The advice is to talk…

[Teek]

It annoys me that the advice is to talk to someone but honestly it just seems pointless. There is too much to talk to anyone about, and when you voice it, it seems lame anyway. Especially compared to people going through war, flood, fire, cyclones etc. and losing everything. I have no right to be wishing for death when others are desperate to survive.

[geoff]

Hello Teek, welcome and I see you have replied to other threads, that's good.

Everyone on this site has had to go through their own type of depression, so what you say means a great deal to us.

There is a lot going on in the world at the moment, but if you aren't feeling well enough then it's not easy to cope with.

What you are wishing for creates a great of concern and certainly a worry for all of us.

Hope you can get back to us, I'll be away from this site for an hour or so, hopefully others can put up your comment.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[therising]

Hi Teek

I can understand where you're coming from: What's the point in talking things out and how are my concerns all that serious in relation to other people's suffering? Took me years to make sense of why I'd spent so long in depression (about 15 years) and how I could possibly have been depressed, compared to those who'd been through serious trauma. Eventually things began to make sense. Hope you can relate.

I could talk things out in my own head continuously. Back and forth through internal dialogue, it was like a battle raging on to the point where I just wanted to escape. Such a battle can be emotionally (mentally/physically) exhausting. It's the kind of battle that seriously drains you in so very many ways. To introduce new dialogue can involve introducing other people's dialogue, to see if it's more relatable than our own. So, talking things out puts your dialogue out there so that others can offer constructive feedback. Give you an example. You can have people say to you 'You're way too sensitive, you need to toughen up'. Back and forward in your head you can go between 'They're right. What's wrong with me?!' and 'I resent people for saying that to me all the time'. The 3rd lot of dialogue may involve someone who's faced depression saying 'You know that comment, it's naturally depressing and highly triggering. The reason that comment brings you down is because it's a depressing comment and you're feeling the nature of it. It can also trigger you to feel anger because it's an angering comment'. That new dialogue can help make sense of why you're feeling the comment the way you are. You could discover there's absolutely nothing wrong with you in the way you react to that comment. It's natural. You're highly tuned into the nature of that comment. Revelation: Why can't the insensitive people feel that comment? Because they're insensitive (lacking in feeling). Sensitive people have the ability to feel words.

Depression can come about in a variety of ways. We can become gradually depressed (through feeling more lost than ever before or through being surrounded by somewhat degrading uninspiring depressing people, for example), we can become suddenly depressed (through significant trauma or sudden overwhelming intolerance) or we can become chemically depressed, through chemical imbalance. While we can be left questioning at times whether we're 'entitled' to feel depressed, the fact remains we're feeling the depression and we're feeling it for a reason.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Teek,

Thank you for being part of the beyondblue community forums.

We want you to know that we are here for you at the Beyond Blue forums, it's great to see you have already begun engaging with fellow contributors and receiving peer support after your hiatus in posting.
We understand it can be frustrating talking to someone but we want you to know that we are here at the Beyond Blue Support Service provides 24/7 advice and support via telephone (call 1300 22 4636), webchat and email (email response provided within 24 hours). But if you feel you're in crisis, please contact emegency services on 000.
One of our qualified professionals would be delighted to have a conversation with you and provide assistance or just someone willing to listen if that is what helps.
Please don't think that the events of the world dimish your experiences, they are valid and you deserve to be heard without judgement if in crisis, Beyond Blue is there if you need us.
Once again it is fantastic that you have made your way back to the forums, and thank you for your contributions. Please seek out further assistance if you require it.

Kind Regards
Sophie M

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Teek,

I'd like to assure you, your feelings are valid, no matter how small and insignificant that they might seem to you. The forum is a safe space for you to share any thoughts/stories, or just as a venting space for you to let out anything that's on your mind.

The point of talking is to open yourself to others, to have a conversation and voice your stories. To be open is to allow yourself to connect with others. The reality is, due to everyone being unique, with our differences in culture/thoughts/beliefs, it can some times be difficult to connect with others, and can make talking seem pointless.

