Hi,
I’m part of a long distant friend group
Recently, I noticed ongoing issues with communication and emotional support. Sometimes people don’t show when they’re upset, and it’s hard to know how to respond.
I sent a message to the group, expressing my concerns about communication and emotional support. My intention was never to blame anyone or attack them, but to encourage everyone to notice when someone is struggling and to respond in a caring way. I also clarified privately with some friends about ways they could help support each other better.
One friend reacted very angrily, feeling that I was blaming another friend for not doing enough to support the group. The conversation became hostile, and I was told not to respond anymore and was then blocked.
Meanwhile, another friend shared that they have felt hurt and ignored multiple times in the past, which has made it hard for them to express their feelings. They described a situation where they had shared something from their culture and felt belittled, which caused them to withdraw. They acknowledged that they sometimes struggle to reach out but emphasized it’s not because they don’t care—they just have a history of feeling unwanted.
Another friend responded thoughtfully, explaining that they hadn’t intended to hurt anyone either and that their reaction had been influenced by past trauma. They expressed a desire to resolve problems as they arise, rather than letting feelings build up into conflict.
The friend who originally felt hurt then clarified that they often freeze up or second-guess themselves because of past experiences and fears of upsetting others. They emphasized that they care deeply about the group and don’t want to lose anyone, and expressed a desire to find better ways to communicate—either one-on-one or with a mediator if needed.
The goal was to ensure everyone feels safe and heard. I want group members to express their feelings without fear of judgment or causing conflict. I feel conflicted because my attempt to improve communication caused significant pain and tension.
I’m looking for guidance on whether:
1. I was wrong to bring up these concerns in the way I did.
2. There’s a better way to navigate communication and emotional support in a close friend group, especially when mental health challenges are involved
3. I can repair trust and ensure everyone feels safe without anyone feeling blamed.
Thanks in advance for any advice or perspective.
