Reaching out and remaining anonymous

[Pandemica]

Hi, new to this forum.

Been struggling with some really really dark thoughts of late. I am a front-line worker in a hospital and the workload of late has been absolutely ridiculous. I, as we all are am feeling absolutely broken and burnt out. On top of this, I have been working through some really traumatic experiences with a therapist of late. It leaves me with this pervasive dark cloud over my head that follows me everywhere. My whole body feels heavy and most days I struggle to even get out of bed. I find myself crying in the car on the way to work, then crying on the way home again. I am having some really intrusive suicidal thoughts. Though I desperately wish I could just quietly slip out of this life one day. I stop myself because I feel so so guilty to hurt others around me and also my family.

I have considered ringing a helpline during some really dark times. Can you just ring them for a chat without the fear of any intervention on their part?

Thanks,

Pandemica

[Pandemica]

Thanks Croix,

Some good things to think about. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my job, but you are right, no job is worth your life. I am trying to get a break, some time off to sort out my mental health but alas my leave application was rejected due to needing as many health care workers at work at the moment. Hopefully in a few months time I can get a break. I just feel so trapped at the moment but I am really finding these online chats really helpful.

[Centaured]

Your situation sounds tough. Like really tough. You are so strong to be going through it each day, it's understandable your feeling the pressure of it and want a break.

Most health cafe services legally have to have a psychology service they offer to workers as part of they're insurance, and that psychology service can't report to your job that you are there, just the statistics. Have you thought of accessing something like that.

[Pandemica]

Hi centaured,

Yeah we do have that service. EAP. I have accessed them a few times in the past .. often talking to someone is better than talking to nobody at all.