Nothing good has happened for 2 years and I’m done

[Chumptastic]

Hi,

since finding out my husband of 12 years cheated & lied to me for the whole relationship yet portraying himself as a champion of women & a totally devoted empathetic husband my life has gone from one disaster after another. My 21 year old son had seizures & was in icu in feb. Unknown cause & he still can’t drive, still going for lots of tests & specialist appts, my 2 cats died in the last 6 months. I had to put my beloved horse down last Friday. My job ends in 2 weeks & I don’t have another. And my now ex is being horrendous about the property settlement. I’ve had to hire a lawyer at $500 an hour to even get just 50% which the ex is only conceding to give me 44%. That’s the measure of his fake remorse. They say whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Bullshit. There’s only so much you can take before your permanently damaged. I had an ultrasound to check a cyst yesterday & was disappointed to learn the cyst has shrunk. Ovarian cancer would have been a graceful way out of the shitstorm that is my life.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Chumptastic,

Thank you for taking such a brave step in sharing this with us. We're so sorry for all you've been  through in the past couple of years and we want you to know that our valued online forums community is here to give you as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

Please know that help is always available to you. We recommend reaching out to our support service anytime day or night on 1300 22 4636. We also have a dedicated Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service - https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/ - which has a lot of practical information about dealing with things like job loss in these times of pandemic as well as a specially trained qualified mental health professionals available 24/7 via phone and webchat.

Please check in and let us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.

[Croix]

Dear Chumptastic~

I regret the length of time you have had to wait since Sophie_M’s reply to you. Normally someone else would have come along, however sometimes the system does not work as we would like. Please be assured it is not you, nor the subject of our post, just sometimes it happens.

If it is any consolation I was hoping for lung cancer when I felt the while world was crashing down, it would have made things easy, or so I thought at the time.

Things do pile up and it is only natural to feel depressed and hopeless, however I rather suspect that underneath it all you are not the giving up type. The fist reason is you tried writing here, you did not have to, and setting out your life would have been difficult, as well as depressing.

The second reason is you are fighting that unfair settlement, not meekly taking it.

So everything hit. To find you so called empathetic husband was a cheat and liar after 12 years would have been devastating, not only with practical difficulties but the sense of betrayal and also perhaps a little self doubt – undeserved but often happens.

You are a loving and empathetic person and such behavior would be outside our experience and alien. I hope you are angry - or get angry, it helps. The empathy I see comes though talking of your son, the cats and your poor horse.

An undiagnosed seizure is a right pain, not only do you have the worry as to what it might be, but not being able to drive either -how is he taking it?

I’ve no idea about things making you stronger. I do know that to cope with everything on your plate you need to be in the best possible shape, physically and mentally. This of course means exercise, nutrition, the best sleep you can manage and most importantly something to enjoy once a day. Something to look forward to as both a self-reward and distraction from the ills around you. Seems trivial, I found it is not.

I use books and movies, what is there for you?

It also means if you have family or a friend to lean on, now is the exact right time

I do hope you come back and talk some more

Croix

[May Tee Tee]

I too have a similar story loss, loss and more loss.

My partner of 23 years was also so terribly deceitful.

Things do in time change for the better.

Consistent regular exercise, great nutrious food and when you feel time is right a new fury friend. 🙏

Certainly reach for professional support.

[Chumptastic]

Thank you Croix

I’d actually forgotten that I’d posted this. Anyway an update

my job ended and I’ve received a verbal yes about a 3 month contract but then the contract hasn’t eventuated.
ive been applying for jobs everywhere but again no news.
now and then I get super angry with the ex and everything he’s put me thru. Yes I’m still fighting for justice on the settlement front. I found out ex is in a relationship with someone else, did some sleuthing & found her email address and wrote to her. I said if she ever needed to know the reasons why ex & I split to contact me & I gave her my number. If I can help one woman to avoid the hell ivebeen put thru then good.
also talked to someone at 1800respect about the sexual abuse/assault that ex also put me thru. They said to call rape crisis centre. Haven’t done that as yet.
been very suicidal lately. Have been reaching out to friends. I don’t want to die but the pain goes on and on. But my boys don’t deserve to go thru the grief of me dying. Just wish the pain would end. GP has put me on highest dose of anti depressants & it’s not doing anything. So sad & unmotivated

[Sophie_M]

Hi Chumptastic,

We're sorry to hear that you're struggling at the moment and have been feeling suicidal lately.  We understand you might be feeling sad and unmotivated, you've been through so much and we understand it is exhausting. Please know that things can always improve with the right treatment and support, and this can all take some time. Our Support Service is trying to get in contact with you to check in and offer you some support.

You might find some of the following Beyond Blue resources helpful:

• "Feeling suicidal" -
  https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal
• "Staying well" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/staying-well

Please feel free to keep us updated on your journey whenever you're feeling up to it.

[smallwolf]

Hi. I read your story and very sad to hear how you have been treated by your partner. I can't imagine what thoughts and feelings you would be having.

In your latest post you mentioned the medication not doing anything. If I could suggest one thing - keep notes of how you feel with the medication; it may be the case a different one is works better for you. And keep in contact with your GP regarding the medication.

Would like to know how you are going.

Peace to you.

Tim

[Croix]

Dear 'Tastic~

Yes I know, I'm not going to call you be a derogatory name, it is not you. Trusting and generous, yes, and that's it.

I do have two things I want to say, plus some more ordinary stuff.

Anger is good. I was suicidal and tried to take my life when my employer used me up and later simply invalided me out. However that got taken over more and more by anger at them and how I had been treated -and I used that anger when despair had left me with nothing but loss and pain. It helps, a little strenght when you think you have none.

Reporting matters to a rape crises center is fine, but can result in a long and hard experience, which you may not be able to easily cope with right now. May I suggest your doctor simply send them a note registering the possibility you may notify them but you are not in a medical position to do so at the moment? That holds your options open either way.

Trying to decide anything when thoughts of taking your life are present is not good.

What is better is to reach for help. Even though anger helped sustain me it was not enough be itself, I needed others. You have your GP, which is good, do you also have counseling? I'm very glad you are reaching out to friends, that is exactly right.

When overwhelmed and with no hope to stop the pain the sound of a human voice can help. I suggest the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) who you can contact more than once without having to repeat yourself. They are compassionate and sensible -realistic and not likely to overreact, just enough.

You have been injured, dealt an enormous blow, and recovery takes you, your kids, friends and professionals. You will get there, as did I.

Write as often as you like, you are not alone with this

Croix

[Chumptastic]

Thank you all for your replies it means a lot. I’m physically unwell today & don’t know if it’s bc of the D or I’m actually sick. Took my meds this morning & 15mins later they came back up unexpectedly. Unbelievably tired & dizzy. Have yo go to GP this afternoon but have no idea how I’m going to get ther. It’s 45 min drive. Everything is slowing down. Should contact my supervisor about the contract I’m supposed to start but can’t don’t have thr words. Was meant to have lunch with a friend but cancelled. I think I probs need hospital but they make u feel so shit in those places.

[Tangney]

Hi tastic. I'm someone who reacts badly to lots of anti-depressant medications. I'm not saying it's definitely the case, but I've had the same experience you describe so maybe that's the reason. It's really hard when you've been betrayed by someone you were intimate with. I hope you're ok and that you get though this. I agree with what you say about the phrase "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I hate that saying. You don't need to go through this to be strong.