Tell us your thoughts - What's kept or keeping you here?
This is not an easy thread to make but I'm doing it because I think it's important.
I can see that you're all hurting and I know because I'm hurting too. Right now I'm in an easier place but it wasn't that long ago where I wasn't. Often we can find lots of reasons why we don't want to be here, and very few reasons that we do. So I'm making this post to bring everyone together to either find reasons to stay or show me why you've stayed. I don't care whether they are small or big reasons. They are reasons.
Please feel free to post below because I want to hear yours, and I want this to be a thread where people who come here can grab onto a reason too.
The reasons why I chose to stay -
- My dogs.
- Planning to die was very complicated.
- I wanted to hold on just in case things got a little bit better.
and now, I'm glad that I stayed. Please know that while suicide will end the pain, it will end your life too - so you'll say goodbye to any opportunities that things might get better. Opportunities for laughter, joy and beautiful memories. Sometimes it's about staying with the pain and finding other ways to let go of it without saying goodbye to our life.
At the moment I’ve been going through some stuff and a lot of the time I have sucidal thoughts,but I just think of the things that keep me alive.
•my pets •my extended family •future job and family •travelling the world •finishing high school and just thinking of the opportunities I would miss out on if I did do it.
this helps me a lot and I have so much to look forward to so just thinking about them,helps me alot
For a while, the one thing that prevented me from attempting was that I couldn’t decide on the most “effective” method. I simply wanted to die and being in my early teens at the time I was scared of any repurcusions that would arise from a failed attempt- what would I even say to my mum when I woke up? Would I be forced into a psych ward? (I have only ever been admitted voluntarily).
When I was a little older I began to understand how truly devastating a suicide is to family and friends and decided I simply could not put my loved ones through that pain. I told myself that I was staying alive for them, not myself, but that one day I would want to stay alive for myself. Eventually, I did! I still experience the occasional thought of suicide or self harm (this was also an issue for me, to a lesser extent than the suicidal thoughts/tendencies) however I believe these thoughts occur out of habit... which sounds strange, but I don’t know how else to explain it when overall I have not considered myself to be suicidal for five years now.
I was reading that you still have suicidal/self harm thoughts and wondered why. I can't say I know the answer except I think that for some people they start in the first place as an attempt to 'fix' whatever is unbearable.
This was me, and as time has gone one they still do happen - the suggestion of a way out of current problems. However they have lost their power. I'm able to think back on all the times I've felt that way and that lets me know they pass, and problems become able to be dealt with. I also have a Safety Plan.
If I understand you correctly you are finding things in life you want to live for, not just keep on living out of love and concern for others. I'm glad.
Often I just want the merry goaround to stop. Just to close my eyes and float away. Unfortunately nearly succeeded once.Its not the wish to die per se its the wish to make life livable again, The unbearable feelings inside me get so overwhelming that "floating away" seems VERY tempting. But as my psych tells me that would be a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Well that problem is nearly a year now.
Reason I did not suicide? My friends, my therapist and psychiatrist and my GP. They all care. My family I don't know major issues in that department.
I got meds for bad days over x-mas. I am setting up meetings with my friends so I don't get lonely. I am still sick and rely on other people to come to me , I cant go to them. Sux.cant shop cant drive cant cycle.
But I will force myself to see the good things in life. I must. I have a chance to recover .I must take this cache. some people at never given this chance......
Your plans to help you keep safe are an excellent idea. I find the more options and detail in my safety plan the safer I am.
Are you able to contact your psych in a crisis too? If not it may help to store the numbers for helplines especially the suicide call back service.
I'm glad you are here and keeping on trying. If it helps you at all please remember many of us here have been in that place where it feels hopeless. Noone will judge here so if you need support please don't hesitate to reach out.
Congratulations on looking ahead to keep safe. It sounds like you are as prepared as you can be.
One phone number I would like you to keep handy is the Suicide Call Back Service. 1300 659 467 They are amazing people. No judgements, simply a listening ear with suggestions on keeping safe or going to hospital if it gets too bad. Cannot remember the number of times they have given me tremendous help and I have stayed safe.
During these holiday times I suspect there may be many more calls than usual to this service, but please hang on and wait. So many people find Christmas difficult and need some support. Write in here as much as you want. I cannot guarantee a swift answer but it may be helpful to just write.
In spite of everything going down the tubes I hope your Christmas will be safe and you will find renewed strength to move forward.
At the the start of the month I struggled with suicidal thoughts and didn't think about doing anything about it and never really made of list of reasons to stay and hopefully this list will help others as other people's lists have helped me.
- My family
- the life experiences and opportunities after high school finishes
- things around me that make life such an amazing thing like nature, sunsets, all that stuff
- also knowing that if I actually did do it how much hurt and pain i'd be putting my family through and I would never want to do that to my family.
Thankyou for giving me a space to write this down