Hi Melligans
welcome to our not always quite so happy,happy little group
If I,m understanding you right, [ and could well be way off the mark here ] you are wondering if what you feel is the real thing because you don't seem to fit the preconceived notion of looking depressed and what people believe someone suicidal should look like. I know a lot of us hide it really well so that the outside world has no idea but it is still very real and I know in my case [many others to I expect] it can be very hard to drop the act of " it's all good, I'm fine thank you for asking " It's a learnt response because people like happy people, not so much people that look like there about to burst into tears. With me [ and again I expect many others and maybe yourself included Melligans ] even when the mask should be dropped so family and friends can see "no I'm not really ok " it"s such a learnt response I can't drop it, makes it hard to be taken seriously and to get the support needed because as you said " don't meet all the 'normal sign's and I don't feel like I fit in a category " but yes that doesn't make it any less real. The people here on BB don't judge, you can be open in what you say, your anonymous which makes saying it easier to drop the mask and open up, they can help steer you to further help if you feel it,s needed.
