not been around for a while.

[Crabby]

havent been here  for a few years because i have been on top of or atleast keeping my brain in the closet for control.

last few weeks have been realy shit after a bad accident and a loss of a long term lover . i am now struggling with thoughts of suicide.

i have lost controll. i hate that.

anyhow , i come her to vent and hopfully connect  

[Sophie_M]

Hey Crabby,  

Thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing here. We can understand how difficult it has been for your at the moment, and we really appreciate you being open and sharing what's going on for you right now.  
 
Is there anyone that you feel able to discuss this in person with? We wanted to reach out and provide some options for extra support as no one should feel alone with these feelings. We’d encourage you to give the Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here. 
 
We hear you’ve been feeling suicidal or are having thoughts about harming yourself, it's important that you take immediate steps to keep safe. That might mean connecting with existing supports, following a safety plan, or you could connect with Lifeline on 13 11 14. If you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about suicide or self-harm this is an emergency, and you need to call 000 (triple zero).  
 
We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you, and we’re sure they’ll spot your post soon enough and have some kind words and understanding for you.  

Kind regards,  

Sophie M 

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

I'm so sorry to hear you've been struggling after your accident and the end of your relationship. Those are incredibly difficult losses to cope with, especially all at once. Please know it's absolutely okay to vent here - this is a safe space.

Since you've been here before, and I guess back when there were things that that worked for you? Were there any specific tools, coping strategies, supports or practices that helped at that time? I know it's hard, but see if you can draw on any of those to start building back your resilience now.

I believe that you can do it again, one step at a time. Keep venting here as much as you need. You're not alone in this struggle. Sending compassion and encouragement your way. And listening...

[Compassion-2_me-u]

Hey Crabby your honesty is admirable.

Having had crises after ugly relationship breakdowns, and having then experienced obsessive thoughts and suicidal ideation, I can absolutely tell you that time helps. Whilst in such dark places it's hard to believe that one will ever recover or move on, but absolutely you will. You will always remember the dark times but you will not experience them, it'll be like remembering a movie you once watched. 

And your accident? Recovery from everything is possible. The mindset is most important.  I have seen a friend with a spinal injury become a paraplegic and go to have a more fulfilling and adventurous life than most able bodied people I know. Nothing can imprison us bar our minds. 

Stay strong and know you will feel better

[Crabby]

Thankyou for getting back to mine. It helps me feel less alone

[Crabby]

Thank you. My mind is toast. It loops on the I need you so much loop that goes nowhere. My face plant is really painful and has bought out the very ugly short tempered side of me that adds to my self hate. I am journaling as I have done in the past but using this forum helps me in some weird way. If I could wind the clock back 2 years it would be so diferent. Just need to get me back in my own good books first but shit it is hard. I never knew being in love could create such physical pain as this.

[Crabby]

WHY do i keep stuck on this loop. Cannot stop crying in private while every one around me thinks all is so fucking good for me. Not wanting to down people on the happy pills but i have always been against it. at what point should i just give up and say yep i am a brain dead and need chemical help. just hate drugs of any kind.