Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm Section

replies: 0

Hi there, Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Life gets pretty hard sometimes, and many people here on the Forums have had times where they have thought about harming themselves or ending their life. This can be a deeply distressing experience, and this section is here to support members who have had these experiences. This section is not a crisis support service. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these Forums. Please call: Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 (24/7) Lifeline on 13 11 14 (24/7) If it is an emergency, contact emergency services on 000. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for support and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of the Forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. If after a period of time you no longer wish others to engage in the discussion you have started, please use the 'Report Post' button and request the discussion be locked to prevent any further replies. Thank you for being here, we're glad you're here. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. Beyond Blue

by BeyondBlue •

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Posted in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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3 weeks ago

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

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how do i tell my friends about my SH?

replies: 3

Im a teenager who unfortunately selfharms. Its become a coping mechanisim for months now. and ever since ive started, not one soul knows about it. and everytime i try to tell someone, i delete it. I know my friends would care for me, but i dont want to burden them. Friend 1: Suffers from an ed, so I dont want to make her feel invalidated, or put more onto her plate and make her feel like she cant talk to me. Friend 2: Also suffers from his own problems and I dont want to put this news on him- I dont want to make him feel like its his obligation. Friend 3: she also has her own problems and I dont wish to put this on her. Friend 4: She has alot going on and if i dont know if shed understand. I just dont know who to tell or who to talk too? I recently became almost 2 months clean and I lost it. Everytime I was happy about being sober, i couldnt be happy with the people I care for. Everytime I lost my sobriety, i couldnt have gone to anyone to talk to. I just do not want to bother them with my problem, I dont want to make them feel like they have to walk on eggshells. I dont want to make them upset or cry. Because I know soemthing like this can put alot of pressure on someone because its not an easy topic. I would like to talk to someone though, i would like to tell them. I would like them to know. but i dont know how to tell them without damaging their lives. So how do I?

A failure, and rightfully so

replies: 2

Hello, first time poster and apologies if most of this post is venting. At my age (28F) I haven't had a single lasting job that made me financially independent. I came to Australia as a young adult on my own, and due to naivety and negligence, I always ended up being tricked out of rightful pay, ended up doing my absolute best on unpaid labor with hopes for paid work that never come, and just financial uncertainty after another. I also ended up with tons of work rejection, either for visa reason, lack of work experience, and one time, just blatant racism. There's over a hundred of these rejection in fact and it ate me up so much, I have instant anxiety whenever I logged in to job seeking sites. It always felt like the word 'Failure' just hung over my head. After a turnover in my choice of career, today was supposed to be the first day I could start work and hopefully change that life around. And instead of working I fell sick and due to the current situation with Covid, I was told not to come in. I cry myself with worry over whether or not I can still keep that work, I feel like I started of my first step very, very wrongly, and could only uselessly cry as I try to salvage this situation by calling the employer and even started applying for work again. My parents back home were extremely disappointed, as I know it's very shameful that I'm 28 who only now could have the hope of a stable career and I blew it. They kept shouting at me that crying is useless, but it's not like it's a faucet I can just turn off when I want. Worse of all, and the reason why I'm here, is because I found myself going back to self-harming. The reason for the career change was because, though I was not diagnosed and did not have the funds to do so, I suspect I have depression, considering the few suicide attempt I had before and just general feel of uselessness and listlessness that goes on every day. Like everything I did will always end up as failure anyway, there is no point in trying. Every day of my life, every little thing I do always felt like it has a massive consequences and it cause even the smallest, most irrational failure to make me break down. I'm aware many of this experience and my failure is rightfully my own fault, because i place myself in this situation and I am responsible for the many situation I ended up in. But if I want to keep living, I don't want to keep feeling like this. Please give me advice on how not to slip back to old habits like this.

