a two way street not one way. I understand it will take time to mend and build the trust again I just wanted the reassurance I could see these people.

Im that confused and upset by all this I feel I'm talking In riddles to you.

[Guest9337]

Hi u77. You could sms those messages to your own email account, that'll turn it all into text and then u can cut n paste here. somethink like that.

dng.

[Here2Talk]

Hi unsure. It’s a little confusing trying to follow you two, but you seem to get what each other are saying lol. I know you probably don’t really care much for my two cents here and there, but I understood that you actually wanted to ring David and Goliath. I think the confidentiality requirements of this online platform would prevent you from doing that...

It seems very difficult for you at the moment, it seems like your ex fiancée is not only disordered in her mood but maybe like I said some personality problems as well... this would explain the not taking meds a lot and distrust of like everything you say and taking issue at every little thing....

From what I understand personality disorders are thought to usually stem from very unpredictable childhood environments where needs have been that badly not met that it results in the problems that you have been subjected to....

to make things worse, her daughter seems to have some of the same stuff (to make a really big guess based on what you’ve said)....

[Guest9337]

Hi U77! Just letting u know I c what ur saying. dng.

[Unsure77]

To add more stress to this dng one of them messaged saying you know mum didn't have long left and you couldn't be with her, I was a scum bag and my dad has just had a heart attack tonight 3 hrs ago