Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm Section

replies: 0

Hi there, Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Life gets pretty hard sometimes, and many people here on the Forums have had times where they have thought about harming themselves or ending their life. This can be a deeply distressing experience, and this section is here to support members who have had these experiences. This section is not a crisis support service. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these Forums. Please call: Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 (24/7) Lifeline on 13 11 14 (24/7) If it is an emergency, contact emergency services on 000. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for support and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of the Forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. If after a period of time you no longer wish others to engage in the discussion you have started, please use the 'Report Post' button and request the discussion be locked to prevent any further replies. Thank you for being here, we're glad you're here. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. Beyond Blue

by BeyondBlue •

Community Manager•

Posted in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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2 weeks ago

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

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Intrusive thoughts

replies: 5

I've been getting intrusive thoughts randomly for a month or so. I haven't had a chance to talk about it with my psychologist but I have a session in a couple days. The thoughts usually are about hurting myself or ending my life. I know I'm safe but it can be really hard to get through the thoughts. Does anyone have any strategies to block/stop intrusive thoughts? Thanks, Bee

Parents Misunderstanding

replies: 3

Warning: Please do not read this if you get triggered by suicidal people. I don't intend any harm and I am only here to seek support. I don't know if I'm the only one feeling like some parents will never understand the pain we feel. I am feeling unstable and have communicated with them in an honest manner. I don't feel safe alone with the self-harm and suicidal thoughts. All they do is give me lectures or solutions to deal with my depression. I am hurt when my Mom tells me to snap out of it or that there are others with worse problems. I am trying so hard to stay strong and can barely hold it together. I'm so tired.

I don't know how I feel all I know is that I feel lost

replies: 8

I feel useless and like I am destined to be nothing. My older sister did HSC last year and was talking to me about how she cries in the shower sometimes and feels really upset and now one year after she still feels sad. I don't know who to tell or what to do (cause she says shes better now) I feel helpless . I have been feeling really upset for a while now and maybe 2 years ago found myself deep in self harm I have now stopped but still sometimes I feel too overwhelmed and fall into it again but not as bad . I get mood swings and get very anger and upset a lot. I dont do extra curricular actives and feel terrible about it, i feel like I am nothing that I'm not living but just existing . I feel like Ive wasted my life and others time. When I'm sad I think of everything that makes me upset and fall very deep into sadness. I feel like there is nothing that happened in my life to cause all this pain and I feel like I'm just doing it for attention and I "want" to feel sad and that I just self harm for "attention". I dont know why I feel like this but I do. My feelings have gotten a bit better but I still cry and then get angry at myself for crying or feel dumb for feeling this way when my sister is the one who actually needs help. i feel like i'm too young to feel like this. like i have to reason to be this way, that its all fake and that ive created this sad, depressed person that i live as sometimes

"let me clean my room"

replies: 3

Hi, I'm 22. Everyday I wake up feeling.. out of it, not in control, sad, my life is plain and simple and I find myself isolating myself in my room more and more, work is a drag and I can't get the courage to explore, I have this constant thought of everything would be easier if I just up and left. i've tried multiple times.. ending it, but never been successful.. when I'm alone I get the encouragement to do it, like today is the day, I'm gonna clean my room, and leave, but I have this fear, everything I've amounted to would be for nothing. my life would be just a bedroom, car and some photos, nothing more, and the fear id be forgotten haunts me, am I scared? am I wrong for not being in control of my own actions? I don't know.. I don't feel like I used to, since I was 15 I've been like this, never being able to overcome it. this feeling of unworthiness, emptiness and sadness. at this point I'm just rambling. I'm sorry. I just don't have anyone who'd listen properly. I just wanna leave.

Hi Everyone

replies: 6

Hello, and thank you for accepting me into this community. I have been experiencing low mood and passive suicidal thoughts for the past 4 years. They have varied in consistency and intensity over the period. Generally, when I am experiencing more stress and helplessness at work they get worse, and when I am able to complete my work efficiently and effectively it gets better, though even during those times I experience feelings of lethargy and wish that I could go to sleep forever and be at peace. Right now things are getting worse again and I find that I am dragging myself out of bed each morning, waking up only after an ever increasing amount of coffee, which is my little bit of enjoyment during these cold winter days. I then try to go for a short walk or jog before I start work as its another activity I enjoy. After work, I feel a sense of relief as the day is finally over and after eating dinner, I rest in bed feeling fatigued and hoping this endless cycle would just - end. Objectively speaking, I have a good job and great colleagues. My current role involves analysing current businesses processes in order to implement a new accounting system for the company. It is a great chance to learn a lot about the business and its processes, meet people as well as the opportunity to become a subject matter expert on the new system which will be used for many years to come. Other aspects of my life are good too, I might even say perfect. I have loving parents, who are still alive and care about me. I talk to them at least once a week and they message me daily with little bits of encouragement. I have been in a stable long term relationship for the past 9 years, and my girlfriend has stuck by me. We talk daily, though its more me listening to her as I am quite disengaged with life and dont have much to say, other than the fact that I am depressed, feel trapped but cant understand why. I dont have any children or other commitments in life. I do not experience any financial stress as I have a job and given my disengagement and disinterest with life, rarely feel anything is worth spending money on. I take pleasure in the small things in life, hot coffee on cold mornings, gentle winter sunshine on my skin, fresh air, long walks, clear blue skies. I dont drink or smoke. I am going to see my GP again to request professional help and am hoping that with some expert advice and medication, it will all work out. Thank you for reading and wish everyone a good day.

