Hi Chris
Wish I was there beside you, I really do. If someone said to me 'If you could wish for anything today, what would it be?', this would be my wish, to be sitting beside you.
I would spend part of the day reassuring you there is nothing wrong when it comes to feeling incredible sorrow for yourself (aka feeling sorry for yourself). I can't stand hearing people say to another 'Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop overthinking everything and just get on with life'. In my mind, they may as well be saying 'Suppress your sadness/your grief and move ahead without a plan'. It's kind of insane really. There's always a reason for our sorrow, why we're feeling so deeply and there's always a need for a plan when moving through our grief.
Chris, I hope you realise how seriously depressing your parents are. It really is serious. I think it's so important to realise who in our life is most depressing or even slightly depressing on occasion. Even the slightly depressing people can pick away at our soul, sometimes without us even realising. Such people can leave you thinking 'What's wrong with me?'. At 51, it has only been in the last few years where I've come to realise my challenge is not to 'toughen up', it's to become more sensitive. Having worked hard on becoming more sensitive, I can more easily sense who's depressing, can sense who's an a-hole (spouting out nothing put poop), can sense who's inspiring, who's questionable, who's slightly insane, who's closed minded, who's open minded, who's a natural, who's also sensitive (a feeler) and so much more. Chris, do you think sane people would laugh at a person who's facing one of the darkest moments of their life? Do you think a sane person, under the circumstances, would say you don't deserve to be in hospital?
Chris, looking back at my years in depression which are behind me, I can easily see the insanity that played out on so many levels and at times I can't help but question it. For example, I remember my darkest day, which landed me in hospital talking to a psych. There I was in emergency, in a room full of others, with some dude quizzing me about what led me there and what the plan ahead was. In my most personal moment ever, in my darkest time, I was questioned publicly. How insane is that? When perspective flips, you come to realise just how sane you are.
No need to feel pressured to respond Chris. There's no pressure at all, whatsoever. Give yourself the freedom to respond only when you feel the need 🙂