No trust left!

replies: 10

Today has just proven that i cannot trust anyone. Had just finished putting groceries away after picking them up. Sat down to think about what i was going to have for lunch(was starving at the time but now i just want to vomit) then there was a knock at the door. Was the police! Immediate thought was what the hell has happened now???? The last time i had to deal with the police was when someone was harassing and stalking me at work about 2 months ago. They took a statement and that was it. They explained why they were at my front door : apparently i had sent an email to centrelink telling them im going to kill myself!! And they were doing a welfare check. 1. I have no memory of sending such email. I didnt even think centrelink has an email?? 2. If i really wanted to kill myself, centrelink would be the last people id be telling. 3. Even though ive been feeling shit the last few weeks, i havent had thoughts of suicide. So i dont know how this has come to be! Has someone pretended to be me?? Did i actually send an email off but some remember?? I mean my medications make me sleepy and i have been that tired in the past where i have unknowingly answered calls but to write an email? I dont know whats happened. Naturally i freaked out. They start asking more questions and of course after whats happened in the last few months, i broke down! Then theyre asking more questions and if id be happy for the community mental health team to cone around to talk. Told them i dont feel ready to talk about it yet and certainly wasnt going to in front of my son. And they werent happy with that were that! So i had to literally wait there for 20mins while someone came out. I had also called my mum to come out, she was 5 mins away. Even when the community mental health team came they almost threatened me telling me if i wasnt going to talk they will admit me to hospital!!! Told them, im a nurse, i know how these things work, whos to say i would actually talk about the issues i have right now even if you admitted me. They basically said i could be there until i talk. I dont even remember what i said next its mostly all a blur now! So im just so freaking pissed off. Whose done this?? Im already stressed, depressed and anxious then this happens only to heighten it! I really feel like i cant trust anyone! Feels like no one is on my side! I just want peace! Im sick of all this drama! I truly am sick of it all!

feeling quite stressed to the point of no relief

replies: 4

ive been with my wife for 10 years and married for one of them. we had a split a few years back of my own nature i was depressed and seeking something that wasn't healthy and it did so much damage to us both emotionally. we got back together and i've never been happier, i love her so much and our 8 year old son. Last night we had a fight because she doesn't trust me around the people i work with romantically, which is valid given previous circumstances but im so confident in myself that i haven't crossed any lines, i havent cheated i havent even thought about anyone else romantically or physically. Im scared, if i lose her i will sink back to a place that was very damaging, i had no release last night besides self harming and even then i dont feel like it did enough. im scared more scared than ive ever been. i dont know if this is too much information, im really bad at talking about mental health as i underplay it more often than not and pretend im all better. i love my house where i live, i love my son and my wife and i just want us to be okay but she said things that make me terrified of the outcome. i found relief in telling myself things will be okay for so long and that seems like a distant truth now. ive made mistakes but i truly believed we were on the path for the rest of our lives but she doesn't trust me. im depressed and having unsettling outcome thoughts.

Do I need to get myself admitted to hospital?

replies: 7

Has anyone here voluntarily admitted themselves into a mental health or psychiatric facility? I’m not sure how much longer I can be strong and it’s affecting my ability to work and I just want the pain to end.. I literally just want to hide from the ... View more

Lost and thinking about dying

replies: 3

I have lost all direction in life. I just don't know what to do. I'm constantly tired. I have no energy. I feel totally worn out even before I've done anything. I try to keep busy but my mind drifts and I start remembering what took place, 2 years ago and from when I was 3 to nearly 13. I have had no closure ftom either of these. I am seeing a psych for the incident that took place 2 years ago, this is paid for by a 3rd party. I believe that I have worked hard with my psych in dealing with this matter, but realistically I am unsure as I am still having nightmares and flashbacks most nights, the latest has seen me with a bruise that covers most of my upper arm from 'fighting back' something I never did when I was attacked. I still feel as if I failed myself for not fighting back, he said he had a weapon, so I did what he said. I often think I should have fought him, maybe if I did I wouldn't be in the mess I am in. I try hard to think happy things, to take joy in something each day but its so hard. I feel like I am a prisoner in my own body and own house. I am so scared of people that I don't know that I rarely go out. I have only one friend, but I don't like to 'dump and vent' to her so I pretend all is well. Im good at putting on my face The horror that tormented me when I was a child is back now, teasing and tormenting me, telling me I am worthless, not wanted, not good enough, unlovable and it goes on. I told my parents about him when I was younger and they told me not to be silly, I told them more than once and I got the same reply, so I managed to keep it to myself and cry st night, I'm still doing that, crying to try and get some relief from the day. The only thing I am sure of is day becomes night and night becomes day. I haven't told my doctor or psych about my tormentor, I don't want to be told to stop being silly and imagining things. I think about dying, its not something I really want yet, but I know I would be free of all of this, the pain would be gone for me, but it would just start for my family. Have any of you been like this, how did you cope?

