Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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i just dont know what to do.

replies: 3

its just been really hard lately and i need some advice. everyone is always leaving and picking other people over me. i just want one person to care, i need someone to care. but nobody does and i dont know what to do. these thoughts keep running through my mind and its scary, i dont want to live anymore. but im still scared to die. i feel like my parents just dont care, they have so much to deal with my everything else going on in their lives, and i dont want to burden them, so i havent said anything. the only friends i have left arent real friends, they dont care about me. they just use and betray me, and it hurts. so i just dont know what to do. ive been self-harming for a while because its the only way to take away pain from what im feeling. people always dismiss my feelings and no ones ever really cared, but idk, i feel like this is real. and its becoming too much. ive written letters to everyone i love and even the people who have made me feel this way. people say suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem, but this isnt going away and its been here for a while now. im just looking for someone to care, to give me advice because i just dont know what to do.

Wanting to die

replies: 3

Has anyone live with TTM. Always had Bad luck all ur life. Told ur ugly useless. And ur owe family tell you to go away they are busy! all you have is ur owe beep dark depressing thoughts, and laughing when u talk about suicide. That where I am!

Depressed

replies: 3

Cant shake the dark feeling any ideas that I could try?

Feeling blah

replies: 3

Hi everyone, Idk if this is the right place to post this but today, I just have the overwhelming want to just disappear. Not in a suicidal way - I have no urge to kill myself at all. But more in a “I don’t deserve to be here, and whether if I’m here or not won’t make much of a difference so what’s the point anyway?” Kind of way. I usually feel like this when I feel like I’ve hurt someone’s feelings (even if it’s unintentional) or if I have done something wrong in general. And I usually turn to scratching and picking at my skin to deal with feeling like such a terrible person and wanting to disappear because I’m such a terrible person. It feels weird posting this here because I don’t feel like this all the time, and it feels like my brain is almost faking it. Most days I feel happy to be around my family, friends, and my boyfriend and although work is stressful, I enjoy what I do. But when days like today roll around, it feels absolutely unbearable that I can’t even comprehend how the good days can be so good. These days don’t happen that often (maybe once a month or so), so maybe I’m just overreacting. I don’t even know why I’m posting this. I guess I think I just want to know if it’s normal to feel like this and I’m just overreacting. Is this normal? Does everyone usually have these thoughts when they’re upset? I’ve been thinking of seeing a therapist and I’ve put it off for so long thinking that I’m not “bad enough”. Plus, I don’t even know where to start looking. Am I taking this out of proportion or is this something I should consider getting help for?

I hate myself

replies: 3

Hey, im new here and I think I just needed somewhere to share all these feelings ive been bottling up. I while ago I met a guy who ill call M, and he was my ex boyfriends bestfriend. I fell really hard for M and I let him do whatever he want to me because I thought that would make him like me back. He played with my head from the start, telling me he had feelings for me and then only a few days later taking it all back. I feel like everything we did together caused me to get attached to him and every night I would spend hours crying over him because I was scared he was using me. To me he was the most amazing person, and I thought he was perfect for me. We were incredibly similar and had the same sense of humour and just understood eachother. I ended up doing something stupid which I didnt think he would care about and he removed me and told everyone I was disturbing names. It really shattered me and so many people who had never even met me turned against me. I ended up seeing him a while after it ended and he told me he hated my personality and hated who I was as a person. It absolutely destroyed me. I knew then that he had used me and lead me on and id never felt worse about myself. I was already self-harming before he removed me, but after it got so much worse. He took away all my confidence and made me question everything about myself. I can't talk to people like how I used too because in the back of my mind there is always a little voice reminding me of what he said. I can't look at myself in the mirror without thinking badly and im just so tired. He made me hate myself. FF

my best friend triggers my self harm.