Seeing no future

replies: 2

Lost my full time job over six months ago, it’s taken me this long to finally realize that. Now the anxiety attacks have started. I’ve suffered from depression followed by panic attacks since childhood. I remember my first panic attack. I was 9 at the time and I still recall trying to kill myself, but even that lead to a worsening of the panic attack. Since then I have had periods of anxiety attacks over the years, which lead to depression at the age of 3, now I’m 55 and had depression ever since. At this present time I have been suffering from anxiety for 2 weeks, it has totally disabled me. The attacks started when I started working for a new employer, who systematically tried to rip me off, none of the conditions promised were delivered, no tools, no service car, no mobile phone and the laptop they gave me to do the on-site programming was broken. Yet they still expected me to do the service work. It really came to a head when at the end of the day the last job they sent me to hadn’t been confirmed with the client, the client wasn’t there, so my boss said to go home half an hour early. The next day I was informed that I now owned my employer an hour, I said how did that happened as I didn’t want to go early, you instructed me to, he said that doesn’t matter, it’s how they do things there. I then realized the type of company I signed up with. I left 2 days after that when the anxiety attacks started and I couldn’t concentrate on my work. Now the anxiety has gotten out of control and just the thought of applying for another job is making it worse. I don’t know what to do, I see no future, even the thought of ending my life leads to furthering my anxiety because I’m scared of how my wife and son would be affected by it. Will this end?

New here and depressed

replies: 32

Hi, don’t know how this will go. But here it is! Most of my 64 years of live I was trying finding out the source of pain, many of my peers and family and friends go through. I stood beside with help and encouragement and on many occasion things eased or disappeared. Now after a series of tragic events in the last two years I found my self in an increasingly deeper hole. The thing I would know to do I can not perform. And the things I don’t want to do I find myself caught in it’s claws. Unable to free myself from these accusation against myself and others. I lost all interests in all things. I don’t have a will to live anymore and find myself constantly devising plans to end my live and make it look like an accident. For what should my loved ones bare any of it.

Depression and Terminal Illness

replies: 6

Hi everyone, 38F here living in Brisbane. Im looking to connect with others around the same age for support and chat etc. I've always struggled with mental health (depression, anxiety and much more), but 5 years ago was diagnosed with the same disease that killed my dad, his mum and his brothers. If I let it go till the end I have about 15-20 years, but by then I'll be a vegetable so will seek suicide/self assisted in around 5-10 years depending. Recently been very depressed and thinking of suicide despite being on a cocktail of meds for support. Would really love to connect with those that can offer and support or friendship I believe in God. Thanks and peace to you all

Not wanting to exist

replies: 4

Hi I've had depression for a few years now and been taking meds for it for 2 years. Have had attempts of suicide before but this time it feels different. I'm not particularly feeling sad or miserable whenever I think of wanting to die I just genuinely think if I die nothing much will change, it's just the end of MY existance. I know people will be affected by it and I feel bad about it;that I can cause that much grief if I decide to off myself. But I just really think that I don't have a purpose or any ambitions, there's enough people in this earth already. So if I die I don't think much will change except for the people that knew me. I know these all sounds really monotone or that I'm having an existential crisis. Believe me I've had an ongoing crisis since I've been aware of my existance. I just wanna know if I'm the only one who thinks like this or if there's others out there who's had thoughts like this.

Depressed and suicidal

replies: 3

I’m 24, I’ve just lost my job, (I’m a Journalist, an honest non-biased one) thanks to someone I held very dear to me. My Uncle (and Aunt, his wife), has in these two weeks just past, literally ruined my career, my reputation and so on. My Uncle is accusing me of fraud, he is spreading lies about me, claiming I stole upwards of $10,000.00 off of my OWN GRANDMOTHER! I would NEVER do such a thing, myself and my Nan have an extremely close relationship, a close bond. My Nan loaned me $5,000.00 (which I have paid back) however for some unknown reason my Uncle is claiming I’m a criminal, that I’ve committed fraud and so on. Due to his allegations, his threats of involving police, and taking me to court over something that literally never happened.. I’ve lost everything, he called my place of work and trash talked me, causing me to lose my job. He’s spreading lies about me within the family ect. He has ruined my life, I don’t know what to do, or where to go from here, I no longer have anything to live for. I’ve never been so depressed, anxious, angry and suicidal like this before! For some reason that I do not know, when I was younger, I used to have extremely bad panic attacks, until two weeks ago, I hadn’t really had one for 10 years, now I’m having them everyday, for some reason my hands won’t stop shaking, I don’t feel myself anymore, I feel helpless, which isn’t me, I’m usually a rather relaxed, happy-go-lucky guy, I usually help my family and Girlfriend out when they have problems with depression/mental health in general, with everything and anything. I don’t know, my thoughts are all over the place, I can barely hold a conversation anymore as I have so much going on inside my head. I’m getting distracted easily, which is a trait I never had. I have nothing left at all, no job, no money, a Family that is talking about me 24/7. I don’t know. All I can think about is how easy it would be to end all of this, by ending me. My Uncle and Aunt clearly hate me, so maybe more of my family members do as well, I don’t know why. My uncle has made all this, personal, I don’t know what I’ve done to him for him to be this way with me, as we were close, can he not stand the fact that I was succeeding in life? I don’t know, all I do know, is that they want me gone from this Family (for whatever reason I don’t know) so I might as well take myself out. It’s easy, I know how to. God I hate myself.

Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm Section replies: 0

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

Intrusive thoughts replies: 5

Parents Misunderstanding replies: 3

I don't know how I feel all I know is that I feel lost replies: 8

"let me clean my room" replies: 3

Hi Everyone replies: 6

Seeing no future replies: 2

New here and depressed replies: 32

Depression and Terminal Illness replies: 6

Not wanting to exist replies: 4

Depressed and suicidal replies: 3