*Trigger - self harm* I suffer from anxiety and depression and struggle living out in the world myself and since i have started to wory about my gf

[Aidenk]

So my anxiety and depression keep me inside most of the time and usually that's only effected myself as I cannot live my life something I'm sure many of you are familiar with however lately my gf has been going out with freinds and she has a history of being sexually assualted so I'm very weary. When were out I steer clear of most men unless we know them and I don't let her follow random people on social media. I also don't allow her to post certain photos that may be a tiny bit on the strange side or anything that shows off her body which causes fights since she has her own mental struggles such as body dysmorpphia and claims she's just trying to be confident in herself. In the most recent incident it has driven me to self harm since the feeling that I can't do what's right for her and I can't be what she wants me to be and I irritate her and I am far too controlling and she deserves better. Which further continued the arguement since she hates when I self-harm and leaves me feeling more worthless. I know we only want what's best for eachother and I was wondering if anyone has experienced something similar before becuase I really love her and I don't wanna screw this up. Thank you much love and positivity to everyone reading this.

[Sophie_M]

Hey AidenK, welcome to the Beyond Blue forums! Thank you for joining us here. 
We're so sorry to hear that you're feeling quite low at the moment, but please know that you've come to safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you.

If you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

We hope that you keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it. We're all here for you.
 

[Croix]

Dear Aidenk~

It might have been desperation, or simply a wise move, but coming here to talk about your problems was an excellent idea. You get people who have been similar seeing part of themselves in you and they can say what helped.

First I think your GF is lucky to have someone like you who realy cares, that's not something that happens all the time. You are far from worthless. OK, you may feel you are not doing a perfect job, and that you are too controlling or that you are not what she wants you to be, however care is a powerful thing. Plus you can see the dangers she does not -or disregards.

All that is fine but there's a problem. To get the right balance between trying to guide your GF away from danger, and do so without giving in to your own fears for her and being too controlling and self harming when it does not work you really need to be in a better place than you are.

You said you had both anxiety and depression and her actions and your inability to stop her has led to self-harm. Even before those two illnesses had been restricting your lifestyle and kept you inside most of the time.

So for the moment rather than thinking about your GF - a problem for another day - I'd like to ask about you.

First do you mind telling me if you are under medical treatment for those two conditions, depression and anxiety? The reason I ask is I have them too, though now they are an awful lot better, and that started with medical support. Before that no way, I could not make myself better.

So if you are under treatment can I suggest you go back and say it is not working, in fact it is working so badly self harm has started. So there needs to be a reassessment of your treatment. This might sound like a hard thing to do, but going on as you are simply makes things worse. If they are any good at all they will be sympathetic and realistic.

Of course if you have no medical support then can I say I'd think it would be a good idea to book a long consultation with your GP, and say everything that has been happening and how your have self-harmed (not an easy thing to admit to but important). If you think you will not get things right by talking you could do as I have done and write it all down in point form and share the paper with the doctor. I found that's easier and also more accurate.

I don't think anyone would deserve better than you, and with a bit of help you will not screw things up

Any of this make sense? Please say what you think.

Croix