The "absence of logic"? Another way to put it- "the peak of emotions misplaced". Community champions here offer peer support based on their experience and knowledge, essentially, in all other ways we are like you. I recall the day my tears filled the nearby creek and the mere thought of losing my full time fatherhood...I muffled grief in my shed. I recall every moment in 1996, one week before her narcissism that forced me to leave. So it's that reflection of my mental state that I'm here talking about it now.
There is little logic to it. Emotions are really high and you believe there is no way out- there is though, but your mind isn't in the state to allow you that logic to see clearly. I can say that what really saved me was two things.
- A few years earlier my father, sensing my wife was twisting my mind, said "better to be the best part time dad...than no dad at all"
- That I had plenty of time to review life on my own, my living arrangements, my interests.
With those two assets I left the family home but before I did I kissed my infant girls on their forehead as they slept and took their favourite 'golden book' Saggy baggy elephant with me. For that was the nightly ritual, to read it as they snuggled in bed. Even though, some nights dad took short cuts "once upon a time...the end, sleep tight". "What about Baggy dad"?
There is some messages here.
- If your spouse is a tyrant of any sort remember- tyrants never "win"
- If not a tyrant you just might not be able to live together. It happens
- That your children deserve you part time or half share. You are important
- That the grief is temporary
- That life can be how you plan it, it doesnt have to be all bad memories
- It's ok to seek help, professionals, even one chat be it on the phone to lifeline 131114 or beyondblue at the bottom of this page in red. A few words can make sense when your own senses are confused
I recall it was February that year yet at xmas time I drove into that town to collect my kids for an extended visit. I had to pull over to contain my sadness, my first xmas not at our home. So 10 months later there were those times. But I did what became a routine- I wiped away my sorrow and switched to task mode- to provide a smile on my childrens faces. My focus on them more important
Remarried, very happy, I'd built my own home post separation from my ex, kids grown, hobbies, interests and a wonderful life. Please remember- at your lowest point, life can only get better.
Life can only get better...
TonyWK