Why death is a problem?

replies: 1

I never understood why a problem is when someone wants to die? This is my life. I decide on my life . If they don't let me die, they're forced to live a life I don't want to live. One day everyone will die anyway. Why does anyone decide my life to prevent me from dying? I am young but I've experienced a lot of things. My soul is old. I'm tired and they rest. I am an old soul locked in a young body.

Straddling The Line

replies: 3

I’m a 35 year old female. Single mum. Employed in a high pressure corporate job. Responsible for a large team of high performing individuals. I feel like I am currently straddling the line between being here and not. I’ve suffered with depression since I was 13. This time around I have been on medication for about 10 years - most times the highest dose allowed for my medication. I have a history of entering relationships with narcissistic men. I’ve recently discovered that this happens because I feel so alone and worthless, that the love bombing is like a drug that suddenly makes everything feel better. my first relationship with a narcissist started when I was 19 and I left 8 years later, when my daughter was 8 months. The first time he laid hands on me was 6 months in.The violence over the years continued and became normalised. The only reason I left was because the police said they would take my baby away. I was so indoctrinated. When I left I was suicidal. I self harmed a lot instead. But, I got better. Became incredibly successful at work. Had a few short relationships before deciding I needed to be alone. I was alone for 10 years. No dates. Nothing. Then I decided one day I wanted to be in A relationship. I found a man who I thought was the one. Things moved quickly. He gave me so much attention. Told me he loved me after a month. Started talking about marriage and babies - everything I needed to hear. I didn’t know what live bombing was at this stage. After 3 months I started to let my walls down. Things flourished for a bit longer before he realised he had won. He convinced me to come off my medication to improve our sex life. So I did. Within a week I was a mess. I felt crazy. Crying constantly. Jealous.

Heavy

replies: 5

Hello, My names Lena. I am new to this forum. I am here because my mind continues to take me to suicidal thoughts. I haven't been here in over 10 years and its heavy. I see so much evil in the world and in my country with little to no compassion and ... View more

Why does everyone hate me?

replies: 2

A bit of backstory I’m a 20 yr old male and I just feel like the community around can’t stand the mere sight of me and it’s genuinely upsetting and I just want to know why…. A few years ago in my last yr of school i was racially abused for being able to grow a beard, I was called a terrorist and names like that & of course got suspended when I reacted. But anyway further down from that I started going on the dating apps because every girl around me just looked like they wanted to spit on me or that’s how they looked anyway but I met a few of them & they just used me for practice, I was treated like a unwanted pet everytime I’d go out with a woman and that woukd make me suicidal. There was another girl online that purposely lead me on just for leading on just for fun. She said so herself and that made me feel even worse to the point where I felt like it was me against everyone else. My so called friends were no help either, they just laughed. Now a days it’s still the same story & the same scenarios happening and I’ve had enough. I want to know why the whole community hate me and want me dead. No person deserves to be constantly ridiculed & abused like I have over the years and I’m only just in my 20s now. What’s the motivation to go on??

Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm Section replies: 0

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

how do i tell my friends about my SH? replies: 3

A failure, and rightfully so replies: 2

No trust left! replies: 10

feeling quite stressed to the point of no relief replies: 4

Do I need to get myself admitted to hospital? replies: 7

Lost and thinking about dying replies: 3

Why death is a problem? replies: 1

Straddling The Line replies: 3

Heavy replies: 5

Why does everyone hate me? replies: 2