replies: 2

trigger warning: self harm & suicidal thoughts i have an extremely unhealthy attachment to my best friend, i dont know why im like this but the way she acts towards me just affects my mood so much. if her tone towards me changes even slightly, i panic and cry and hyperventilate because i think shes going to leave me. and often times when this happens, i resort to self h@rm. she doesnt directly trigger my self h@rm of course, and my self h@rm is not her fault, but the way she acts towards me just affects me so so much. when we get along well, my depression practically goes away, and i feel ecstatic all day. i will feel warm and fuzzy all day and thank the universe for blessing me with such a perfect friend. but the moment her tone changes and she becomes blunt, i panic and my mood PLUMMETS and i fall into a depressive episode, and i usually dont come out of that episode until our friendship goes back to normal. when she becomes blunt with me, i also suddenly start to hate her and despise her, and get urges to just cut her off completely. i dont know why i can just jump between loving her with all the cells in my body and putting her on a pedestal, to hating her guts and wanting to end our friendship within a span of literally 10 seconds. whenever her tone changes and i feel like she hates me, i usually panic and self h@rm, and my su-cidal thoughts become so much worse. i have thoughts and fantasies of k-lling myself and blaming her in my su-cide note, and i have gotten as far as writing the note before. i did not actually attempt su-cide, but the morning after i wrote the note, i felt so guilty and disgusted at myself that i burned it. i feel so so guilty because these thoughts are absolutely terrible and i cant believe i would even THINK about these things. blaming someone for my su-cide? kind people wouldnt have these thoughts. why am i having these thoughts?? recently shes been talking to me less, im not sure why but its making me so depressed and su-cidal and i have been using everything in my power to fight off self h@rm urges. i dont know why im like this and i feel like such a bad person. i dont know how to stop these thoughts either. why does my mental wellbeing completely revolve around the way she treats me? why do i go into a panic/depressive episode the moment she treats me differently than she usually does? im so lost. i dont know why im like this.

Lost in this trap

replies: 3

I am new to all of this but not new to this feeling. I keep thinking, I never signed up to any of this, I did not choose to be born. This life is full of what should be and guilt. It’s like no matter how much pushing you do, something will happen. From molestation, sexual assault, losing family, abusive partners, toxic work places. I continue to tick the boxes, I try to move on, my friends and family always comment on my strength to pursue past my cursed life because it’s abnormal the messed up things that happen out of my control. But it’s not strength, it’s all guilt. I cannot burden others with it, depression is a disease but it’s to the point my chest hurts, like there is no more air. I know all the tricks in the book to try and cope, but I’ve used them for years where they have weathered to no affect anymore. I feel like the only reason I am still here is purely from the guilt of hurting those I love. Suicide is almost a seductive fantasy because I don’t know how to escape the shadows of my past or avoid the ones of the future. I feel so selfish asking for help, but the facade is wearing through and the weakness others see in me feels humiliating at the same time. They usually see me with a smile and put together, but now it’s like I can’t sleep but I’m constantly tired, sometimes I can’t keep still or I just shake and someone witnessing it, I just can’t. Lockdown has just amplified everything and I live alone with no visitors. Usually I run to distractions, but even going down stairs to run laundry takes days of accumulating motivation. I know I am loved, I know how hurtful this is for anyone in my life to see, and that’s where it hurts the most because of the guilt, I’ve felt like this for years, over a decade and I’m so tired of pretending that not only I am okay but pretending that I ever wanted this life. I can’t answer when people ask me what I need because I feel like I need a pass to make it acceptable to choose it. I stop myself in every way I can, I make sure I have no plan, and I hold on to that guilt even if it is just threads. I just feel forced into this trap we call life.

I'm really tired.

