On the Fence

[LittleMissAlice]

I dont know what to do. i cant think straight and all the only thing going around and around my head is how sad i am, all the time. ive barely done any work on my assignments and prior commitments and all that because i was that confident that i was going to do it this morning. I almost did, i don't know what stopped me. this is so much worse than before, when i was so assured that id be dead soon and confident that it was the right decision, but now im not sure. i dont want to live anymore and im trying so hard to hold on but my head is chaos and i dont know what to do anymore. Im just feeling sad and i hate it and im dragging others down with me. i dont even know why im writing this when i dont really want help. i want to die but im scared. maybe i just need to talk? ive tried talking to people but its not working, i feel better for a little bit but it gets worse almost instantly, i need help

[Sophie_M]

Hi Little Miss Alice, 

We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way, it sounds like you are going through a really tough time. It is an amazing thing to reach out and share how you are feeling and you can feel very proud that you have done that today. 

We are reaching out to you privatley to offer some further support and we are trying to get in contact with you for a phone call too. 

There is always further support on the phone line or the online chat. Details are below. We encourgae you to keep reaching out for support.

Phone Line
1300 22 4636

Online Chat
https://online.beyondblue.org.au/Webmodules/chat/InitialInformation.aspx

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

[LittleMissAlice]

im so sorry i went to that second link but i just dont know how to explain this to people. Ive told one of my friends but i feel awful because ive burdened them with that now, and if theres really no way out of me doing it then why am i seeking people out? im just hurting people even more

[white knight]

Hi Little Miss Alice.

Oh dear, yes I've been where you are at many times. I'm so happy I held on to life and all it has to offer that I didnt realise when I was younger.

I have a saying "I will do my best, that should be good enough for everybody". Because your best is your best right? Another saying is "I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations" that effectively means that other expect more from me that I can deliver. Sure, teachers and parent can expect you to put in your school assignments but if you are not healthy enough then you might need to relax a bit and explain yourself to the best of your ability as to why you cant.

I understand this period of your life is very hard. Trust me, it will pass. Seek a doctors visit and go from there.

Have faith little miss Alice. (ps love your name)

TonyWK

[LittleMissAlice]

Thank you but i cant go to a doctor without parental contact im assuming and that wont go down well, mental health is not really something were 'meant' to talk about. im sorry i realize im giving the bare minimum amount of context, i followed that link you sent Sophie and stayed on the chat for a couple of minutes but i just dont know how to talk about this. its so hard to put into words and to be honest i cant even think of any reasons why anymore, i just have this aching longing to be done with this. i told my friend but now i feel even worse, i feel like ive just burdened her with all my shit when i have no real will to change or fix the problem at all. ive been scrolling around mental support websites for the past 3 years and i dont know why, i dont know what i think im going to find, i dont know why im trying to find help if i dont want it. im really sorry

[Sophie_M]

Hello again Little Miss Alice, 

There is nothing to be sorry about, this forum is a place to share and connect with others who have had similiar expereinces. It is a place of no-judgment and safety. It is great that you gave the online chat a go, that is a first step and it must have taken courage to get that far. You can always have another go if you feel up to it. 

Sometimes a phone call is easier, even if you don't do much talking. Just a remidner that the phone line number is 1300 22 4636.

Also, there is the Kids Helpline and Lifeline services if you want to try a different voice - they are wonderful there too 🙂

Kids Helpline - 1800 55 1800 or https://www.kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling

Lifeline - 13 11 14 or https://www.lifeline.org.au/get-help/online-services/crisis-chat

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[Guest_206]

Dear LittleMissAlice,
I'm so sorry to hear that you are in such a dark space. I'm really feeling for you right now and know that I understand the strength it's taken to reach out on this forum. I hope that as Sophie_M said you might feel like you are able to reach out to one of the helplines, even if you don't say much.

[white knight]

I agree Little Miss Alice is quite brave actually.

TonyWK

[LittleMissAlice]

Thanks everyone 🙂 I went to see my schools guidance counsellor again today and actually told her i was considering suicide. Things have gone to absolute shit- obviously the school legally has to contact my parents, but my mum is freaking out, my dad hasn't come home yet but my mum says she has to let my dad know and that's going to be awful and everyone is just so sad, these are all, again, very understandable reactions but i feel like crap and even though ive reached out to people and been brave and all of that i feel even worse than before. my head is a mess, i can barely think and now that ive thrown everything upside down.

[Sophie_M]

Hi LittleMissAlice,

Thank you for reaching out here - it sounds like you've had a really overwhelming day today. We're so sorry to hear that you're feeling so low. Please know that while things must seem really tough and complicated right now and it might not seem like it yet, you have done the right thing in reaching out for help. We can hear how distressed you're feeling in this moment and we are reaching out to you privately to offer some support.

If you'd rather chat to someone online or make the call yourself, we'd recommend getting in touch with Kids Helpline - 1800 55 1800 or https://www.kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling

It's really important to keep safe when you're feeling this way. Have you created a safety plan for yourself? When you're feeling up to it, this page may be able to help you make one if you haven't yet - “BeyondNow suicide safety planning” - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

Please feel free to talk more here. We hope that you can find some comfort in our online community.