Curious to know more on your thoughts, why do you feel talking to be pointless and lame?

Jt

[Teek]

Thank you to all of you lovely kind people for replying and caring.

This month marks 6 yrs since my beautiful adult son left us after a tragic accident. Easter Monday 28th March 2016. Then his birthday arrives without him here, 27th April. So I know it is a tough time, but everyday since that horrible day is actually unbearable.

Truthfully though I have suffered Depression and Anxiety for decades. Long before losing my boy. I have been lucky in many ways, but like all people, also challenged. My father suicided when I was 8. He left behind a 32 yr old wife and we 5 children, ages 2-12, I was 8. My poor mum. She ended up being a daily drinker, and quite distant. Tough times for her, but she always provided a clean home and good meals. She passed away 4 years ago (but had dementia for 10 years prior). Sadly I was sexually abused by a male teacher from 12-16 and I was sent to live in another state with an uncle and aunt; it protected me, but took me away from my school and friends. At 20 I married a bully, but escaped that 10 yrs later; although the cost was high. I lost so much time with my two beautiful sons because their father was very domineering and controlling.
These days things are safe. I have a good husband and another beautiful son. My three sons are truly great wonderful people (although now my eldest is not here anymore). My husband has done a couple of stupid things lately and lied to me but I think we are on the same page again. I don’t work anymore because I don’t have the emotional strength to deal with the nastiness and bullying in the workplace. Its a pity because I am actually well educated and capable. Its wasted knowledge and ability, but I need to stay safe. My husband supports us financially and is supportive of my choices.
So you see, life for me is so much better than for so many others. I am just tired of not wanting to be on this planet, of feeling useless in the world, feeling like a burden to everyone I love, and of knowing that I have few options because avoiding stressful situations and people has to be my priority. It would make the anxiety and depression even worse if I forced myself to be out there.

Thank you for letting me talk/write. No one can really help. I will not take my own life because I would never do to my sons what my father did. I just wish I could. I am safe here in my little world and I am loved. That is more than many can say.

[geoff]

Hello Teek, it's still lovely to be recognised for what you have had to struggle with, and I'm deeply sorry for the loss of your son and realise that this can leave a profoundly difficult time for you, along with what else you have had to endure.

I truly hope your husband has been able to rectify his errors because that's the stability you need plus the support of your sons for you to get better.

You know when I was suffering from depression, anxiety and everything else, I never thought I would get any better, because my negative thoughts would dominate my thinking, although I never experienced what you have been through, but slowly over time as I changed my routine, each day became a little bit clearer to make me a stronger person, so I'm able to try and help those going through similar circumstances.

I really hope your mammoth experience will be able to help not only yourself but others as well.

My very best.

Geoff. x

[Guest_1643]

Hi teek, the advice is to talk, but id say that's not the best advice

To who, and when you talk, are careful considerations

Judt opening up for the sake of it, as is sometimes glorified by advocacy groups or even bb, well, no, I don't agree with that

Talking and trusting are slow processes of healing and ppl do need to be worthy of our trust.

Sometimes it's better not to talk,

But if unfeel comfortable, and it helps, I hope u can share more of Ur story

Ur sons sound lovely.

[smallwolf]

Hello.

Someone on the forums here said to me once that it does not matter what makes you feel low, that if you are you are still deserving of support and help. So I pass this onto you.

And yes there are people who are worse off also deserving of support.

But if you made to feel worthless or things have happened that make you want to question the value of your own life, the ability to talk to someone is valuable.

It doesn't make you weak. You are human with feelings and thoughts. It is gold if you have people you can talk to. If you have to talk to a professional that is ok.

You are deserving of love and support and a happier life. That doesn't stop the memories or challenges we all face.

You are deserving but you matter

[smallwolf]

The last line should say ...

Because you matter