replies: 4

I used to have stage 4 depression a few years ago. I had a therapist as well and she said I had some sort of depression that would fester for a few weeks or months and then I'd feel fine for a long or short period of time. It's been a while since I've felt fine. It's probably the isolation but my anxiety and depression has gotten pretty bad. My coping mechanisms are even worse. I've been self-harming recently, a lot. I've developed a bit of an eating disorder cause I feel nicer when I feel hungry. I can't eat a lot, or at all. My mum's been giving me small portions for dinner and asks if I ate breakfast or lunch. She knows, i think, or she suspects. I've gotten used to lying to her for a long time, I've never really trusted her. It was only us for a long time and she wasn't okay when I was younger, she had ptsd but she's good now I guess, I don't think I trust her though. I had a panic attack a few nights ago on call with my friend cause I ate half a cookie and felt like throwing up. She didn't hear me cry, or she pretended not to, I'm glad. I also haven't slept well in a long, long time. As in go to bed at 12-4 in the morning and wake up at 6-8 in the morning type of stuff. I just can't get to sleep. I've been vaping a lot but I only indulge in that for the feeling. I've stopped before for months or years but it's not that addicting for me. I hadn't vaped in a long time but I got bored during quarantine and it helped the self-harming sometimes. Sometimes it made it worse. I'm not suicidal, promise, but I just like feeling in control when I spiral, feel too much or too little or when I want to feel the little rush when I self-harm. God it's a bad habit, I should really stop. Reading over this makes me see how depressed I really am, it's kind of sad though. I enjoyed this rant it felt kind of nice. But I really want to feel some comfort right now, a hug or a kiss or something to feel a little less lonely. Anyways I'm reaching the word limit so goodbye I guess. Anyone wanna guess what time I sleep tonight? No? Yes? I guess somewhere between 1-2am... We'll see.

my suicidal thoughts

replies: 4

Hi. I have anxiety and depression. I have many days where I feel empty. I think about dying. I always consider it a solution. I have many thoughts I would hate my parents to know about. I try to come up with a plan to kill myself. I've never told anyone. I lied to my GP when they asked if I ever had suicidal thoughts. I hate myself. But I know I can't kill myself. I have a nine year old sister. I need to be there on her first day of high school, her graduation day, her wedding day (if she wants to get married). My Mum needs me. Shes my best friend. My Dad needs me, even if he doesn't show it. I may not want to live. But there are people that still need me. When it gets really bad, I make sure I'm not alone. I'll have a snack even if I'm not hungry, and I will watch a easy movie with whoever is in the living room. (one that will entertain me but not talk about death) I guess I just kinda want some advice. Feel free to talk about your own experiences with suicidal thoughts in this thread.

Feeling worthless and losing control

replies: 226

Just saying a quick hello before I go on, I'm new to these forums hoping to become a part of this community. Basically I've felt myself really struggling with the effects of low self-esteem lately on me and feeling really worthless. I've always had fairly low self-esteem in relation to my image since I was really young but I used to at least be happy about my abilities and was overall fairly positive. This year however - and especially the past couple of months - I've habitually been excessively judgemental of myself and been practicing some unhealthy coping mechanisms. I've been constantly picking out all my flaws like saying to myself I'm ugly and that I'm no good at the sports I play and that no one prioritises their friendships with me because they don't care about me (because honestly that's what has been happening recently). Over the past couple of months I've been at a constant all time low where I don't seem to feel happy much and I'm constantly distracted by the fact that I feel terrible. It feels like I'm out of control and I hate the feeling, but I've discovered to regain control I distort my eating patterns to starve myself in the mornings up until after school where I can't handle it and I end up bingeing. It sickens me every day that I can't control myself in that way but I know I've gotten into a brutal cycle and it feels like it will only stop when I learn to have control over my eating, only to starve myself all day. I also started self harming about a month ago, but I stopped that about a week ago and even though its been tempting I'm so far resisting the urge. I've been regularly in contact with a counsellor from kids helpline over the past month and a half and its been helpful but I'm still struggling to find the worth in being resilient when I can't even find it in myself. I feel really down all the time and I'm tempted to just follow my emotionally unstable thoughts and not try to fix stuff because I'm on my own anyway (well that's what it feels like) but I'm at a dilemma in my head between giving up and me 'logically' knowing that I need to fix something. That being said, the fact that I understand that makes me seem like I've got myself sorted even though I don't and it puts me off seeking help further (in person). I want help but I feel like my problems aren't big enough and I'm scared of being judged even though I know it will be to the contrary but I really struggle to accept it when people actually say that I am deserving.

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

i just dont know what to do. replies: 3

Wanting to die replies: 3

Depressed replies: 3

Feeling blah replies: 3

I hate myself replies: 3

my best friend triggers my self harm. replies: 2

Lost in this trap replies: 3

I'm really tired. replies: 4

my suicidal thoughts replies: 4

Feeling worthless and losing control replies: 226