Told my psychiatrist finally

[Jacqui51]

I heard from my psychiatrist and have finally responded. My email was written over several days and I heavily edited to remove the immaterial.

At the end I decided to tell them about tapering and stopping medication. It seems only fair as they have cared enough to write.

Now I want to cry and wish I had not said anything. I don't like feeling vulnerable and having been open and honest about my thoughts, feelings and actions upsets me.

I do know on an intellectual level that for there to be any hope of a therapeutic relationship when the psychiatrist is back open honesty is essential. On the emotional level I want to cry and run.

I am so unsure just now.

[Chris_Tas]

So what are you asking?

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Jacqui,

I think that you done the right thing about letting your psychiatrist know that you have tapered off and stopped medication....It’s something that they really need to know, so they can help you the best they can with your decision..

Its okay to cry dear Jacqui, you fought through your demons and disclosed something that was incredibly hard to do, your emotions are running riot and they need an escape which is generally through tears...I am deeply sorry you’re feeling this way..

Being open and honest is really hard, but I think if we really do have a want to get back to wellness then we have to try to be able to trust our psychiatrist and work with them towards our wellness....I think you done the right thing..

My kindest thoughts lovely Jacqui..

Grandy...

[mmMekitty]

Hello Jacqui51,

Writing that email sure took some courage. What you say about intellectually knowing that being open & honest with your Psychiatrist is essential, but feeling like you want to run away & cry, reminds me so much of myself, when I first went to see a Psychiatrist.It was the hardest thing for me to even begin to speak - I wished I could have handed him letters every week, because I was writing everything down. I thought, why can't I just show yu that?

I really haven't answered that question. Writing is so much more natural for me than speaking ever was.

I realised though, that when a session had ended, & I'd said so very little, I would gain nothing from the sessions if I kept going that way.

I finally feel I can trust this Psychiatrist I see now. Well, we have been doing telehealth, phone call sessions since late March 2020, & now Medicare expects video calls for him to offer the sessions at the same length. I am uncomfortable with cameras, photos of myself, or videos of myself, & even obvious microphone use. I know my iPhone has a microphone & I've had to get used to it, due to my vision impairment, because telling Siri is often more convenient.

If I was emailing him, I'd be writing way too much, even after editing.

As for the medication, a decision doesn't have to be made straight away. You & your Psychiatrist can discus the issue, why to taper & stop, & why to continue the medication, what would it mean to stop? Discus the pros & cons. Ask about what to expect if you did begin to taper off. There can be some 'side effects' when you begin. I went through tapering off a medication, & did have some odd effects, but because I was warned I could cope with that.

All the best.

mmMekitty

[smallwolf]

Sucks doesn't it. On one side there is being vulnerable and on the other everything telling you that is the wrong thing to do.

Well, that is how I interpreted your post, or least how I have felt in similar positions. For myself, when I was being vulnerable what I said was thrown back at me in some form as an insult. Repeatedly. So expect the same from the professional. However I also like to think my psychs care about me as well and the same for you.

So while you feel bad now I would also say it can help to strengthen the relationship between the you and the professional. And helpfully it will become easier over time

[Jacqui51]

Nothing

[Guest_1643]

hi Jacqui, I know you have another thread, which I wrote on, where you were saying the responses here seemed too sugary and happy. Do you also have other threads?

I am not sure from what you wrote here what it is you have told your psychiatrist, or if you told ppl on another thread...

Is it that you have stopped and tapered your meds? That's great that u tapered them because stopping coldturkey apparantly can cause side effects.

I disagree that open honesty is crucial for therapy -

lying might cause problems but i personally think that its okay to take ur time to figure out if u trust the psych and tell them when u are ready.

I forced myself to open up to my therapist and they were not very good and i regret it. It takes a little while to grow trust, so its okay to wait a bit.

[therising]

Hi Jacqui

As others have mentioned, it is definitely courageous to express that vulnerable side. There's always some risk involved. Little risk when we play it safe. Being a 'safe player' often means a lack of progress. So, you could technically say you've made significant progress, regarding your email.

The internal battle that results from such progress can be absolutely torturous. When you're in 2 minds, listening to them battle it out can lead you to feel like you could scream. While it may sound a little insane, I find what can help at times comes down to identifying the 2. While we can have an adventurer in us, a scholar, a philosopher, a ranting maniac (for when things become completely intolerable), as well as a whole stack of other aspects, figuring out which 2 aspects of our nature are battling it out can be tricky. Perhaps it's the sage in you and the protector battling it out. Does it sound a little like

The protector having a go: Why did you have to admit you've tapered off the meds? Things were going fine. Now, what's going to happen?!

The sage: It's a matter of being honest, in order to make progress

The protector: You didn't have to be so honest. You could have lied a bit

The sage: Lying will get you nowhere

So, you could go to your next appointment where the psych may ask 'Why have you been taking yourself of the meds?' While the kid in you may be feeling chastised, there's nothing quite like channeling 'the straight talker' in you, which sounds a little like 'Do you want me to be honest with you or not? Let's move past it, in order to make progress'.

Jacqui, as I say, I know it sounds a little insane to some degree but I've found there can be so many facets when it comes to who we are. Figuring out which part of our nature serves us best is key at times. If it was the sage in you that insisted you be honest, respect the sage in you as you go on to make progress and as you learn to be proud of your honesty 🙂

[Chris_Tas]

Look, I didn't mean to appear rude.

You will get fantastic support on here but I find your criticism of members and now those people around you difficult to understand or accept.

In any case I wish you the best as I'm sure those people who you criticise do also.

Chris

[Guest_1643]

Hi Jacqui,

I understand what Chris is saying in that your posts have felt to me a bit harsh and made me feel pretty badly.

The ppl on this forum are strangers on the internet, but its a bit more specific than that...

we are ppl who have a lived experience of trauma, mental health struggles etc like this. Ie we are vulnerable. While this forum has a pretty wide scope of what can be said and tbh there aren't many rules, I am a bit wary when ppl use the forum to criticise others or jump at them.

In ur previous post i wrote to u and u indicated I didn't sound real.

We're all real. this is a place for real ppl. U can say whatever you want. We can say whatever we want. But we wouldn't be here unless we had a lived experience with trauma, mental health issues etc.

So please respect that we are the same as u, and we're looking for the same thing as you - support. Part of the process is that you engage here in other ppls lives and thus feel valuable and valued.

Re being in ur 60s and feel down, out and like others don't understand... many users are in their 60s and 70s and have a long lived experience which they share.

I'm in my 30s but I've seen a lot, and am estranged from family living alone suffering from PTSD, social anxiety, Body Dysmorphia, and now, a new fresh diagnosis.

No one here is out to get you. Quite the opposite, the caring ppl who reach out, gain absolutely nothing and care from a real place.