Advice on depressed husband moving back in with us after 6 month separation.

[Redhuta]

Well I have had a roller coaster 6 months with my depressed husband leaving. I have got a long thread about this however I thought I would start this new one. I did move with my two daughters to a smaller place and he has been spending so much time with us over the last couple of months.We spoke the other night and he wants to come back however he is a bit anxious about things going wrong. I understand his anxiety does make him see things in a much more exaggerated manner in my opinion however I am not pushing him. I did tell him that if things were to go wrong we could simply seperate again? I feel like I dont want to pressure him or even sugar coat things however I am not sure how to support his anxiety. The kids will be ecstatic and he has done a lot of work with his psychologist and he is on a great does of medication. He seems like the old man I married however after 6 months I feel we need to get to know each other again romantically as there has been none of that over the separation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[quirkywords]

Red Huta,

thanks for clarifying issues and for your further update.

I can see that you can communicate with each other and you both listen even if the answers may be uncomfortable, The fact he is wanting to see the psychiatrist and go to couples therapy is really encouraging because many people are reluctant to reach out. You are also ready to listen and to express your feelings.

It is good that you are gaining more insights about his way of communication and the effect anxiety has on him and how he expresses himself.

As I have said before your posts help others and I find I am learning how even in a complex situation there are ways to find out more.
I think with counselling over time you will develop more skills and be able to use them outside therapy.
You are recognising more what is happening in your relationship and even if it is upsetting you are understanding the role anxiety and depression plays.

Thanks again for sharing .

[Redhuta]

Thanks Quirky Words. I really appreciate the insight. I cope so much better when I understand and try and see things through his perspective. One thing I did last year was a life coach course which has also helped me immensely. So many skills I use in my everyday life.

[quirkywords]

I know people have a life coach but did not know you could study a course.

I will look it up. My life changed after the fires so I will see if it may help as I need some skills.

Thank you Redhuta because you writing dies give people reality as well as hope and encouragement.

[Redhuta]

Those fires were devastating. Although I only saw the footage but having experienced that would have been life changing. Then COVID!
I think what I need to work on is dealing with situations that maybe I ignore. I need to for example find out why my husband had to confide with a woman he met 3 years ago. My issue is that when they did met it was when they were looking for a new partner. We were seperated however why engage after she checks in 6 months ago. I have decided to wait till he sees his psychiatrist as I am sure this will be discussed and I will have to have my questions answered. Although I may not want to hear the truth I really need to deal with this. He honestly does not feel there was anything wrong? I had two partnered in my past many years ago have affairs so it’s really a trigger. He knows that too.

[quirkywords]

Redhutta and others reading

Nit sure you visit the forums but on the odd chance you get a noficstion , I just wondered 2022 had been for and your family.