Tell us your thoughts - What's kept or keeping you here?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi everyone,

This is not an easy thread to make but I'm doing it because I think it's important.

I can see that you're all hurting and I know because I'm hurting too. Right now I'm in an easier place but it wasn't that long ago where I wasn't. Often we can find lots of reasons why we don't want to be here, and very few reasons that we do. So I'm making this post to bring everyone together to either find reasons to stay or show me why you've stayed. I don't care whether they are small or big reasons. They are reasons.

Please feel free to post below because I want to hear yours, and I want this to be a thread where people who come here can grab onto a reason too.

The reasons why I chose to stay -

- My dogs.

- Planning to die was very complicated.

- I wanted to hold on just in case things got a little bit better.

and now, I'm glad that I stayed. Please know that while suicide will end the pain, it will end your life too - so you'll say goodbye to any opportunities that things might get better. Opportunities for laughter, joy and beautiful memories. Sometimes it's about staying with the pain and finding other ways to let go of it without saying goodbye to our life.

[IreneM]

Very Lovely Response IsaJett!

Yes We are Comrades working together to support each other!

It gives us all a sense of Unity and that we are a team all there for each other.

I am doing really well now and, as a result am, in 2019, about to start giving advice.

It's a bit confronting thinking about all of the issues that affected me when I was an acute kidney patient for about thirty years before I got renal failure, and on dialysis, before I got my donated kidney; but now I have to give them serious thought as I raise them with Queensland Health on behalf of all other patients in these two categories. But the end result will be better care plan for people with kidney issues of any kind.

The other success that I am having is getting ready to study as a therapist. I have done enough preparation to know that being a mental therapist is more than likely for me. So starting in 2019 I will begin preparations to become a mental therapist. Now that I understand the basics of how our minds work I will look into this further.

Irene.

[Rubix]

It would have to be my three kids but not particularly for positive reasons (the joy they can bring etc). Rather, it's a fear that they won't receive the right guidance in life as they grow into teenagers and beyond. Part of my depression/anxiety stems from discontent with the current status of the world and where I envisage it is going. I have very little optimism about the future.

If I didn't have kids or if they were adult and were relatively stable then perhaps I'd consider departing more seriously. But then I've never really had a definitive exit plan either. There is a fear I'd get it wrong and come out of it physically worse. Perhaps the fact that I'm put off by the nature of the more certain ways is an indication that perhaps I have quite reached the bottom.

So my reasons for staying aren't so much positive, but rather that I feel trapped.

[Ggrand]

Hello Rubin and all,

Im so very glad that you have three beautiful children that need you to help guide them into their teenage years and beyond...It really doesn’t matter how old your children get they will always need and love you, Your their mum, and one day you will hopefully have the honour of being a grand mum to their children, Think of the beautiful times that are waiting for you in the future Rubix, There is now I’m sure some very precious memories being made with you and your children, as adults they still need their mum always...

Rubix, I’m sending you some comforting hugs 🤗 and some of my hope 🌈 so you can see that their definitely is something better around that corner...

Very caring thoughts,

Grandy..👼..

[Quercus]

Hi Rubix and anyone reading.

(And hello too to Grandy... Your post was helpful to me also so thank you).

Rubix it takes a lot of guts to permit yourself to realise let alone admit that you live because you need to care for others. I realised the same today. Have been isolating myself, avoiding people and picking fights with loved ones because I want to be alone. If noone needs me I am free to act.

However... The good thing about allowing ourselves to admit and record that we are feeling this way is that we can now see this is unsafe and it is time to seek medical help.

I see my psychiatrist thursday and plan to resume therapy. Perhaps it sounds an overreaction but I know for myself these signs are unhealthy. What about you? Do you have a medical team you can check in with?

Nat

[IreneM]

Lovely thoughts Nat

I think what has been helping me to become more positive is by writing and admitting my negative thoughts in a journal and later, when I am more calm and at peace, I go through these thoughts and try to write on the opposite page any positive thoughts or actions that could help to replace them.

This gives me a goal to work towards or aim for, and over time I am becoming more positive instead of negative in my thinking.

Irene.

[Batula]

It was my kids that stopped me. But then dhs took them away!

[Rubix]

There is now I’m sure some very precious memories being made with you and your children, as adults they still need their mum always...

True. Alas I am their dad, so I'm somewhat more expendable.

It isn't so much that I believe they need me, rather that I have this deep distrust about the way western society is headed, peer pressures they may be exposed to and , yes I'm sorry to say, not a lot of faith in their mother to give them a perceived (mine) balance on a number of important life matters. I feel pressure to stay only because I helped bring them into this world.

Regarding the other poster's query about medical assistance. No I don't. I don't feel like numbing myself to reality and they will tell me that it's just paranoia etc whereas the comments I hear from time to time clearly indicate it's very real.

[enigmaboy]

I know this is an old post but I feel like saying that the only reasons I stay is because although I internally view myself as completely worthless and a waste of human life, I know first hand what kind of impact suicide can have on people, I've had many people in my immediate circle attempt suicide. It completely destroys families forever and things aren't ever the same, it creates a never ending domino effect of destruction and it eats away at everyone involved. I also feel like there's more for me to do in this world, I'm not done, I wanna see my loved ones succeed in life, I wanna have an impact on other people's lives before I take my own and I know I have something I can contribute in this world more than just self loathing.

So I guess my realism is what kept me here 🙂

[Smiley_kylie]

I feel ya. I have no reason I can think of to keep going. I'm so lonely

[giggles]

Hey enigmaboy

ditto,what keeps me here is when l am actually feeling the love for my Grandsons.

lts mainly when l am alone l get the mind stuff ticking.

l have however continually got a new motivation with learning the Piano. Very very fortunate with the teacher however who does it because he can. How lucky am l.

l started 4yrs ago every week it brings me some joy.

Not a cure but something.

it was good to read you have the same idea about living.

I do alot of activities that create but its only ever a tempery thing.

Giggles