Today has just proven that i cannot trust anyone.
Had just finished putting groceries away after picking them up. Sat down to think about what i was going to have for lunch(was starving at the time but now i just want to vomit) then there was a knock at the door.
Was the police! Immediate thought was what the hell has happened now????
The last time i had to deal with the police was when someone was harassing and stalking me at work about 2 months ago. They took a statement and that was it.
They explained why they were at my front door : apparently i had sent an email to centrelink telling them im going to kill myself!! And they were doing a welfare check.
1. I have no memory of sending such email. I didnt even think centrelink has an email??
2. If i really wanted to kill myself, centrelink would be the last people id be telling.
3. Even though ive been feeling shit the last few weeks, i havent had thoughts of suicide.
So i dont know how this has come to be! Has someone pretended to be me?? Did i actually send an email off but some remember?? I mean my medications make me sleepy and i have been that tired in the past where i have unknowingly answered calls but to write an email? I dont know whats happened.
Naturally i freaked out. They start asking more questions and of course after whats happened in the last few months, i broke down! Then theyre asking more questions and if id be happy for the community mental health team to cone around to talk. Told them i dont feel ready to talk about it yet and certainly wasnt going to in front of my son. And they werent happy with that were that!
So i had to literally wait there for 20mins while someone came out. I had also called my mum to come out, she was 5 mins away.
Even when the community mental health team came they almost threatened me telling me if i wasnt going to talk they will admit me to hospital!!! Told them, im a nurse, i know how these things work, whos to say i would actually talk about the issues i have right now even if you admitted me. They basically said i could be there until i talk. I dont even remember what i said next its mostly all a blur now!
So im just so freaking pissed off. Whose done this?? Im already stressed, depressed and anxious then this happens only to heighten it! I really feel like i cant trust anyone! Feels like no one is on my side! I just want peace! Im sick of all this drama! I truly am sick of it all!
