feeling quite stressed to the point of no relief

[AshVan]

ive been with my wife for 10 years and married for one of them.

we had a split a few years back of my own nature i was depressed and seeking something that wasn't healthy and it did so much damage to us both emotionally. we got back together and i've never been happier, i love her so much and our 8 year old son. Last night we had a fight because she doesn't trust me around the people i work with romantically, which is valid given previous circumstances but im so confident in myself that i haven't crossed any lines, i havent cheated i havent even thought about anyone else romantically or physically. Im scared, if i lose her i will sink back to a place that was very damaging, i had no release last night besides self harming and even then i dont feel like it did enough. im scared more scared than ive ever been. i dont know if this is too much information, im really bad at talking about mental health as i underplay it more often than not and pretend im all better. i love my house where i live, i love my son and my wife and i just want us to be okay but she said things that make me terrified of the outcome. i found relief in telling myself things will be okay for so long and that seems like a distant truth now. ive made mistakes but i truly believed we were on the path for the rest of our lives but she doesn't trust me. im depressed and having unsettling outcome thoughts.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Ashman,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums,

Thank you very much for joining us this afternoon,

We appreciate you sharing with us what's been going on and it's definitely not too much information. We understand talking about mental health can be difficult and it's hard to let people know you're struggling. We can hear life is pretty heavy at the moment and the relationship between your wife and yourself is tense. Can we ask if there was a reason your wife brought up her feelings about your work colleagues last night? We can hear how committed and confident your feel towards your wife and your relationship, have you felt able to communicate this is to her? We know it's not always easy to do but we're sure she really appreciate hearing it. 

We're concerned to hear you're self-harming. Please remember to reach out when you're feeling overwhelmed. You're never alone. In these moments you can get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We would recommend getting in contact with Menslines Australia or Relationships Australia. Both services provide relationship support for individuals, families and communities to achieve positive and respectful relationships. It might be worth finding out what they can offer you. Please also feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it - we hope that you find this to be a safe and non-judgemental space.

[AshVan]

When we split a few years ago i temporarily started seeing someone who was employed at the same place as me, i've since moved jobs twice since then to make her feel secure that no issue could happen again, but given there are people here who see comfortable to message me as a friend she is taking it further in her head, she suffers really bad anxiety and i always do my best to reassure her of my love and attention but sometimes stuff just doesn't sink in. i understand all of her concerns but i want to validate that they are nothing more than that. thankyou for the reply,

i'll do my best to stay on top of seeking support, im just trying to put all energy i have into us, i just havent stopped crying for hours at this point, i dont wanna lose all we've built and im taking on all this guilt that i've ruined everything

[Petal22]

Hi AshVan,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im really sorry that you are feeling this way.

Sophie M has given you some great contacts if you would like to use them?

You can also call Beyondblue and speak to a trained councillor

Phone 133 22 4636 if you would like to.

I also recommended that you see your gp and you can discuss how you are feeling…

I understand that dark intrusive thoughts can be hard to deal with.

You are never alone

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome to the forums.

please know this is a safe and non-judgemental space to write how you feel.

I also do not think that you underplayed what you said in your initial post. Through your words could see (figuratively speaking) how much this was for you and the impact this had. It sounds as though you have been trying very hard to do things right by your wife, and perhaps does not notice this? It sounds like because something happened in the past, she is wondering or waiting for it to happen again. This is despite any and all efforts you put in. From your side all you can do is show that you are not that person; and from her side trust that you are not that person.

I can see you also care much for your wife and family as well. The argument you mention must have been bad for you to feel you have ruined everything. With that said, I wonder if the argument could have been prevented? Or whether you have had a chance to talk this over with your wife?

If you want to chat ... I am about.