Hello Baileybasil, I'm sure many people do as what you've done with the emergency services, I know I have, as it seems better to be in our home rather than a hospital, however, there are times when this may need to happen for our own safety.
When a person is smack bang in the middle of depression, it's possible to have this feeling of why try and change because what difference will it make, but remember you can't suddenly be totally another person all at once, you have to edge yourself in doing something that's small, like now you can open the blinds, rather than keep them closed, and do you know even how small this is, it's a huge beginning for you.
Try and change your behaviour another way, something you haven't done before because whatever it is, it's not involved in this cycle you're suffering from, it's new to what usually happens and haven't experienced it before.
If this becomes too hard then pull back, tomorrow you might be able to continue, but do it slowly.
Overcoming this, isn't like flipping a coin, it's not that easy, but it can be done at your own pace.
Best wishes.
Geoff.
